The Mortal Door

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Preface:
It is almost certain that all Earth mortals believe that they are special. That in someway, somehow they are different from everybody else. Normally you see their talents when their young. Look around, you might find a young boy with a towel safety-pinned to his neck, or a little girl playing doctor on her stuffed bear. Everyone knows that they're special... except me. June Du'Bois, the one person in all of Earth that has nothing special about them, nothing.
Well, that's what I thought, that's what I was certain of.
Until things changed, and not in a good way. I discovered the ugly truth. I was more important than I would ever wish to be. And now, as the old man with the long grey beard and crooked smile, saunters up to begin my slow and painful death... I really wish that I could be nothing again. Earth mortals created the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished." for a reason, and soon you shall see why. But, I shall explain this to you with great caution. For, if I tell you too much, the man, who is about to kill me, shall be after you next. Then, soon after...
Your planet.

Chapter one

When I was little I was never used to having many nightmares. But, now these days they feel like a second nature to me. But, one night, in late May, I had a dream that still horrifies me to this day. It was the night my life changed, and the night that I began my long, agonizing journey.
I dreamed that I was in a large forest. It was cold, dark, and made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I tensed as I became more and more aware of my surroundings. However, the strangest thing was that there was no noise. No crickets, birds, nothing which was giving me a bad feeling about these "woods."
I had figured out that I was dreaming for three reasons. First, I was standing in snow. It was May- unless global warming had decided to end the world soon- May equaled no snow. Second, I had somehow developed nocturnal vision. Although there was a full moon out, it wasn’t nearly enough to let me be able to see even the tiniest tree twig.
And my third reason: I was not alone; an old man stood about three feet away from me. He wore a black robe and held dark wooden staff with a purple, black jewel twisted inside the oak work. I inferred it was supposed to be magical because he threatened to use it. He had short, black hair and a giant scar engraved into his face. His dark, black eyes glared at me with pure hatred, baring his teeth at me. My first thought was simply: “okay I probably had too many of Uncle Tom’s tacos last night.” since I had nine of them for dinner. But, somehow, the entire experience felt so real. I could feel the cold snow, smell the winter air, and, worst of all, I could sense the old man’s anger. Before I could say a thing, I stiffened and mimicked his glare. It was an old impulse that felt familiar, but I had no idea where it came from.
“Speak your claims.” I ordered, bravely. “Or I shall send you to the underworld.”
His expression changed. It changed from anger to certainty. He tossed his staff back-and-forth between his hands as if he were deciding how to kill me.
“Thou dares challenge me?” he chided. “Thou art nothing but a mere mortal. Or, am I mistaken, little fillia?” Part of me wanted to scream that he was right. But, another part of me wanted to curl into a ball and suck my thumb for an hour or two. His glare seem to seep deep into my soul. But, I held my ground, and hardened my stare.
“Leave now,” I growled. “And never come back, Causa Mortis!” I didn’t know where that name came from, but it made the man’s eyes bugg. Then his face darkened with hatred.
“Te! Napoti luna!” He chanted, as if in a trance. “Ut cum spiritu ornimenta addent ad ianuam necem!”
“Um… What?” I asked.
“Some day, thou shall see.” then he began to cackle, but it sounded like it was a million miles away...
“JUNE! YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL AGAIN!” Called Rosalyn from below. My eyes popped open and the sun beamed in my face as a consequence for awakening. I rolled from the light not wanting to get up. “JUNE! NOW!” she sounded closer. I climbed out bed slowly, and got dressed. I dragged myself toward the door, and I stumbled down the narrow steps. I went into the kitchen, found the fridge, opened the door and grabbed the first thing my hands touched. Bread. Guess I’m having toast, I sighed in my head. I pulled out two slices of bread, and jammed them in the toaster. I slummed down in my chair in front of my dad, who was silently reading his news paper, drinking his coffee, black as usual.
My dad was like any other man, tall, short brown hair, and dark green eyes. Just then, my little brother bounded in the kitchen looking happier than ever (which probably meant he pulled some prank on me, again). Rosalyn came in soon after smiling at him. Her eyes wondered to me, and she remembered my existence
“You’re going to miss the bus again if you don’t hurry up.” She said looking up from her glasses likes a librarian. Truth to be told I had never missed the bus, but I didn’t want today to be the first. I grabbed my bag and when out the door just as the bus was rolling up. I grabbed the first empty seat and slumped in the wax-y smelling leather. I kept thinking of that dream I had, the more I thought about it the more questions stared forming in my head. Who was that man? What did he want from me? What was those words he babbled at me? Et cetera, et cetera. I kept trying to find a logical answer but I kept finding another dead end. The only conclusion I could come up with was that he was a mad man. i dreamed about a mad man. Then just as the bus was rolling away I saw something at the corner of my eye. I turned to see dad in his lab coat waving his arms at me. At first I thought he was trying to embarrass me but then it clicked in my head. My pill, I forgot it didn’t I? My father never told me what my “pill” was for just that it was supposed to help me with my “problem” whatever that was. That actually wasn’t the only mystery about my father, he also never told me what his job was other than a “scientist” so I didn’t know what to expect today. But what was going to happen today was going to change my life forever. Today, the one day I forget my stupid pill.
There once was a women named Kent,
Whose nose was rather quite bent.
One day I suppose,
She followed her nose,
And nobody knows where she went.
-Unknown




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Let me just say, I really enjoyed the preface. It pulled me in from the start! (:
Though for some reason I got detached somewhat from the dream. It's a tad mind-boggling. Other than that, it was quite a read.




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Excellent preface! I loved the intro. Very nicely done and lures people right in! Nice for a laugh, and good use of foreshadowing. I really liked the attitude of this character. This character reminds me of Percy Jackson.

Brace yourself for grammar nit-picking time....:)
In the preface, the "when their young...." the "their" should be "they're"
"June Du'Bois, the one person in all of Earth that has nothing special about them, nothing." would be better as "June Du'Bois.....that has nothing special about her, nothing." the one person should get a singular pronoun. But grammar isn't everything in writing. It's the content, and the content is pretty good so far.

And in the dream, I could follow it, it's just that where did all those words come from when she spoke to the wizard? Was it something wrested from her throat? An instinct that was the right thing to say? And afterwards, on the bus, why did she think of what the man wanted from her? It might be better if she had been thinking "oh, it's just a dream, pshaw....whatever. This dude can't hurt me..." June shouldn't accept this dream as reality right away.

Other than these little things, you're golden! Keep writing!
"Which came first? The Phoenix or the flame?"

-H.P. Deathly Hallows




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The Preface was amazing! It left that mysterious feeling that makes people continue reading, but I must say that the first chapter wasn't that good. The dream was detailed, but the dialogue between June and the old wizard was confusing and didn't game me that expectation that I guess you were trying to achieve. I think you must have give at least a clue of what was the dialogue's purpose. Otherwise, as phoenixwriter stated, her attitude toward the dream in real life should have been of negation and indifference.
The conclusion and the phrase of "Today, the one day I forget my stupid pill." was great! It left me waiting for the next chapter.




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I loved your intro but Liked it all the dream kinda confused me but i liked it.
! Time to Write !




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IT WAS NICE!!!

but, the later part didn't much take my interest anymore.... So I guess... Well, make sure you vividly describe other things which revolves in the story....


The dream part, looked rather confusing....

But overall it's fine. :)
wrotalistic




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Very interesting plot, it sounded very cool. i only had a few issues:
1. When the old man is using 'thou' to address the girl. i know you wanted him to sound as if he was medival. But they really did not use thou that often.
2.We, the reader, do not want to listen to how unspectacular your character is, especially before we even get to know her. Mention her plainness once, and then stop, or the reader will lose interest
3. Go through and read your story. Each sentence is a work of art, make it seem that way. Do not go 'It was a dark nigt, in May, when, it all happened.' Your sentences must flow or the reader will be jolted back to reality.
Hope this helped!
“Omnia mutantur, nihil interit (everything changes, nothing perishes).”
― Ovid, Metamorphoses



Poetry is my cheap means of transportation. By the end of the poem the reader should be in a different place from where he started. I would like him to be slightly disoriented at the end, like I drove him outside of town at night and dropped him off in a cornfield.
— Billy Collins