Coming back home was a huge relief. I instantly went to my bedroom and laid face down. The whole entire school day was full of stares and it made me feel very uncomfortable. Not wanting to go through it in lunch, I skipped and went to hang around in the library instead. There I picked up a conversation that explained this stalkish fever that eveyone managed to catch.
"Did you hear about that Matthews chick?"
"Yeah, turns out she's Tyler Mark's sister"
Tyler was the famous brother I often got letters from. Yet even through all the pictures and letters I still didn't feel as if I knew who he truly was. I never met him. I knew I probably never will.
"But I thought the Marks only had one child"
"Well they're like half siblings. I heard the other day she confronted these guys"
"Another town heroine" the person than scoffed " Like we need another one"
Then the conversation just stopped right there and switched to another one about the upcoming semi-formal.
What was so big about my older brother? He attended Prescott Academy but that's all I knew. I let out a big sigh because I knew that tomorrow I was bound to experience the same thing. I was just a new girl here and here I was, the hot topic of the entire student population. I wasn't the one who loved popularity. I was used to blending it yet being independant. Why couldn't they just let me be? It was only my first day here.
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Over the next few weeks I was going through a daily routine. I stayed in the back of the classroom, giving myself a slim chance of ever being called on for an answer. Everything I did was in solitude. This concerned my teachers.
"You know you're grades are also based on your participation" they all warned
All my teachers were wonderful. It always seemed like teachers truly don't care but they do. Or they could be trying to protect the reputation of this school. Whatever reason it was I finally realized that this was also related to my brother. I was walking in his shadow and I was just hiding in it.
"I cannot accept failure" my english teacher, Ms. Olive, told me after class one day "Your papers show me some one who can speak. And that's what I want you to do. Speak"
I almost broke down in tears when she told me. How I wish I could speak. And I got the same speech several times after that. My history teacher Mr.Lincoln told me about the debate team.
"When I give you guys those prompts of what's your opinion on whatever topic, you're opinion looks close to fact. Our school needs some persuasive people like you so I recommend the debate team. I see many trophies in your future and a scholarship"
Ms.Olive and Mr.Lincoln were my main sources of motivation.
It didn't feel right being constantly watched. I was dying for a companion to vent to. These first weeks of my sophomore year had to be not the only the most horrible but the most annoying. People were treating me like a disease and for what reason......my brother. How us humans could be so confusing.
Finally I decided that I wasn't going to keep being quiet among complete strangers. I had to finally come out and show them that Jay Matthews was a human just like them and they had no right to treat me like an outcast. I finally appeared in lunch.
OK, just try to find a table and act natural I advised myself
I found a seat in the middle of the cafeteira. This was a mistake. I was exposed to everyone in the whole cafeteira.
I really have to get out of here
I managed to eat my lunch and then I made my way to the bathroom. They're eyes followed me as I made my way to the exit a little too fast. They knew I was well aware they were watching me. What were they waiting for?
I didn't use the bathroom and gave myself a quick look in the mirror. There was nothing wrong with me......there wasn't anything that stood out for people to make a big deal out of. Taking my attention away from the mirror I heard soft sobs. I looked under each stall and at the last stall I discovered some drawn on Converses. When I knocked on the stall the sobbing immediately stopped. I was about to ask her if she was okay but then I heard some girls approaching.
I seriously do not want to be stared at
I hid in the neighboring stall and listened on to the girls' conversations. Standing up on the toilet I then looked to see who it was. Looking at the mirror fixing her make up was this girl with clear white skin, exotic green eyes, and long black hair. I knew who she was. Her name was Kathleen. If we still lived in the time when the feudal system made up our lives Kathleen would be on the top. She would be the wife of the Emperors.....the Princess of any king, or enjoying her life with her father who was either a noble or part of the clergy . Kathleen seemed to have it all. I doubted this one hundred percent.
" Heard that Matthews girl turns a lot of heads" one of her followers said
Kathleen just shrugged as if it was no big deal.
"She could be a great addition to our group" the friend chimed
"Possibly" her leader replied nonchalantly " But I heard she stood up to some guys several weeks ago. I don't accept girls who cause trouble"
Now they crossed the line. I wasn't going to tolerate being falsely accused.
"I believe what I did was right" I said, coming out of the stall
"If you say so " Kat said " Those guys were minding their own business and you just happened to butt in"
"You weren't even there" I said trying not to sound so angry. I needed to relax
She looked directly at me. "See what I mean girls. Troublemaker. She's already trying to fight me"
I chuckled. she's obviously full of herself
"Believe what you think. I doubt there's a source of your thinking anyways so maybe thats how my actions are not getting to you. "
She kept staring at me with that cold stare of hers. She obviously had no come back. She turned on her heel and walked away with her groupies following behind her like little ants.
"You shouldn't have done that" a small voice said
Out came a girl with long black curls and very light blue eyes. Her beauty was breathtaking. But why was she crying?
"Why?" I asked
"You're asking for a fight'' she said without looking at me. Her voice sounded distant as if she was talking to me from a completely other room
Before I could say anything else she ran out of the bathroom and then she was gone. After the conversation it was if I hadn't talked to a girl at all. I let out a big sigh....one of hundreds and walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway. I watched as everybody talked with their friends with smiles on their faces while here I was, standing all alone with a fake identity plastered over my forehead. Who was I? How did all of a sudden these people suddenly decided what social status I fit in? I didn't want a label anyways. I guess I was to remain undefined. I liked the sound of it. Jay Matthews: undefined.
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My mother seemed to get concerned about my poor social life here. She often tried to talk to me about it but I scoooted her away with a "I'm just busy that's all"
I was better off alone. Making friends with anyone at this new school never crossed my mind after the first day. To me they were all judgemental and fake. I was angry at the world these past few weeks. My mom could not ignore my behavior any longer. She dragged me out of bed, demanded me to get dressed in my best, and to eat a big breakfeast. It was Sunday.
The church was full of joyous voices as they shouted praises and danced for their Lord. My mom found a seat in the middle of the church and I watched her as she clapped her hands and sang her heart out. When prayers came she was close to tears as she let the words came out like a waterfall. It just came down with so much force that I found the urge to pray. But what could I possibly pray for? I tried thinking about this but I was too late. Soon the sermon was given and after that the last prayer was said and church was done.
"How do you feel?" my mother asked during the ride home
I shrugged but I knew I felt different. I felt like doing something but I wasn't too sure what it was.
The next day when going to school I decided to change my attitude around these people. If these people wanted to be my enemies they could happily be them but I wasn't going to let them put me down. I sat in the front seat, I answered the questions of the teachers ignoring my spectators and I sat in the middle of the cafeteira and stayed the whole entire time. Upon leaving for school I spotted the girl that I saw in the bathroom. She looked sad standing there alone so I walked to her.
"Hi" I said
She seemed surprised at my greeting but she lifted her hand and waved
"I didn't get your name earlier" I said
"It's Skye" she said "I know who you are"
"I wouldn't be surprised"
She gave me a dry laugh
"What?" I said
"It's nothing. New girl here and you're already the most popular. So I kind of find it confusing of why you're talking to me"
"Popular? Everybody is staring at me making me feel like I'm some type of disease and I'm talking to you because I just feel like it"
"Or maybe it's because it seems like I'm the only person who will talk to you and yet I wouldn't look I'm judging you at the same time" This was true. My silence verified it. " You're not an outcast. They're testing you. The more you keep quiet the more they will keep on doing this. If you want things to get better around here start talking. You've been keeping quiet for too long. "
"Okay" I said taking in her advice
"Well I guess it was good talking to you" she said with a chuckle after that and soon her ride drove up. She got in and then put down the window "It will probably be the last"
I just read this and chapter one of your story. Here is what I'm thinking: