Here I Go Again

This story I have written is for a contest. Objective: turn a love song into a story but...no romance can be in the story. I was assigned the song "Here We Go Again" by Demi Lovato. [I promise to give a review, of similar quality, to those I receive. Any type of review is good, so please help! Also, if you could give me the link to whatever you want reviewed that would be great!]

**Note: I understand why one might think this piece is dramatic, but one of my friends has an addiction and she flips back and fourth like this all the time. This is basically a take on her story, and I am just writing about what I see. **

Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMHHUsQRmvo

Lyrics:

Spoiler

I throw all of your stuff away
Then I clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages
I tell everyone we are through
'Cause I'm so much better without you
But it's just another pretty lie
'Cause I break down
Every time you come around
Oh oh!

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should've known better than trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together, you'd think that by now I'd know
'Cause here we go go go again

You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Every time that you look at me
You only hear half of what I say
And you're always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye
But it's no use
Can't be with or without you!
Oh oh

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should've known better than trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together, you'd think that by now I'd know
'Cause here we go go go again, 'gain

And again
(And again)
And again
(And again)
And again!

I threw all of your stuff away
And I cleared you out of my head
And I tore you out of my heart
Oh oh, oh oh

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should've known better than trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together, you'd think that by now I'd know
'Cause here we go go

Here we go again
Here we go again!
Should've known better than trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again

Again
And again
And again
And again

Here I Go Again
Yes here we go again. I am once again on a kick of clearing you out of my life. Ridding my mind of everything that reminds me of you and the pain you have put into my life. I have spent all morning throwing away all evidence of you. I want to get it right this time, because I don't want you to return. It is time to tell everyone, everyone who has told me that my life would be better without you.

I immediately grab my phone so I can send a mass text.

We r over...for real this time.

Chills creep through my veins, because I know I have told them this many times. I sit with my phone clenched in my hands for five minutes before it vibrates with a response.

R u goin' 2 stick 2 it this time? Sure u won't go back @ 1st chance u get?

My heart speeds up because I know they are right. Every time you weasel your way back into my sight, I break down and let you back into my life, even though I swear it will never happen. Making me realize that I should have known better then trying to let you go.

My phone vibrates again:

I support ur decision 100%, but u haveta stay above it this time. Don't let it creep back under ur skin again, plez don't go back.

Tears are in my eyes and your taste is in my mouth. I have begun to crave you only after twenty minutes of ridding my life of you. I spring off the couch and begin digging through my dresser drawers. Ripping them apart fist by fist, making shirts, shorts, and socks go flying through the air. Finally, the box is in my hand...the box that will satisfy my craving. I tear open the box like a madman, completely demolishing it. As soon as I can feel it in my hand, my phone vibrates again, distracting me momentarily.

Ru ok?

Stopping in my tracks I run to the kitchen sink and turn on the water. I wash you down the drain and then choke you with the garbage disposal. I form a puddle on the floor as I cry you away. Frozen, I lay on the rug, my mouth dry from the sobs and my limbs shaking from withdrawal of you. I know that I should bid you farewell, because of the way you dictate my life. I am not happy with you...or without you.

My siezer becomes so violent that my brain becomes paralyzed with your memories. My brain can smell you, see you, and taste you. Another buzz awakes me from this siezer.

I bet this will be like all the other times...

There it is. My 'okay' to jump back into it again. Reassurrng my hint of doubt, making it seem fine for me to go back again, and again, and again, and again....

Your story was dramatic and captivating but at times it felt too dramatic. The simple, but accurate, text messages made the character appear naive. The shallow nature of texting contributed to the overall lack of depth, however their is clearly a good story here. I suggest you ditch the overrated teenage phone drama and focus on the characters feelings.

Hey there!

I agree with the reviewer above in that we don't know anything about the MC or the guy that she's just split up with. All we know is that she splits up with him, only to go back back to him when the chance arises. This being true, I'm left feeling dissatisfied. I want to know why they broke up. Why she wants him back. I know the whole point of this contest is to not write anything romance related, but you could always write about her insecurities. She appears to be a naive, dependent character, so why not write about how she feels alone without him. How she feels scared, lonely and fragile. Make the reader feel sorry for her, rather than making them read her story without any background information about any of the characters to help ease the exploration of the plot. It's hard to get a handle on a story when we've got nothing to grip.

That aside, I do think you have the makings of a good story here. Just write more of the character's feelings and add in some more background. How long they'd known eachother, etc.

before it vibrated with a response

'vibrated' needs to be 'vibrates' as your story is written in present tense.

Every time you weezel your

'weasel'

Ripping them apart fist by fist making shirts

Comma before 'making'

Frozen I lay on the

Comma after 'Frozen'

Finally, the box is in my hand...the box that will satisfy my craving.

I want to know what this box is.

I wash you down the drain and then choke you with the garbage disposal.

I'm not quite sure what's going on here. Is she getting rid of the box you mentioned before?

This story has potential, but you need to add more background information before the reader is able to truly care about the MC and the situation she's in.

Good luck!

xDudettex

Everyone,

Thanks for your reviews, but this story isn't about a break up...it is about an addiction. I will fix my spelling mistakes that were caught.

If you could give me the link to whatever you want reviewed that would be helpful!

-Jessa

heey jessa!!!
this is going to be pretty short cause I have to go to bed!
But I want to say that I like this write! It totally makes you feel how that person is feeling.
Maybe some things are a little too dramatic yeah, but I wouldn't really know because I've never been in such a position.
Since the others already took care of the criticism, I'm just going to keep it at this.
I'm sorry if this wasn't much help
But I enjoyed reading this!
-qaralynn- *huggles*