Goodbye, my love.

Spoiler

Uh. Warning: This poem contains clichés. I would even say maybe it's the "cliché'est" poem I've ever written. Even the title is a cliché. I just had a serious issue of writer’s block and had to get rid of it by writing something. Please don’t scream—I know it’s bad but tear it up in silence. Thank you.

Hey! I came to say goodbye!
That’s what I had rehearsed.
Instead, you opened the door
And I collapsed onto you.

You had your arms around me,
And my tears on your chest,
And some stains of mascara. Sorry.
But you said nothing.

You waited for me,
You waited for those last tears to come out,
You waited for me to say:
I’m alright. You’re the greatest.

But no words slipped out.
They couldn’t anyway,
Since they were sealed with your kiss.
Our very last embrace.

The last time our lips would touch,
The last time you looked into my eyes,
The last time you held me close.
The last time I had to say goodbye.

It is a very good poem. I liked it a lot. I'm not a good poet, so I'm not really a good judge on poetry, but this is very good in my eyes. Keep writing!

This may have been full of clichés, but I liked it just the same. The italics gave it a light hearted feel, while the message you were trying to get across (If there was one) was still sad. The only thing that threw me off was that you would rhyme, or try to rhyme in some places, but in others you didn't. I get that you were escaping writer's block but still, that seemed off to me. Anyways, all in all I thought it was a good poem. Either way, I liked it.

I liked the feel and theme of the poem, although I felt it could use more depth. Certain parts of it fell flat.... nearing the end. Other than that, I thought your poem was well put together, and insightful to read.

I liked it! It gave me a very depressed feeling, which I think that's what you were going for. It was short, though. It would have been nice if you could drag it out just a little bit. But, other than that it was perfect! Keep writing!

Aww!! Screw it, sometimes you need something cliche!

This was a heart-wrenching poem, and I'm tearing up right now.

I like that you italicized the thinking parts. It helps the reader know what isn't part of the narrative, and I've seen many people leave that out.

So, I'm trying to think of something to say to help you make it better, but I really can't. I'm a hopeless romantic, and this totally played on my heart-strings. I'm glad that you wrote this, and I'm very glad that I stumbled across it.

Oh, and I just now found something. I suggest that, after the third line, you insert a comma, so that, instead of

Instead, you opened the door

you have

Instead, you opened the door,

Just a thought.

I don't think I have anything else to add, now, though. So, I guess this is goodbye, for now.

I really hope that I can see some more of your writing sometime.

PLEASE keep up the good work!

Yours truly,
Pyro

Its a very good poem.Touched me really. Keep going!