The beast and the beauty

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The start of another dreadfull year, at the most boring of English colleges. I was starting to wish that despite the creditations I would get out of all this I would much prefer to just stay at home and watch TV. The only thing stopping me from that was the hockey, I was going to succeed at becoming captain this year. Rubbing my sore eyes I sat up, gauping at the hideous reflection in the mirror at the opposite side of the room. "Oh God!" Like lightening I stood and rushed around getting ready, tameing my wild hair, appying as much makeup that I could. Maybe partying on the last night of the holidays wasn't such a good idea, my head was pounding and my stomach whirling.

Was I going to be sick? No I was good. Hightailing it down the stairs, quickly pecking my mother on the cheeck, tripping on my scarf and getting into the car of my best friend Gwen. "You're pushing it Talia," she scoulded me. I growled to myself as the raing began to pour, I had forgotten my umbrella! All I could see in the day ahead was water and alot of it. I would no doubt drop all my new books in it too, I was prone to things like that.

Like a movie star on the red carpet Gwen strutted in front of me whilst I, the sidekick, followed shortly behind. I diddn't used to be her ever faithful sidekick, we were once equals. She an amazing singer and I, the sporty one. This all changed with the arrival of Tyrus Tabelt. Admittedly he was beautiful, the pround owner of long blobe curls, sickeningly sweet blue eyes anda laughthat rang through the ears of most the girls like a mating signal. All of a sudden most girls would crowd aroud him leaving me, the girls on wich his charm had no effect. To this he was annoyed and spent the whole of the previous yeartrying to seduce me, failing that he and Gwen became an item making Gwen the supirior of all girls and I the lucky one who got to follow her around all day.

Out of my daydream I realised that I had been holding Gwen's books, knowing she was probably behind the bike shed with Tyrus I went that way. Crash! All the books fell to the floor mine included. Tyrus had his teeth clenched around my best friend's neck, hearing the crash he looked up to see a frightened little me. Releasing her neck he stepped towards me. Stepping backwards in time with his forward steps I stumbled into someone else. "Is there a problem here?" I had stumbeled into a new teacher. Tyrus seemed scared and soon backed away like he was under pain of death.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They ran at each other claws at the ready, anger in there eyes. The beast ran at the beauty
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Talia Jerlwater! Lift your head off the desk!"
787ellen




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I like it but I would reread it because there's a lot of fragments or run on sentences and some spelling mistakes. Make sure to fully reread your prompts. You have a good story here. :) Can't wait to read the next chapter
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Hey, I'm Dreaming and I'm going to try and review this piece for you. (Corrections will be in RED)


The start of another dreadful year, at the most boring of English colleges. I was starting to wish that despite the creditations (I'd find a better word to put here, like credentials?) I would get out of all this, I would much prefer to just stay at home and watch TV. The only thing stopping me from that was the hockey; I was going to succeed at becoming captain this year. Rubbing my sore eyes I sat up, gauping (did you mean gawking?) at the hideous reflection in the mirror at the opposite side of the room. "Oh God!" Like lightening I stood and rushed around getting ready; tameing (taming) my wild hair and appying (applying) as much makeup that I could (to my plain face? give a very slight, one word description of her face here maybe). Maybe partying on the last night of the holidays wasn't such a good idea, my head was pounding and my stomach whirling.

Was I going to be sick? No I was good. Hightailing it down the stairs, quickly pecking my mother on the [color=#FF0000]cheeck (cheek), tripping on my scarf and getting into the car of my best friend Gwen[/color](Fragment). "You're pushing it Talia," she scoulded (scolded) me. I growled to myself as the raing (rain) began to pour, I had forgotten my umbrella! All I could see in the day ahead was water, and alot (a lot) of it. I would no doubt drop all my new books in it too; I was prone to things like that.

Like a movie star on the red carpet Gwen strutted in front of me whilst I, the sidekick, followed shortly behind. I diddn't (didn't) used (use to) to be her ever faithful sidekick, we were once equals. She an amazing singer and I, the sporty one. This all changed with the arrival of Tyrus Tabelt. Admittedly he was beautiful, the pround(proud) owner of long blobe (blonde) curls, sickeningly sweet blue eyes and a laugh that rang through the ears of most of the girls like a mating signal. All of a sudden most girls would crowd aroud him leaving me, the girls on wich his charm had no effect (rephrase this. The "all of a sudden" part doesn't sound right to me.) To this he was annoyed and spent the whole of the previous (I think you mean "next" year. Previous means before) year trying to seduce me, failing that he and Gwen (doesn't make sense) became an item making Gwen the supirior superior of all girls and I the lucky one who got to follow her around all day.

Out of my daydream I realised realized that I had been holding Gwen's books, knowing she was probably behind the bike shed with Tyrus, I went that way. Crash! All the books fell to the floor, mine included. Tyrus had his teeth clenched around my best friend's neck. Hearing the crash he looked up to see a frightened little me. Releasing her neck he stepped towards me. Stepping backwards in time with his forward steps I stumbled into someone else. "Is there a problem here?" I had stumbeled stumbled into a new teacher. Tyrus seemed scared and soon backed away like he was under pain of death.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They ran at each other claws at the ready, anger in there eyes. The beast ran at the beauty

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Talia Jerlwater! Lift your head off the desk!"


Okay, so overall I am a bit confused about where you are going with this story. Some background info would be great to clear up any confusion the reader might have.
"The thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too." - P.S. I Love You




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There are some spelling mistakes. I think you would need to proofread your story a few times. You misspelled a lot of words. Maybe they were just typos, but you still need to proofread more. I don't understand the story that much. I keep wondering, "Why was Tyrus' teeth clenched on Gwen's neck?" Probably because he is a beast, right? But how did he become a beast? I also don't get WHY Tyrus fell in love with Gwen(or maybe the other way 'round?)

Good job, but you need to put more time and effort into your stories.
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t act a little childish sometimes.”-The Fourth Doctor
"Who I was, what I did, that's not who I am." - Castiel
"Friends protect you." - John Watson



Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
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