Closure
‘I’ve never been to this beach alone before‘ she thought as she parked. Today, though, she was completely and utterly alone. Not only did no one accompany her, but the beach itself was deserted.
She sat in her car at the top of the dunes, watching the waves roll in and recede under the darkened sky. Pushing back the painful memories that threatened to overwhelm her, she worked up the courage to walk, walk along the beach that they had walked so many times before.
The first thing she felt as she climbed out of the car was the cold, the wind taking away any last warmth from the sun that could have penetrated through the dense cloud.
“This was a bad idea,” she muttered, the wind whipping away her words in a second.
Still, though she kept walking, she needed to do this, for herself, for him.
Her shoes dug into the soft sand as she trudged along the beach, keeping her eyes lowered until she reached their place, that was theirs and seemed to be theirs alone. The little sheltered alcove under the strip of trees parallel to the beach.
She could no longer block out his face, it was here that she felt closest to him and it was here that she finally let the memories of him wash over her. She could see him, feel him. She saw his grey-blue eyes just about to close as they kissed for the first time. Feel his arm around her shoulders as they shared a picnic. Hear his soft rhythmic breathing as he slept in the shade as she watched his chest rise and fall.
Here is where she finally let herself cry for him. He died away from all his loved ones, breathing his last breath with no one to comfort him. He would never see his children grow up. Never come home to the place he loved so much, such a peaceful place away from all the war and terror that claimed his life.
Sobs racked her body as she sat on the carpet of pine needles under those immense trees. She felt small and unimportant, unlike when she was here with him. The wind howled through the trees, the waves crashed on the shore, these cycles went on. Nothing, it seemed, missed a beat because of her misery.
When she had all but run out of tears she knew what she had to do next. She dug in the earth beneath the trees with her bare hands. It was soft enough to dig her nails in to prise out the dirt for her hole. When she had a small hole big enough, she gently placed in it the satin covered box that held their wedding rings.
“I still love you and I always will” she said quietly as she placed a handful of soil on that precious box.
The first drops of rain fell as she strode back up the beach. She didn’t care though; she had done what she needed to do. Though she knew that she would never come back here. Not without him.
. This story was so touching!