The Gate with the Metal Spikes.

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It came to me in my dreams. I saw it, night after night and couldn’t find the meaning to it.
The sky was a light pink, as if it were morning. In front of me there were two tall poles that stood at least ten feet apart from each other, horizontal metal bars were hinged to each pole and held up tall black metal spikes that made up a gate. The top of each of the metal spikes was what seemed like square pyramids with little carvings of things that I couldn’t quite make out from where I stood.
As I approached the gate I saw a small lock with a little key hole. I began searching my pockets thinking I must have the key, when the gate had then opened on its own and a narrow dirt trail came into light. Cautiously, I began to walk along the path and stopped when I came upon two old leafless trees. Looking around my surroundings I noticed that those were the only trees in the area, the rest of the area was covered with short green grass and dead flowers. I saw nothing beyond the trees but darkness, and an odd silhouette of a man.
He didn’t move, he just stood feet away from me and I could tell that he was staring right into my eyes. After a few moments, he spoke. His voice was kind and soft and as he spoke he lifted his hand up, waiting for me to take it as he said, “Come. Come with me and meet your destiny. Do not deny what this vision is giving you, take my hand and you will receive what fate has been saving for you.”
I reached out ready for what was to come to me, when I woke up in my bed. I woke to see the same light grey walls of my bedroom, those same blank walls I woke up to every morning. Sitting up, I noticed that it was still nighttime. Five o’clock in the morning,to be exact and I was surprised. It felt like I was asleep for years even though in that strange dream I was only there for a few minutes.
Carrying on through the day, I tried to forget the recurring dream that haunted me. It was difficult to forget how real it felt, though, seeing the gate and hearing the voice of the silhouette speaking to me. Though, the strangest thing was yet to come.
It was that night that I dreamt of the gate again but this time something was wrong.
The gate was shut as always, but I did not see the path, or the trees beyond it, I only saw darkness. Looking back, I saw a bright blue sky stretching to the horizon. Confused, I walked towards the gate as usual and standing behind it was the familiar silhouetted figure but he said nothing. Instead I heard the soft and sweet voice of a white figure from behind me.
“Do not fall victim to Death’s callings. Keep your mind free.” It said.
I stepped slowly away from the gate. Unsure if Death himself was really behind it. Turning my back to the gate, I made my way to the white figure, knowing that I would wake up in my bed soon.

Waiting to see my bedroom again I continued towards the figure. A cold gust of wind suddenly came over me. I turned back around to see the gate was open and the silhouette had then appeared in front of me and for the first time it came into full light. The moment that I never thought would come, had. I was staring Death in the face. I was staring at his face and to this moment I still remember seeing him. He had empty eye sockets that were filled with blackness, his head was nothing more than a skull hardly covered with rotting flesh and his hand that was coming towards me hardly had any flesh left on it. His hand tightly grasped my shoulder and my body felt frozen. Attempting to free myself from Death’s grip on me, I felt sudden warmth around me, it felt as if there were arms around me and those arms were pulling me back to reality. Though, when I awoke from the odd dream, I awoke to complete darkness. Disoriented, I tried to find my way to my bedroom door when I suddenly hit the ground. I felt drained, like I was just running a mile or running a full marathon while carrying two hundred-pound weights.

Once again, I woke up but this time I was in my bed. The light shining through my windows were being dimmed by my curtains and I could see those light grey walls again. Happy that I was able to wake from that nightmare, I still believe that the white figure that wrapped me in it’s warmth was an angel. An angel that saved me from the tight grip of Death. Though, still unsure of if that was really just a dream with an odd meaning or really Death wanting to take me when it’s too early, I do know that I could have died. Death may try to take me but I will still try to resist his grip the next time I see that black gate with the tall metal spikes.
The written word is the only way to get inside my mind.




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Hmm. I'm not quite sure about this piece. I mean don't get me wrong, it was well written, but I felt it missed something. Maybe this is because, as this is a short story, there needs to be more action. At the moment it feels a bit anti-climatic, if you get what I mean. I feel that there could have been more use of metaphors and other descriptive language too- at the moment you are telling us, not showing us. If you just right you see 'that black gate with the tall metal spikes', show us. Use descriptive language to describe it's features. Say for the sake of argument your main character is listening to music. At the moment, what you are doing is telling us what is going on. If your character is listening to music, for example, don't just tell us he is- describe the music. In this instance, describe the setting more descriptively. That way you will engage your reader.




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With this piece you need to think about the message you're trying get get across to the reader. It trundles along at a slow pace and in places the lack of direction makes it quite difficult to read. It feels more like a description of a dream with elements of a connecting story tacked on as an afterthought rather than a story. I think the idea is interesting and you could do a lot more with it and that it also has the potential for something a bit more elaborate.



When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
— Abraham Heschel