Cat is Friend.

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Thomas J Reynolds overlooked the sprawling metropolis with pride, taking in all its urban smells, its rejuvenating air. He reached out and stroked each building lovingly. This was his city, built from the ground up by his supple, dexterous hands. Scooting back, he let out a deep sigh. Indeed the task had consumed him, eaten away at other aspects of his being, but it was finally done. It was beautiful. Behind him, the door swung open. Not unusual at this hour, but for some reason the hairs stood on the back of his neck. Could someone have come to ruin his life’s work right at the apex of its completion? He turned as quickly as he could. Slowly.

'Hi Tommy! Legos again? This room’s a mess. Well, you won’t have to play with those ol’ things anymore, because Mommy’s got something for you. Surprise, it’s a kitty!'

Five minutes later, Thomas J Reynolds puffed out his red-blotched cheeks and wore a scowl that made his chubby chin look like an island. It was unfair. Not only had his Legos been taken from him but now he sat alone in the living room with only this strange, foreign thing for company. He got up to inspect it. Was it a toy of some kind? His eyes brightened a bit. It couldn’t possibly replace Legos, but maybe it was worth a look. His arms stretched out and sifted through the black-and-white striped fur for some kind of button or movable piece to start the object or take it apart. It twitched. Thomas shot back alarmedly. Was it his imagination? No, all bets were off. This was no toy. The thing was moving completely by its own accord. The eyes blinked. The tail swished. The whiskers twitched. Soon, however, Thomas’ nervous trepidation faded into disappointment as the thing settled back into an unmoving state. He narrowed his eyes. Its movement had taken him by surprise but now that he looked at the thing, it was certainly no Legos. It was downright ugly with its black-slit eyes, the imperfectly striped fur, and the tapered, uneven whiskers couldn’t hold a candle to his father’s impressive mane. He turned away from it in disdain. Perhaps he could persuade his mother into returning his Legos if he employed the bubbly lip tactic. It was worth a shot. He made a move to exit the room.

'Meow.'

The feral hunter’s cry sent chills through Thomas’ veins. Something caught in his throat as he tried to move, but the sound had somehow managed to petrify his upper body and render his legs useless jelly. Only his head would budge and it craned towards the sound’s source. What had once seemed like a harmless figure now stared back at him, a vicious creature. Nightmare-green eyes latched and held onto his gaze. The narrow black slits seemed to pierce his soul. A one-sided stare-down commenced, brief and terrifying. The boy gulped, and the animal moved first. As it pawed forward, Thomas tried and failed to recall the art of breathing. He tried again to move. Still jelly. Closer and closer it came with slow, deliberate movements. With every step, the boy’s eyes widened more in panic. Finally, after a thousand slides of slinking cat vs. statue boy, it was upon him. He squeezed shut his eyes. A heart stopped beating. So short was his life that he could not reflect on how short was his life.

A tongue lapped his cheek. He shuddered, opening one eye. What sort of devious murder strategy was this? Again. Tommy giggled. Again. If the cat was trying to kill him by laughter, it was succeeding. As the slippery stream of licks nestled into his pudgy cheeks, a torrent of pure spring laughter bubbled out of him and filled the room, coaxing a wide smile out of his mother.

“See honey, I knew he’d warm up to her. Oh, they look so cute together.”

“I still think he should’ve gotten a dog. Every boy should grow up with a dog. Nobody says cats are man's best friend.”

By now Tommy and his new cat were racing around the living room

“Well, he got a cat. And I think this cat could be this man’s best friend. What do you think Tommy, do you like her?”

Tommy pulled up wearing a flushed smile on his face and stopped for a moment before answering, “cat is friend.”

“Ooh, did you hear that? Did you hear?”

“Yeah, it sounded like he said, ‘I want a dog, mommy.’”

“Gosh I didn’t realize we had two toddlers in the house.”

“Hrmph.”

Tommy and cat zoomed around the living room table until dizziness pulled them onto the floor.

“Oh don’t pout. I know how much you wanted a dog so to make it up to you, I brought us home some nice steaks to celebrate the occasion. Our first pet!”

“Hrm.”

“There’s just one teensy little problem.”

“What’s that?”

“I- I don’t really know how to cook steaks.”

“Heh. It is a man’s job after all. Here, since you went to the trouble of buying them, I guess I’ll grill them for you.”

“My hero!”

She scooped up the cat with one hand and headed into the foyer as her husband went into the kitchen. Tommy followed behind laughing and repeating the words "cat" and "friend." She smiled serenely to herself, to the world. This moment could wash away all the stress in the world, and she let it. In the background a sizzling frying pan intermingled with the cheerful sounds of her son's laughter as the playful cat looked up at her with innocent eyes and purred in her arms. Indeed, she thought, cat is friend.

Clang! Hiss! "OW!"

Sigh. Cat is friend, yes. Life, life is work.

Spoiler
Thomas J Reynolds looked down on his blocky metropolis. A dark shadow cast on his face. The buildings before him now seemed so... lifeless. Yet, he had painstakingly crafted each one by his own hands. The emotions came flooding back and he had to mentally focus to push them back. His partner pawed beside him noiselessly and nudged his legs with her warm nose, bringing him back to the task at hand. He looked at her with fondness knowing that without her support he would never be able to go through it. Solemnly, he adorned his head with a thin long strip of black-striped cloth. Three deft wrap-arounds. It was time.

"RAWRR, Tommy the City-Crusher and Kit the Cat have ARRIVED! Dananananana"

"TOMMY! Don't make such a mess with those Legos, and get your father's tie off your head this instant! Kit, bad kitty, use the litter box, THE LITTER BOX!"




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Hello there :)
Thomas J Reynolds overlooked the sprawling metropolis with pride, taking in all its urban smells, its rejuvenating air. He reached out and stroked each building lovingly. This was his city, built from the ground up by his supple, dexterous hands. Scooting back, he let out a deep sigh. Indeed the task had consumed him, eaten away at other aspects of his being, but it was finally done.
Hmm, I just loved this! Very eloquent use of words and to the point, good job.

Hi Tommy! Legos again? This room’s a mess. Well, you won’t have to play with those ol’ things anymore, because Mommy’s got something for you. Surprise, it’s a kitty!'
There's too much said in this speech. Try varying it with different actions the character may have been doing while saying this.

“See honey, I knew he’d warm up to her. Oh, they look so cute together.”

“I still think he should’ve gotten a dog. Every boy should grow up with a dog. Nobody says cats are man's best friend.”
Another thing with your dialogue is that you don't point out who's talking. It's very important, even though I sense what you're trying to do, to make note of who's talking. It's makes things so much easier. You seem to do this through out the story. Read this for tips on dialogue.

So overall, I think I pretty much pointed out the major problem areas. What I have to say is that you write so beautifully. I loved your metaphors and the way you played with your words. I feel because of that, my attention was not looking for any flaws in the story because it was distracted by your writing. Keep it up.
However, I do have to help you out as well by pointing out 'the' flaws. Your story needs a bit more...umph! so to speak. I really felt like you could have added more characterisation. After reading it, I still had no idea who the other people in the room were. As much as I loved your writing, the plot was a little 'under developed'. But that's my opinion, I don't know about someone else.

So I hope I could help a little.

Keep writing, good job on this and good luck!
The best is what you make it!

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*gasp!!!!!!!!!!!* Now, this was a good read! I loved it! It really brought out the kid in me, and reminded me that while constructing your own world is fun, exciting, and amazing, experiences from life are what help bring color to the world.

The opening was delicious, and brought us instantly into the realm of your story. The dialogue from the mother was short, brief, yet it did wonders as far as characterization. Bravo indeed.

The part about the cats meow being a 'feral roar'? I cannot applaud you enough. It submerged me in the mind of a child, and I could feel the terror of the great new feline being thrown into my world. :D

The dialogue was kept life-like and authentic. It helped keep the story real, and kept me an active part of the world.

I'm sorry if this review is not helpful enough, but I tried the best I could at the present moment. Thank you so much for this read, it was wonderful. I really needed this to refresh myself, and your story did just that.
"Beer is living proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin




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Can i take the credit for inspiration??? :)

I liked your sentences that were worded craftily. For instance, the part where he turns around quickly but slowly. And also the other one "so short was his life that he could not reflect on how short was his life."

Was the spoiler an alternate ending?

I also enjoyed how you used "dizziness pulled them to the floor". That's a great use of personification.

Loved the intro, because I was thinking about The Grand Architect from Matrix when I read it.

Only thing I didn't like was the dialogue between the mom and dad at the end. Like from this part:

“Oh don’t pout. I know how much you wanted a dog so to make it up to you, I brought us home some nice steaks to celebrate the occasion. Our first pet!”

“Hrm.”

“There’s just one teensy little problem.”

“What’s that?”

“I- I don’t really know how to cook steaks.”

“Heh. It is a man’s job after all. Here, since you went to the trouble of buying them, I guess I’ll grill them for you.”

“My hero!”

Something seems a little awkward and unnatural.

I really liked the ending part where the Mom's thoughts are portrayed that life is work. This really captured the modern sense of a mom who has to work to provide for her (incompetent) husband and family. That was well done for a guy :)!
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Okay, it's been a long time in coming, but here it is.

The first message/motif we come upon is the difference in how a child views his world and how an adult would.
We see that Thomas J Reynolds refers to himself this way. Just his self-identification shows that Thomas J Reynolds treats himself with respect. His mother, on the other hand, treats him like a toddler and calls him Tommy.

The second hint we see early on, is the specific career of an architect. An architect is someone who plans, designs, and builds things. Basically, its a career of control and skill. This is indirect characterization where you supply Thomas's determination to be the one in charge. (We're going to see a change in this, but that's for later.)

The starting point of Thomas's initial discontent with the kitten is the fact that it refuses to be controlled. This is a clashing point/plot complication in this short story. Because Thomas can't control the live kitten like a plain lego block, he is taken back in surprise. We see this reaction in this line:
He narrowed his eyes. Its movement had taken him by surprise but now that he looked at the thing, it was certainly no Legos. It was downright ugly with its black-slit eyes, the imperfectly striped fur, and the tapered, uneven whiskers couldn’t hold a candle to his father’s impressive mane. He turned away from it in disdain.


Then, you introduce the climax of the story. Thomas and the kitten have a showdown, and basically Thomas ends up giving in, or signaling his defeat. While he expects a gruesome ending, what actually happens is that the kitten reaches out a paw of friendship.

From here on out is the conclusion, which you write beautifully by the way. The only downer to this story is that long dialogue between the parents sort of slows the pace down, and if I may say, even gets in the way of the story.

And though you don't outright tell us, the moral we deduce from reading "Cat is Friend" is that Thomas J Reynolds finds a partnership instead of dominance, one that brings him more happiness than he could have possibly imagined.

Also, I appreciate how you never go into detail about the parents. I think because you left them out of the equation, it was a lot easier to concentrate on just Thomas and his kitten.

Okay, so how was this? Pretty comprehensive I must say! :)
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Absolutely delicious first paragraph! I loved how elogantly you were able to describe a lego city.

My favorite part by far was the tentative first meeting. As horrible as this may sound, his terror felt so real! The dramatic irony in which the reader knows how harmlesss the creature really is makes the story that much more enjoyable. It painted such a bubbly and convivial picture in my head! Great work!

Hi Tommy! Legos again? This room’s a mess. Well, you won’t have to play with those ol’ things anymore, because Mommy’s got something for you. Surprise, it’s a kitty!'


The only flaw I could really find was just a matter of preferred writing styles, I suppose, and it's a tiny one. The first dialogue by the mother seems to be a bit rambling, you may consider trimming it a little or breaking it up. This really didn't take away from the story at all; just a little nit picking. ;)

Anyway, this was a charming and very well written piece of work!



Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour