Chapter 2 (unknown title)

"So Lauren, who are you going to the dance with?" I glanced up from my tray of muck. It had been manager's choice that day, but it was the exact same thing; some green goo that smelled suspiciously of spinach, only this time it contained little orange chunks I suspected to be carrots.
Vicki nudged my shoulder. "Lauren, are you listening?" I had been watching the new member of our group, Tori, eat her green goo. She was about the only one who ate the stuff and insisted it was delicious. That was perfectly understandable, considering she came from a family of vegetarians.
Vicki nudged me a bit harder this time, almost knocking me into Tori. "Hey!" I looked up at Vicki and gave my apologies. She waved them away with a flick of her hand and went on to pestering me. "Who who who who who?"
"If you must know, I'm not going to the dance." I knew what was coming next.
"What!" Just as I suspected, Vicki was astounded as usual and made a big deal out of nothing. This incident caught the attention of my other companions, Katie and Alyss. The three of them stared at me as though I had committed a murder. I ignored them and pointed my attention towards the three misfits in the corner.
Am I the only one who sees them as regular humans? They aren't too abnormal.. All of the sudden, the short one stood up and shouted, "HOORAY!" There was an awkward pause, then everyone acted as though nothing had happened. All right, I admit they are oddballs at times, but are they really as bad as everyone believes they are?
I sat there watching the taller one glowering at the shortie. He wasn't that bad-looking. I smiled to myself and my eyes met Angel's. She turned around quickly when she noticed me staring. Extremely shy, that one. A few weeks after she finally started to talk to me, she came up to me and explained Mathew and her were going out. That must be the shortie. I knew that's what she wanted, and I didn't attempt to stop her. However, I did open her eyes a bit wider to the consequences of this act. If she made that choice, she would most likely never be excepted as an equal in this school again. Apparently it was because I found her sitting with Mathew everyday ever since. Perfectly all right with me, but I did miss Angel.
My gaze returned to the tall one. He was leaning against the wall, clearly in a horrid mood. I began to put myself in their position. My mind stared to wander and turned into a day dream. It was me and the three weirdos against the world, dodging spitballs and gum wads all through the day. I was bullied this way and that, but my three friends were always there for me to fall back on. During my day dream lunch, I was beginning to enjoy myself. The four of us were laughing in the face of the earth and at the people who made our lives miserable. However, all of that didn't matter because we had each other. We were an unstoppable force.
Was that the better life? I slowly came back to reality and fixed my gaze on the tall one again. He was looking at me. I noticed his buddy Mathew pointing at my table and I quickly went back to staring at my green goo. Did it just move? Suddenly I remembered Vicki and flicked my head up. Where'd she go? I looked around and noticed half the students were gone. Oops. I dunked my uneaten lunch in the trash, then followed the mob of students to sixth period. I soon spotted my friends near the front of the crowd and went up to greet them. Tori was the only one who acknowledged my presence.

In the middle of ninth period, Vicki passed me a note. I feared its contents and unfolded it very slowly.

Meet me at my locker after school.

I frowned, wondering what this could mean for me.
When the bell rang, I dragged my feet to Vicki's locker, fearing the worst. I found Vicki and company leaning against the lockers, arms crossed in front of them. Suddenly I felt very small. Planting my feet in front of her, I looked up into her eyes like a naughty child awaiting punishment. Vicki was taller than me by 4 inches which made this sticky situation worse. She looked down at me with amusement? Regret? Maybe anger? Waiting for a response, I looked down at my shoes. It seemed like hours, but Vicki finally spoke.
"Lauren. Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. I can not believe you did not see this coming, as smart as you are." Something was really wrong here. Vicki was obviously enjoying my ignorance, and I hated her for that.
"Can't you see? We've been using you, dear." I must've looked really confused because Vicki said,"You don't get it, do you?" I shook my head. She sighed.
"Don't you remember? You used to have the best scores in the school, besides the nerds. But then Tori came." Vicki gave me a few more pieces to the puzzle, but it seemed I was missing one. What was it? "Don't you remember 'helping' us with our homework?" The pieces clicked. The puzzle was complete. They had only been my friends so they could use me. I did their homework for them all these years. And Tori had just moved here and topped my scores by just a few points in everything. How had I been so stupid? They ditched me for Tori. The new guinea pig. Vicki smiled at my pain. "I'm glad you finally understand." And with that, Vicki and company left me standing there soaking in the shock. I don't have any friends. Moving like a zombie, I opened my locker and started dropping books in my backpack. I was taking it all in when someone tapped me lightly on the head. Backpack in hand, I turned on my heel and was surprised to see someone completely unexpected.
Angel gave me her famous blank look. She looked completely void of life until you looked deep within her eyes. They contained a massive amount of intellect and wisdom; too much for an average teenage girl. When Angel spoke, she was very straight forward, not caring if the words she just communed were the least bit strange. I had expected that, but the topic completely threw me off guard.
"Are you currently dating anyone?" I stared at her curiously. I had learned to answer her questions without asking any in return.
"No..."
"Will you consider Arnold Holloway? He is most interested in your character." Her toneless voice was almost inhuman.
"Oh...uh ok." So that's what the tall one's name was.
"His locker number is 215. He wishes to ask you something." And with that, Angel moved gracefully down the hallway toward the double doors. That was one of the strangest conversations I've ever had.

I walked down the hallway, listening to my shoes click against the floor. If I asked him out, I would lose all my current companions. Wait. Lauren, what current companions? Didn't Vicki just tell you the entire relationship with these people was a lie? Isn't Tori the new guinea pig? Sigh. Sulking with misery, I almost bumped into Arnold. Apparently he hadn't noticed me yet. Good. Ok Lauren. Time to put on your happy face. I knocked off the horrible feeling inside me and replaced it with confidence. Who cares about those jerks? You're about to get a boyfriend. Awesome right?
Suddenly, Arnold turned around and almost walked into me. He looked awfully surprised to see me standing there. I smiled but my heart wasn't into it. He stood there saying nothing so I looked down at my shoes. He started to speak so I looked into his eyes. That seemed to make him even more nervous. Oops. Arnold was stuttering really bad. Wow. I helped him out a bit and let a giggle escape by accident. He finally asked me if I wanted to go to the dance with him.
"I'd be delighted," I answered. He took a sigh of relief, and we walked towards the park, having the delight of some small talk. Until one boy ruined it all. He tapped Arnold rather forcefully on the shoulder, then punched him in the face. I screamed, completely surprised by this action. I looked at the deliverer of the punch and recognized the face of the one juvinial delinquent at our school. Charlie. I twisted my head towards Arnold, hoping he would get up and give this bully a taste of his own medicine, but alas. He's the boyfriend! He's the one who's supposed to stand up for us! Ugh. Must I do everything myself?

nice story !

A typical teenage drama .. I have read both the chapters and I liked how you made the MC's so different .. Your story is really good ..

But I do think you should give a name to it though .. and also I think there are a few grammar mistakes but since my grammar is not so great I think you should consult someone else too.

keep writing

Well, you seem to have plenty of feedback on Chapter 1, so I'll focus on this one.

-As the others have said before me, get a title. Even if it's just a working title, you need something to identify your work by. It actually is a motivation tool because it gives the piece a name, an identity, and it's harder to give up on.

[Why can't this school cook the students something edible?] While there's nothing inherently wrong with this line, the diction and tone you used in the paragraph that this sentence ended were better than this. Choose your words more carefully, and try to stay away from the cliche "Why can't this" or "I'm so tired of that". Don't tell me what the narrator is thinking....show me.

[That WAS perfectly understandable, considering her entire family ARE vegetarians.] - tense disagreement here. Watch for that throughout your story.

And, as always, keep writing.

Hello, Muffin.
I like how you twist to a different POV. I would write at the top, center who the speaker is in each chapter. I like this character development. I love how we expected Lauren to be the "way-out-of-your-league" type of girl, and she turns out to be sort of an outcaste in her own sense.
While I still enjoyed it, I'm not sure that I liked this chapter quite as much as the first one. As dawgwriter said, you do a lot of telling in this chapter. I love the sarcastic tone she has, but maybe you could portray it through facial expressions and actions rather than thoughts, if that makes sense.
Nitpicks:

some green goo that smelled suspiciously of spinach, only this time it contained little orange chunks I suspected to be carrots. How wonderfully disgusting. XD I loved this line.

Why can't this school cook the students something edible? Personally, I don't think you need this sentence, but if you're attached to it, go ahead and keep it.

"Lauren, are you listening?"Any time you address someone directly by name, you need commas around their name.

She was about the only one who ate the stuff and insisted it was delicious.I know someone like that... That was perfectly understandable, considering her entire family are she came from a family of vegetarians.

"Who who who who who?" Um...I really want to put commas between each of these, but I think that would slow down the flow. Grammatically, I think they should be there, but you might get away with leaving them out.

She was very persistent and I had no choice but to answer her. This is implied, so you don't really need it.

The three of them stared at me as though I had recently committed a murder.

I ignored the lot of them and pointed my attention towards the three misfits in the corner.

Whenever I saw the odd trio, my mind went through its usual routine of questions. How do they cope with the isolation? Why do people hate them so? Am I the only one who sees them as regular humans? They aren't too abnormal.. All of the sudden, the short one stood up and shouted, "HOORAY!" There was an awkward pause, then everyone acted as though nothing had happened. All right, I admit they are oddballs at times, but are they really as bad as everyone believes they are? I'm not sure I like this paragraph. I think it goes back to the telling thing. Series of questions can be annoying for a reader. I would make a simply statement of "they can't be as bad as everyone thinks..." or something, and then go straight into Matthew standing up.

He wasn't that bad-looking (I think this should be hyphenated, but I'm not entirely sure. "Good-looking" is hyphenated, so it would make sense that "bad-looking" is as well).

I smiled to myself, and my eyes met Angel's.

Extremely shy, that one.

A few weeks after she finally started to talk to me, she came up to me and explained Mathew and her were going out. told me she was going out with Matthew. [color=#800080]The flow of this sentence sort of tripped me.[/color]

However, I did open her eyes a bit wider to the consequences of this act.You might consider combining these sentences. I would suggest a colon. If she made that choice, she would most likely never be excepted accepted as an equal in this school again. Was that what she really wanted? Apparently it was that's what she wanted because I found her sitting with Mathew everyday ever since. Perfectly all right with me, but I did miss Angel. I just hope she's happy where she is. This is purely my personal opinion, so you can ignore me if you want, but I don't care for this line. I think it's a little over-used.

I noticed his buddy, Mathew, pointing at my table, and I quickly went back to staring at my green goo. Did it just move? Um...ew.

I dunked my science experiment in the trash,Was she working on a science experiment during lunch, or was she talking about the food. I wasn't really clear on that.

Meet me at your locker after ninth period.

Since this is written on the note, I would identify it against the narration with italics or quotation marks.

Planting my feet in front of her, I looked up into her eyes;no semicolon. I don't think you need a comma, either. like a naughty child awaiting punishment.

Vicki was taller than me by 4 inches, which made this sticky situation worse.

They had only been my friends so they could use me. I did their homework for them all these years. And Tori had just moved here and topped my scores by just a few points in everything. How had I been so stupid? They ditched me for Tori. The new guinea pig. Vicki smiled at my pain. "I'm glad you finally understand." And with that, Vicki and company left me standing there soaking in the shock.How would you feel about letting the reader put this together instead of spelling it out for them? Use Vicki's dialogue to explain that Tori has higher grades. I don't know. You can play with it.

He is most interested in your character.That's a strange way to put it.

Isn't Tori the new guinea pig? Sigh.Either make this a complete sentence or leave it out. It's a little to informal as it is.

You're about to get a boyfriend. Awesome, right? Poor girl. Methinks she needs to work on her self-esteem.

Arnold was stuttering really badly.

In this section, I love how you hint that she's frustrated with how...ineloquent Arnold is, but is so desperate to replace her catty posse that she accepts his invitation anyway. Am I reading too much into that?

I screamed, completely surprised by this action. I looked at the deliverer of the punch and recognizedturning and recognizing the face of the one juvinial delinquent at our school - Charlie.

As always, this wording is just a minor suggestion.

He's the boyfriend! He's the one who's supposed to stand up for us! Ugh. Must I do everything myself?I love Lauren's voice here. With the last line, though, I feel it's a little over-used as well. I'm sure you can get creative. Really show us her perception of Arnold.

I think you've got a great start here. I'm still interested to see where the fantasy kicks in, so keep me posted. I like how the characters are evolving. Good luck, and happy writing!
-Sea-

thanks ppl. ya I didn't like this chapter as much as the first either and I'm still working on the third. Iv actually written all the way up to the fifth chapter at home, but I'm still not sure is that's how I want the story to play out. This chapter was not part of the written work, but I thought it would be interesting to see what went on in Laurens head. Chapter three. I'm not entirely sure yet if I'm going to have Lauren or Arnold tell that one.