Apocalypse

This is a really weird way to write, and probably is hard to understand at times. Really rough, but I wanted to see what people thought of the style and content before I worked to continue. Some of the MC's speech isn't necessarily correct grammar, but it's not supposed to be.


Day One:
I am alone, the only person left alive on earth.
Everyone else is either dead or. . . Well, here I’ll show you.
-Camera zooms in on something far in the distance. There is a whirring noise as it tries to focus, and then the dark form sharpens to reveal a half decayed body missing its eyes and an arm. Flesh is peeling off its limbs, and one of the creatures ankles is broken off. It shuffles along on a stub, not noticing the girl behind the camera-
So yep. This is my suicide attempt at getting something that could maybe be the cure or something like that. Gonna document it the entire way too, so when all you piece of shit zombie things return to normal, you can make me your queen or something.
Alright, here goes nothing.

Day Two:
-There is a sudden bright light, and a pale filthy face is reveled. The girls hair looks like it used to be blonde, but now is just the color of dirt. Her eyes are barely visible as she squints in the sun, and then the camera is pointed away from its owner.-
Okay. So here I am, another supermarket. Let’s see how many disgusting freaks of nature are living in here, eh?
-All that’s left of the store’s sign is an M. The girl seems hesitant to move forward, hefting the camera like she might have to use it as a weapon. The images on the screen are shaking and wavering as her hand tremors. She laughs nervously before continuing her monologue.-
Maybe this one will actually have food in it! Pssh yeah. For being inhabited by things that eat nothing but human flesh, the world sure has a shortage of food.
-A thin-fingered hand reaches out and hesitantly shoves the automatic door open. It’s so clogged with debris that it takes a few minutes, but apparently it slides just wide enough for the girl to get through because the camera is suddenly filming isles of rotting fruit.-
Oh god, what the fuck… Who the hell would let all this go to waste? I could have feasted on this. I mean, sure I find stuff, but it would be nice to have fresh… anything.
-The camera’s image waves wildly around as the girl swipes as the many flies swarming the rotting substances.-
Do you think they’re anything left in here?
-Her voice is a quiet whisper, and suddenly there is the sound of something falling. Then all the shelves are thudding into each other, crashing to the ground in a sound loud enough to attract zombies for miles. The only thing left standing in the store is one of the undead, mostly intact except for a huge hole in its face where its eyes and mouth should have been.-
I meant food, not you, ya’ dumb ass!
-The voice is earsplitting on the tape. There is continued yelling as an arm clothed in short sleeves is seen fumbling around for a weapon.-
Damn it, why did I come in here unarmed? I know better than this!
-A hand lands on a twisted piece of metal left over from one of the destroyed candy bar racks. Sounds are heard as the zombie bumbles around, searching for the girl with it’s hands. The camera is suddenly thrown down on the floor and the girl screams as the view on the screen shows a torn up pair of loafers next to combat boots. There’s a sickening thud and the zombie falls to the ground.-
Augh. Stupid bastard had his gross fingers in my hair.
-Combat boots kick the creature and his torso twitches. His head isn’t visible, but the girls leans down over it and blood spats the lens. The creature must be dead for good, because blurry features appear behind the red.-
Oh. I don’t know if I introduced myself. I probably should have done this yesterday, but all I was thinking about then was how you were all going to call me ‘princess’ or something, so it wasn’t top priority.
-Something wipes the lens to reveal the girls blue-gray eyes contrasted against her now almost completely ketchup colored face.-
Finnish, and not my real name, but I’m Jaana all the same.
-Thinks for a second.-
Ha, that rhymed.
-The stormy orbs glance at something on the camera before stammering as fast as the pale lips on Jaana's face will move-
Crap, I have a low-
-Camera fuzzes to black before she can continue-

That's all I have so far, please comment!

I will say I am so happy some one wrote a zombie story. I don't see a lot of those around here. Okay, here's my review. Since this is written in a camara-like Pov, wouldn't you discribe the girl and her surroundings. The readers have to picture what's happening. Show don't tell us. Make the action part...have more action. I got kind of bored reading that part and it was vague. Describe what is happening, describe what she is feeling in any or all the situations, and describe her actions.
I think this is a good start. Keep writing and practicing. Oh, It is great you are writing a zombie story.

This is a really interesting perspective. However, as another reviewer already said, this should be a little more suspensful and exciting. When the girl confronted the zombie in the grocery store, my heart wasn't really pounding. Maybe if you focused on the build up it would have a bigger effect... Anyway, I think this is a awesome idea, it just needs a little more adrenaline. Overall though, nice job!