Shadows of Depression

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Points 406

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Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:12 am

KingofTheDamned says... · Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:12 am

The Shadows of Depression

This shadow creeping upon me
I want to rid of it
Wanting to tear my soul apart
Like a black cloud above

It's getting closer
It wont go away
Memories of hate
Be done, This day

It grabs onto my feet
Visions of suicide I see
The impression of mass death
Soon, it will be part of me

Now crawling up me
The intensity of suffering
Feelings of pain
Emotions start burning

As it sinks into my chest
Flooding my veins with tedium
A new lust for arbor
Help me before I die

This invasion of sorrow
Shoving me to the edge
Where I was looking down
Falling off my once safe ledge

Shadow turns me black
Struck down by the gory attack
Sucked in by this twist of fate
My soul, decapitate

"Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears."

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hayley10019

Gender

Points 1919

Reviews 55

Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:23 am

hayley10019 says... · Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:23 am

I really liked it. It was dark, and intense and.. Just riveting! It was a good poem and I liked the "play by play" action each stanza.
Depression sucks doesn't it? Not really there but teasing you like cat and mouse.. Everyone has been there whether they know it or not..
Anyway, I saw no spelling errors or anything to complain about. I liked it a lot, it was a dark, beautiful poem.
If you need any critiquing or anything just message me!
-Hayley

Writing is where I can get away...

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KingofTheDamned

Gender

Points 406

Reviews 4

Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:33 am

KingofTheDamned says... · Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:33 am

Thanks for you compliment! Yeah, I actually wrote this one day when I was deeply depressed and I'm constantly battling it as of a power struggle crisis over my life. But on a different note, I have many of my pieces of poetry written in German, a foreign language I have found a deep interest in!

"Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears."

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theLockedLibrary

Gender

Points 698

Reviews 40

Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:54 am

theLockedLibrary says... · Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:54 am

This poem is the epitome of cruel beauty. It was dark, haunting, and passionate all at the same time! Bravo! Reading this is like being wrapped into a blanket of shadows. And too bad I don't understand German, I'd really love to read more of your work. Perhaps translating them wouldn't be too much of a bother?

Reading is the sole means by which we slip,
involuntarily,
often helplessly,
into another's skin,
another's voice,
another's soul.

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KingofTheDamned

Gender

Points 406

Reviews 4

Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:32 am

KingofTheDamned says... · Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:32 am

Translating won't be a problem at all, it's just that the translation may screw up parts of it that had a deeper tone. But upon your request, I will certainly do so for some of my German pieces.

"Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears."

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icanhassuicide

Gender

Points 984

Reviews 6

Fri Nov 11, 2011 5:53 pm

icanhassuicide says... · Fri Nov 11, 2011 5:53 pm

This shadow creeping upon me
I want to rid of it
Wanting to tear my soul apart
Like a black cloud above

Overall I could not have said this better, as I too suffer
from depression and have been emo for quite a while

It's getting closer
It won't go away
Memories of hate
Be done, This day
- be gone, this day may flow better

Now crawling up me
The intensity of suffering
Feelings of pain
Emotions start burning
- now crawling into or unto me would flow better

Shadow turns me black
Struck down by the gory attack
Sucked in by this twist of fate
My soul, decapitate
- This staza is well written, but I wouldve changed gory attack to goreful attack

- Little Foot

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KingofTheDamned

Gender

Points 406

Reviews 4

Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:07 am

KingofTheDamned says... · Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:07 am

Actually, I wrote it as some creature creeping up and dragging me into a deep state of depression. If I wrote "upon me" then it would take away from the dramatic effect and imagery instead of saying "up me".

"Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears."

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