Still Waiting

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Points 194
Reviews 155
memories come to knock at your door
only to cause pain and longings, with almost nothing to give
like feet that reach out but never get close enough
but still leave a trail on the rough terrain

I was born on the third day of the bloodshed,
wrote 'FATE' on the Kangri's smeared ashes.
For long in silence we mourned the death of innocence,
the deep cuts from the barbed wire still fresh on our flesh

you're not like those who would shake my hand
and when I turn, pump the whole clip into my back.
So when you flaunt your knives in front of my eyes,
I am at peace, a martyr to trust

and even if I die thinking about what concerns me,
I will never know who mixed the poison in my drink
as I lose my breath and merge with the painless,
the formless, regardless of who I was before

I think God saw my struggle, what's the show for?
calamities and adversities taught me to be calm
and wait for the blessing that's given to the deserving
I am still waiting, doubtful and sure.


____________________________________________________

Kangri : Is a traditional pot filled with ash, and burning coal used by Kashmiris to warm themselves during the cold winter. It's a symbol of Kashmiris.
You either worship something higher than yourself or end up worshiping yourself

Naturally Tipsy ©




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Points 1850
Reviews 82
Hi there!
I like your poem! It contains a lot of emotion. The title is very fit for the poem. I'm not much of a poet, so I don't really know if your poem has any nit-picks, but I don't think it needs to be edited! Overall, I like this poem a lot! Good job and keep it up!

- gleek456 <3
YOU'VE GOT THAT ONE THING




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Gender Female
Points 1711
Reviews 103
There was a lot of powerful emotion, and you did a good job of making it flow very well; however, I think that at the start it wasn't clear enough what the feelings of the poem were meant to reflect. You rectified that in the last couple of stanzas, but that's really the only nitpick I can find with this.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.
To be human.




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Points 194
Reviews 155
Feedback much appreciated. Thanks!
You either worship something higher than yourself or end up worshiping yourself

Naturally Tipsy ©




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 6
This is a nice poem. It kept me wondering what exactly happened or is happening to the character. It spoke truly of how long it can take for the trials to cease and blessings to come. The title was appropriate. The first stanza was my favorite -- I liked how you personified the memories. Very nice job!



I drink tea and forget the world's noises.
— Chinese saying