Whale Pirates

On a deadly quiet night with no moon, a large ship sat anchored out to sea two-hundred miles from land, completely unaware of the danger less than a mile away. A completely black ship had shut off its lights and was virtually invisible to anyone that was looking for them. The black ship came to a complete stop and anchored, still unseen. There was subtle splashing as a group of small boats were lowered into the water and journeyed the rest of the way to the naive ship.
The people in these small boats were completely clad in black the only thing that actually showed were their eyes. The lead boat went ahead of the others and came to rest next to the ships anchor. One of the people climbed the anchor chain all the way to the top and shoved a thick metal pole through to top link in the chain. The ship was not going anywhere. They quickly climbed down as the other boats reached their spots. They all waited for a signal, the one who had climbed the chain took out a grappling hook and threw it up. It hooked and they nodded, the signal.
All at once they threw more grappling hooks and began to silently climb. The apparent leader peered over the edge and signaled the rest of the group, all clear. They slipped over the edge and onto the deck of the ship. Moving like shadows they took up their individual positions while the two that were on the lead boat headed below deck. They moved quickly passing the silent rooms. They slowed to a stop as they neared a room overflowing with the loud raucous laughter of the crew. They peered through the open door and saw six men still in their fishing gear, drinking to an apparently good day of fishing.
"Hey Al, today was great! Tell these rookies how it's done!" crowed one of the men.
"Awright, Awright, i hear ya'." Al said with a husky voice. "I know ya' newbies just joined up yesterday, but it was 'bout three days ago that we hit a pod. We hadn't hit one for awhile, so it was a big deal. Anyway, they was still surfaced so we threw the net over 'em, they all got away 'cept for one. He was a big one and nearly broke our rigging, but we hauled him in, and i got the pleasure of using the spear gun. It was a dead shot, he didn't even have time to thrash no more."
The men cheered and Al stood up and made a drunken bow, nearly resulting in him falling on his face. The two outside exchanged a look of disgust before quickly moving on. They descended a flight of stairs without a sound and stood outside a lone door.One put their ear against the door for a moment before signaling the other, this is it. They listened a moment more and heard the subtle tap, tap of footsteps on the other side of the door.


I apologize for not finishing but feel free to review on it so far!

Love the idea, very special and unique. Good luck with your future work and always remember to keep things straight and simple. Keep an eye on your grammar and sentence structure. Hope your writings come to use for you and you can make a better future with them and take yourself to a better place using them. Keep up your great work.

On a deadly quiet night with no moon, a large ship sat anchored out to sea two-hundred miles from land, completely unaware of the danger less than a mile away.

Personally, I didn't like that you told me that there was danger; it sort of ruined the surprise for me. I would have liked for tension to be built up, perhaps, maybe something about 'darkness broke the still sea waters', and then lead to up to revelation of the ship there. But I do like how you dropped some apprehension by saying the ship was completely clueless about the 'deadly night'.

A completely black ship had shut off its lights and was virtually invisible to anyone that was looking for them. The black ship came to a complete stop and anchored, still unseen. There was subtle splashing as a group of small boats were lowered into the water and journeyed the rest of the way to the naive ship.

I didn't like the repetition of black ship, try using another word or phrase to describe it. I'd also like to see a tad more showing instead of telling. For example, don't just say 'the ship stopped'; mention things like how the anchor was thrown overboard, how the ripples it caused in the water slowly faded, etc. Things like that will let the reader build his/her own picture in their head, let them see what you're seeing in your mind's eye, and keeps them interested. Details are what pushes essays and stories apart.

All at once they threw more grappling hooks and began to silently climb. The apparent leader peered over the edge and signaled the rest of the group, all clear.

Again, this might be more of a personal thing, but I'd like a new sentence for 'all clear'. Even with the comma there, when I read it the sentence seems to run by too fast.

"Awright, Awright awright, i I hear ya'." Al said with a husky voice. "I know ya' newbies just joined up yesterday, but it was 'bout three days ago that we hit a pod. We hadn't hit one for awhile, so it was a big deal. Anyway, they was still surfaced so we threw the net over 'em, they all got away 'cept for one. He was a big one and nearly broke our rigging, but we hauled him in, and i I got the pleasure of using the spear gun. It was a dead shot, he didn't even have time to thrash no more."

Apart from those corrections, I love how he talks. Most characters seem to talk the exact same way, but I got a real pirate/sailor feel from just his dialogue. Excellent work.

In summary, this is a pretty intriguing idea; very mysterious, I want to read more and see what happens. I'd just like to see more detail in this. There's a few grammar spelling, but hey, who doesn't have those? Anyway, keep it up.

On a deadly quiet night with no moon, a large ship sat anchored out to sea two-hundred miles from land, completely unaware of the danger less than a mile away.

Personally, I didn't like that you told me that there was danger; it sort of ruined the surprise for me. I would have liked for tension to be built up, perhaps, maybe something about 'darkness broke the still sea waters', and then lead to up to revelation of the ship there. But I do like how you dropped some apprehension by saying the ship was completely clueless about the 'deadly night'.

A completely black ship had shut off its lights and was virtually invisible to anyone that was looking for them. The black ship came to a complete stop and anchored, still unseen. There was subtle splashing as a group of small boats were lowered into the water and journeyed the rest of the way to the naive ship.

I didn't like the repetition of black ship, try using another word or phrase to describe it. I'd also like to see a tad more showing instead of telling. For example, don't just say 'the ship stopped'; mention things like how the anchor was thrown overboard, how the ripples it caused in the water slowly faded, etc. Things like that will let the reader build his/her own picture in their head, let them see what you're seeing in your mind's eye, and keeps them interested. Details are what pushes essays and stories apart.

All at once they threw more grappling hooks and began to silently climb. The apparent leader peered over the edge and signaled the rest of the group, all clear.

Again, this might be more of a personal thing, but I'd like a new sentence for 'all clear'. Even with the comma there, when I read it the sentence seems to run by too fast.

"Awright, Awright awright, i I hear ya'." Al said with a husky voice. "I know ya' newbies just joined up yesterday, but it was 'bout three days ago that we hit a pod. We hadn't hit one for awhile, so it was a big deal. Anyway, they was still surfaced so we threw the net over 'em, they all got away 'cept for one. He was a big one and nearly broke our rigging, but we hauled him in, and i I got the pleasure of using the spear gun. It was a dead shot, he didn't even have time to thrash no more."

Apart from those corrections, I love how he talks. Most characters seem to talk the exact same way, but I got a real pirate/sailor feel from just his dialogue. Excellent work.

In summary, this is a pretty intriguing idea; very mysterious, I want to read more and see what happens. I'd just like to see more detail in this. There's a few grammar spelling, but hey, who doesn't have those? Anyway, keep it up.

You should write more! I'm just stating to get the feel of it. Maybe you could put a little more description in it? How big is the black ship compared to the other ship? Is there an obvious chain of command in the ninja-people other than there were two that were in a lead boat? I'm certainly going to read more, when you post it. ;D There's just a few grammar errors to fix, and maybe think about the thoughts a little more. And I agree with Balaczter about the sailor- nice accent. Keep writing, my friend.