Tiggy the Piggy

"Hey Amy! Come down here." My mom called from the living room. I paused my CD player and strolled down the polished wooden staircase.

"Yeah?" I walked over to her. "What's in that?" I asked, referring to a grimy box she was searching through.

"This." She pulled out a big, pink, hand-made book and wiped dust off it.

I leaned over and read the crayon-scribbled title. "Tiggy the Piggy? Who made this?"

"You did, with Dad." Her face fell. I swallowed a lump down my throat and nodded. My father was killed in a car wreck three years ago, and we still haven't moved on.

"When?" I questioned quietly.

Mom shook her head, turning towards me with a small smile displayed on her face, but I knew she was faking it for me. "When you were eight. You and Dad made so many... I wonder where they are now."

"Try the basement." I supplied, flipping through the book. Childish drawing of a fat pig and a man with a bindle doing various things covered the left side of the pages; the right was the story, written in verses, rhyming in ABCB order. It was written by someone in elegant penmanship. I touched the writting softly. Six years ago, my father had written a story with me. I could practically see him with eight-year-old me in his lap, reading old tales and making new ones. Now that I thought about it, I remember him tucking me in bed, then reading me a story about a pig. God, I miss you Daddy...

Mom glanced at the clock. "It's nine already? Will you tuck Codi in? I think I know where the other books are."

"Okay." I picked up the book and walked back up the stairs, into Codi's room. "Hey you."

My six-year-old sister stood impatiently by the bed. "Tuck me in, Amy!"

"That's what I was planning on doing." I smiled, walking over to her and peeling her pink blankets back. "Get in, kiddo."

Codi hopped onto the bed and snuggled under the covers. "Who's book is that?"

"Mine. Daddy and I made a whole bunch of books about a pig named Tiggy."

Codi's eyes widened. "Read it to me, Amy! Please?"

I chucked and sat down in the rocking chair beside her bed. "Alright, but you gotta be quiet and listen."

"I promise!" Codi clapped her hands excitedly.

"Okay." I opened the book and began to read, tilting the book so she could see my childish artwork.

"Once apon a time,
There was a traveler named Cody.
He liked traveling around the world,
But he was so, so lonely.

One day, he came across a farmer
Who offered him a pig,
In exchange for three pennies,
So he could buy himself a wig.

Cody tied a piece of rope
Around the cute piggy.
He finally found a friend
And her name was Tiggy.

They traveled far and wide,
They traveled here and there.
Cody decided to rest for awhile,
And enter the county fair.

They stood in line with others,
To enter the pig contest.
Cody was confident they'd win,
Even if he wasn't the best dressed.

Tiggy wasn't the smallest,
But Tiggy was the cutest.
Tiggy wasn't the biggest,
But Tiggy was the sweetest.

While the judges huddled up,
To vote for the winner,
Tiggy and I had
Mashed potatoes for dinner.

The judges gathered 'round,
And said Tiggy had won.
Everyone cheered and hollered,
It was so much fun.

Cody's traveling days
Have come to an end.
Now he's Cody the farmer,
Raising livestock with his best friend.

The End."

Codi clapped again, laughing delightedly. "Another one!"

I shook my head, smiling happily. "Don't have anymore, kid."

"Yes you do." My mom said, making me jump.

"How long have you been there?"

"I came in during the middle. Look what I found!" She sang, holding up a medium-sized box.

"Sit down, woman!" I ordered, patting the bed. My mom strolled over and sat, placing the box next to her. We all peeked inside.

"Whoa!" Codi exclaimed, pulling out a stack of big, hand-made books, each color different.

"Be careful!" I yelped, taking the pile and placing them beside me, on the nightstand.

"Read another." Mom directed, her amber eyes gleaming with excitement.

I pulled the magenta one out. "Tiggy the Piggy Meets Johnny The Doggy."

"Read that one!" Codi giggled. I smiled and began to read outloud. If anyone had happened to walk past Codi's window, they would've seen a family enjoying a precious moment together. As I read all of the books to my family, I felt a warm, loving presence in the room that had nothing to do with the heat. I believe that my father wanted us to know he was still with us, not just in our hearts but in the dusty, old books he and I made, all those years ago. And that has made all the difference in the world.

***

Sorry if the story of Tiggy the Piggy wasn't that good; I suck at rhyming. This was for a contest. Hope you liked it!

- Ariel.

Thats so cute! Never ever change it, ever. I liked The tiggy story, But question number 1:Whats with the mashed potatoe thing? I mean, if you had mashed potatoe's, I would say you won (then eat them) but i didnt get it, but eight years old i guess, so cute!

It was precious, indeed. Very very cute and innocent. Filled with life, for sure. You actually have really good rhyming (spelled that wrong probably. its late. i could care less about spelling and grammar x) ) . if Tiggy the Piggy was a real book, I would definitely buy it. It was really good. You should have a continuation with the other hand-made books and add more about the father's death. if you did, you would probably be able to add more detail about the family. it was very good. and it was for a contest? well, good luck. can't wait to hear more from you!!!

A few nitpicks first:

ToKillAMockingjay wrote:My father was killed in a car wreak three years, and we still haven't moved on.

I think you mean

ToKillAMockingjay wrote:My father was killed in a car wreck three years ago, and we still haven't moved on.

ToKillAMockingjay wrote:"Try the basement." I supplied, flipping through the book.

I know what you're getting at, but I don't like the word supplied. Try offered or something similar.

ToKillAMockingjay wrote:As I read all of the books to my family, I felt a warm, loving presence in the room that had nothing to do with the heat.

I think if you use the word "loving" than it's obvious that this isn't merely heat. Try something like

ToKillAMockingjay wrote:As I read all of the books to my family, I felt a warmth suffuse the room that had nothing to do with temperature.

Besides that, I think you did a fantastic job. You have a knack for dialogue, especially between the older and younger siblings.
Great job and I thought the story was really cute. Kind of nonsensical, but then again most children's books are. You don't have to use my changes, just take them into consideration and keep up the great work.

Hey there! Stopping in to help.

I absolutely love the idea that this character's mother finds a box of books they made with her father years and years ago. I think it's something that touches me especially because I'm a writer, which is why I'm sure it's the idea that you came up with first. It's something tender and irreplaceable to create a story with someone you love, and it's an extremely effective thing to focus the story on. Even though there are some problems I'd like to address, that idea carried it through to the end. But I want it all to be able to support itself until the end.

Let's start with the mention of the father's death. It's way too quick. It has the feeling of an info dump because it's thrown in haphazardly, but unlike an info dump, it has hardly any information. Think about how the character would react to hearing who she made the books with. What specific memories might come to her to remind her that her father is dead? Maybe in those memories there's a way to release this vital information without throwing it in so bluntly and carelessly. It's an integral part of the emotion in this piece and should be given a little more respect and focus.

That said, the second big problem I have is that you go through the entire story that they wrote together. It's cute, but how is it relevant? Does it show anything about their relationship? No. Why do we need to read it? It's cute, like I said, but if it doesn't add anything to the emotion and to the story, you don't need to include it. I'd rather see that time spent on intermixing maybe specific lines from the book with the way the character's thinking about her dad as she reads, the way she interacts with her mother and brother differently because of it.

Anyway, let me know if you have any questions. Good luck!

Hannah

I love this story! However, here are some tips:

I chucked and sat down in the rocking chair beside her bed.
You meant "chuckled"

Also, easy on the adverbs. You know, "smiled happily", all that stuff that ends in "y" after a verb usually weakens the action or sentence. Try taking them all out and then putting back only the ones that really add to the writing.
(I know this because I am myself guilty of over-adverbing)

AWESOME story though. Brilliant!

Remember is right! I have a reputation of not liking adverbs. xD

Anyway, this was really cute! I like the weird stories that the father/daughter team made up. My dad used to tell me stories when I was little... twisted stories about Black Beauty and such, lol. It was pretty funny!

Just a couple of things... I find it very hard that she wouldn't remember such an integral part of her childhood. After all, she was eight and Tiggy the Piggy seems to be a very big part of the father/daughter relationship. Even if thinking of him hurts, it sounds strange that she wouldn't even think of these sort of things, even if it were painful. After all... well... my family and I were talking about how my dog (who died July 6, 2011) would slobber up tennis balls so much that we had to clean up the walls every time we threw the ball in the house. And there are other stories we tell of people who die, because talking about the good times helps you remember the person behind them, and that's good.

Also... it might be nice to know her age? That would be good! Obviously, she is over 11. But how much older?

On a related note, I love Tiggy!

God this was awful, I vomited halfway through.... NOT!!!!! It was epic, and when I say epic I mean legendary, well not really. It was cute, well written, and I enjoyed reading it a lot. The only problem that hadn't been pointed out yet:

My mom called from the living room. I paused my CD player and strolled

Who has those anymore!?!?! Those are like from the 1800s!!!!! I mean if like advancements in technology scare you then I guess it's okay to have one still, but geez!!!

So I digress from my rant about outdated technology; I one of those guys that gets the update or new thing, THE SECOND it comes out.

I digress from my life story; anyways, great job, great story, great writing. Keep Writing!

~ 49 ~

Hi there!

Oh my gosh, this is such a cute story! I mean that in a good way of course. It kind of reminded me of when I was young and I used to write funny little stories like that, but they were always about dinosaurs. Anyway, this story has great characters and they're all very relatable. I can feel the pain the main character is feeling after losing her father. Death and moving on is always a touchy subkect to write about, but you did a fantastic job. I like the ending how the whole family gathers around and listens to the stories.

Overall this is a good story. Keep writing!

I loved the idea of your story. I think it held a deeper meaning for me because I used to do things just like that with my mom when I was little. It was charming! There were a few mistakes that were already pointed out. Like:

Ignorance wrote:I chucked and sat down in the rocking chair beside her bed.

It should be chuckled.

Ignorance wrote:I swallowed a lump down my throat and nodded.

This sentance would flow better if you said " I swallowed the lump in my throat" instead.

There were also a few other things that I won't bother to point out because like I said, others already have.
Other than that it was really good! Keep on writing!

Geez this was sad But I liked it a lot!

How about instead of: 'I swallowed a lump down my throat and nodded'
This: I swallowed the lump in my throat.

I think it would sound a little better

Good job