Prologue
People leave you all the time. Actually, if there’s anything promised out of any relationship it’s that there will one day be an absence. No matter how many times your lover whispers the whimsical words of 'forever' into your ears beneath the bed sheets on that hazy Sunday afternoon – know that they are blatantly lying to you. The easiest way to live your life is to come to terms with the fact that you will eventually be completely alone. That you will eventually die. That someone will eventually skim your name in the obituary as they slurp down their morning coffee and head out to work. Never giving you a second thought.
Ch. 001
It had all happened so quickly – when variable Y, the train, and variable X, my sister’s car, had collided that night. Within seconds, the train had impacted the car, which had impacted the skin, which had impacted the bone, which had impacted the internal organs and had inevitably resulted in the destruction of any and all brain activity. They said she died instantly and painlessly, I imagined His hand in the form of metal wrapped tightly around my sister’s body. Bursting the liver, small intestines and skull leaving her now to be nothing more than a cadaver, dismembered – no longer recognizable as a human. I used to believe in God and righteous reasoning within the Universe, now I am not so sure.
Since my Sister’s death, we stopped going to our Church group, my Mother and Father adamantly believed that there was nothing to believe in anymore. We stopped thanking Jesus for our meals, eating in complete silence. I even slowly stopped praying before I feel asleep at night. I wondered if my parents did the same. Or, were they still desperately searching for God praying in their silence for closure and understanding? Because I knew I was. But, every night, I would pray a little less, and some nights I’d fall asleep so quickly I’d forget to pray altogether.
Dear God,
My parents are losing faith after what happened to my Sister. Please give them a sign. I’m worried.
The only person I knew who could make me feel like it could all stop at any moment was Dorian. I had begun sneak him into my bedroom upon the earliest hours of day. I would wrestle with Him as if He were a lover. It was not difficult to tempt Dorian. Soon enough, I felt his presence nearly everything, and soon it’s all I wanted – to experience him fully. “When are you going to give in?” He ever so gently whispered into my ear and every night, he’d say it a little bit louder, until they became echo’s inside of my head of temptation and possibility. Dorian came when he felt that he was most needed, when I was in the worst of states standing on the very edge. all I needed was myself, a box-cutter and the will before he slowly crept into my bedroom. Though the blood flowed profusely, cascading from the open wounds it was worth it to feel him near, to know I wasn't completely alone. The scars decorated my forearms in a morbid fashion. To me, they were residual trophies, constant reminders of the fact that I am alive, something I needed to know even if it killed me.
Spoiler
Dorian is a personification for death.
