The Forsaken: The Hunted

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Prologue: The Beginning
May 21st 2010

My name? That is not important. All that you need to know, is that I
am not one of your kind. I can see things. Things that would make the
soundest of minds shudder. I can visualize scenes of unspeakable
horrors taking place everywhere in the world. Whether it be China,
Mexico, or Bangkok, I can witness first hand the brutal killing of a
newborn child. I can see the serial killers raping the women and
killing them by knife. Slowly. Drawing out the pain as long as they
can to ensure the highest degree of torture possible. I can see them,
but I cannot do anything to stop them.

My life has been surrounded by pictures of the gruesome occurances for
centuries. Almost a millenia. How old am I? Another question, another
unimportant answer. All you need to know is that I am currently living
in the body of a seventeen year-old girl attending a ratty public
highschool in San Fransisco. After years of different bodies and
shapes, it is certainly a change. I have lived through years of
constructing cities, being confined to the house because I was female,
not being allowed to have a job, and most recently, I was a thirty-
eight year old office secretary. Never before have I taken on the form
of anyone below the age of twenty-two.

Yes, I can change the shape and structure of my body to suit my
current needs, although, once I am in a body form, I am confined to it
for almost a decade. It makes it difficult to live my life with that
restriction. My appearance never changes, and people notice. My
current shape consists of a five-seven height, 110 pounds, long smooth
legs, sparkling emerald green eyes, and a sheet of silky black hair
that almost reaches my rear end. I am known in this form as Chloe
Martin. Baddest and most popular girl in all of Polk High. I have the
eyes of all of the male testosterone filled teenagers on me with every
slight movement I make. I am loathed and envied by most females and
teachers, although this has never bothered me. I have lived long
enough to know that not everybody is going to like you. Not that I
really care anyways. They haven’t lived through a thousand years of
murders, rapes, and coldblooded torture. They haven’t seen what I have
seen.

I have said before that I can take on any form to accomodate my
current needs. So, why am I Chloe? I am currently on a mission from my
master. I am to find the one in hiding. My Lord did not elaborate any
more than that. I am left on a blind task to find someone and I have
no slight idea of who it is that threatens us or what I am looking
for. I was told by a servant that the mission was to take place at
Polk High and that I had to become a student and inrole to be
successful. I have been on this mission for three and a half years,
getting close to people who I thought were shielding themselves from
the world, only to find them to be just normal students with nothing
to hide. Time is running out. I am a senior and have only a month
before graduation. Once I am out of school, I will have failed my
task, and my life will be ended.

This is how things work amongst us. We must obey our Lord. If we are
to fail, we are taken as a sacrifice to him. I have considered
purposely failing him on many occassions. Ones life becomes boring
after a millenia of searching. I have grown tired of the endless
assignments and commands. My Lord has treasured me for years. I was
his second ever servant, and since the first failed to retrieve for
him the Holy Grail and was executed, I have been his favourite and
most loyal slave. At his command whenever needed. Sent out to various
countries and wars all to retrieve a specific rifle, or to seduce a
specific man. I am obedient. I am good.

All of our Lords slaves are things created by the power of the full
moon and the life of a beating heart being ripped from our very own
chests. The transitioning was very painful. I remember praying. To my
own God, and asking to have it all end right then. Having ones heart
taken from ones body is a very pain-filled experience and is definetly
not very pleasant.

Once changed, we acquired various skills that no human has ever had.
Every sense we had had as a mortal was amplified to such an extent
that I could hear a brand new catepillar crawling on a leaf in the
trees high above me. I could see the detail of every feather on a
birds back and I could smell the faint odour of a metal piece in my
shoe. Metal has a very distinct smell. It is very repulsive in a way
that you would not understand.

I have visions. I have mentioned these before but I never spoke of how
they effect me. Once I have a vision, I am not the same again for at
least a full twenty four hours. I am left trembling in a pool of red
tinted sweat, and my pupils contort theselves into slits in my red
eyes. I become very aggitated and tend to act out violently on my
surroundings. It is why I don’t spend the night with any men that are
attracted to me. If I were to have a vision in the presence of a
mortal, my life could be severely endangered.

I have the ability to change my appearance. This is also a painful
experience. While the bones shift in your body and the muscles
rearrange themselves, you are left inside with all of your nerves
being pinched and you can most definetly feel it. Heights, weights,
and shapes change after ten years after remaining the same. It is very
hard for the body to take, but necessary.

I am strong. Stronger than most Olympic weight lifters put together. I
could lift and throw a car a mile without the slightest muscle strain.
The only thing keeping me from showing any traces of my supernatural
strength is the fear of somebody suspecting something different from
me. Unnatural. I can kill a man with my bare hands in less than a
millisecond.

Oh, yes. That is another point to be made. I am also unnaturally fast.
I can move quicker than lightning cracking down on an innocent soul
and still not tire. The speed at which I can do things is miraculous,
and that combined with all the other aspects of my uniqueness makes me
the most dangerous creature there is on all the planet.

I am what some people may call invincible.

I am what some people would call, The Forsaken.




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Well dude, you may not be that happy to find a newby reviewing but thats like all you just got now. Anyways, great and new plot, keep on with the great work and good luck. Maybe it's just because this is the prologue but I hope in the novels inner chapters you describe the visions and sceneries in a more visual manner or give an indepth expression of the emotions so that the reader can feel the story or physically imagine it. Good luck man.




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Points 2629
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Hey I'm apple and I must say that I really enjoyed this piece. I don't have much to say about it because there were few (if any problems). The only thing that I didn't like was the phrasing of one sentence:

'I am left on a blind task to find someone and I have no slight idea of who it is that threatens us or what I am looking for.'

I'm not sure what it is about this sentence but it seems to disrupt the way the piece flows.

Other than that I look forward to reading more of this because the plot seems interesting and I love the style that it is written in! Keep up the good work :)
'Are you saying Ni to that old woman?'
'Yes'
'Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history'




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Gender Female
Points 1119
Reviews 10
wow. interesting. On the first chapter alone, you really caught my attention.

Absolutely fantastic! Fabulous!



Although there are some mistakes. Indirect mistakes. Although your words are amazingly surprising.... you still need to... I don't know how to say this...

There's an element you still lack. I don't know. But, it's up to you to find out. You're the author after all ;P



Amazingly weird. and Awesome. Although there are a few more, uh... awkward sentences... especially in the second part, overall, it's completely fine, and cool.




Well, that's all I've got to say! Notify me when you have the next one!
wrotalistic



Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything's different?
— C.S. Lewis