Dragon ch 2...sort of

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Brittany carefully set him down in the hay loft, her own special place. No one ever bothered to go up there for the treacherous rope swing anymore. Only Brittany went on the rope swing, but only when there was no one around. Other than that only the cats went up for the rats, and Brittany could never figure out how the cats managed the ladder. Sam could always somehow managed it.
“Watch him,” Brittany ordered Sam, “I will be right back.”
Brittany came back with ham, frozen sausage cooked sausage, bread, strawberries, a banana, water, a dog bowl and a plate. What do dragons eat? Careful not to be in range of the dragon’s mouth too long she set the food in front of it on the plate and poured the water in the dog dish. The dragon remained unmoved.
Brittany sat down to wait but as she did Sam licked the dragon’s face. Blue green eyes flickered open.’

The dragon somewhat dazed regained consciousness. His forehead felt warm and damp then cool and damp. The hairy creature was still in front of him and the bald beast although now quiet was sitting nearby. He closed his eyes then opened them. Impossible! Everything but the creatures were different. Instead or reassuring dirt he was on scratchy yellow speckled gray stuff. The sky was brown and the horizon was brown too. Unnatural it was. In front of him was a shiny rock and unusual shaped large bugs.
Hunger told him to take them in his mouth and swallow. But another part of his brain distrusted it. He sniffed the bugs they remained unmoved. Suspiciously he nosed one. When nothing happened he snapped one up.
Promptly he spat it up again. A small whimper of distress escaped the bald beast’s mouth. That was no bug. For one thing it was warm. For another it did not move. Even if it was not a bug he had enjoyed the strange sensation it had on his tongue. This time he was ready when he took it in his mouth again. He held it there, gulped and gagged. Too big. He chewed it. What a wonderful sensation it was!
The small dragon felt his first ever pleasure in sausage.
He swallowed it and the pain that was in his stomach as long as he could remember disappeared. Not that he could remember back far. But still… The pain was gone!
He looked at the other ‘bugs.’ Would they be as good? He enjoyed guzzling all of it but the banana but none were as good as the original sausage. He only had the strawberries left.

Thought I had forgotten didn't you? :D
Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess

Deadpanners are backtalkers!

badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation




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I liked it, but there are several issuses with punctuation. For example:

Other than that only the cats went up for the rats, and Brittany could never figure out how the cats managed the ladder. Sam could always somehow managed it.


It should be: Other than that, only the cats went up for the rats, but Brittany could never figure out how the cats managed the ladder. Sam could always somehow manage it.

Careful not to be in range of the dragon’s mouth too long she set the food in front of it on the plate and poured the water in the dog dish. The dragon remained unmoved.


Careful not to be in range of the dragon's mouth for too long, she set the food in front of it on the plate and poured the water in the dog dish.

Brittany sat down to wait but as she did Sam licked the dragon’s face. Blue green eyes flickered open.’


Put a comma before 'but' and after 'did'. I'm guessing that the apostrophe was a typo.

The dragon somewhat dazed regained consciousness.


It should be: The dragon, somewhat dazed, regained consciousness.

Unnatural it was.


The word order makes this sound kind of awkward. Change it to: It was unnatural.

He sniffed the bugs they remained unmoved.


The sentence needs an semicolon after 'bugs'.

I don't mean to sound harsh; I think that your story would flow better with proper use of commas and apostrophes. Other than that, The storyline catches my intrest, even though I've read a lot of 'child finds dragon and nurses it back to health' type of stories. Maybe it's because the heroine is a girl. You don't find a lot of good fantasy stories with girl heroines.
My high school senior mascot is a dragon. Take that, monkey!

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