You Can Run, But You Can't Hide.

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Everything was black and white and the only color came from the red and green sweater of Freddy Krueger.

I heard me mom scream in the distance but when I tried to turn around toward the direction of the noise I found out my head wouldn’t turn. I noticed I was running and I heard someone panting and gasping for breath beside me, scared, I tried to run faster, but I couldn’t. I wanted to turn around, but I couldn’t.

Everything was in slow motion (like probably every little kids nightmare)

And then I heard a scream. Right away I knew it was my mom. Tears ran down my face and I realized I could not afford to blur my vision with tears.
Finally my head started to move, but slowly. I saw my mom lying on the floor and I stopped. A pool of blood lay around her and I didn’t know what to feel. Fear? Or sorrow? Fear kept me going, so I panicked.
I heard my sister screaming at me, begging me to run and never stop. I saw her, and Freddy Krueger was right behind her. I tried to scream, warn her, but my voice wouldn’t work
I could only open and close my mouth like a gaping fish struggling to breathe. I knew I had to run so I did. Slowly at first and faster with each step I took. Until I heard him whisper in my ear,

"Your not going to make it..."

The tears came again and I couldn’t stop them this time, I was afraid, not for my life, but for my family, my mom was dead, and who knows where the others were, I couldn’t think straight, all I knew was that my mother was dead and I had to get out of there.
I didn’t know where to go, so I just ran, hopefully I would reach a safe place, and then I heard my sister scream. And I knew it was over for her.
Now it was only me brother my dad and me.
What was I going to do? Were they even alive?? Just because I didn’t hear them didn’t mean they were alive...
I noticed I had ended up back to where I had started. I was staring at my house. my home. but I knew it was no longer as I saw my fathers cold dead body lying on the floor in front of me. And I knew it was over.
I was going to die.
I hadn’t even seen my brother... I hadn’t even said my goodbyes, but just like that they were taken away from me.
When I turned around I saw him behind me, Freddy Krueger. And I knew I was going to die. But right when he lifted his hand, his blades, I woke up.
I cried, and cried, and cried till I could cry no more.
And when I was done I got up and checked everyone’s room.
But when I opened every room I found them empty.
The atmosphere grew cold and a shiver ran down my spine.
I turned around to a screeching sound and there he was.
“I told you you weren’t gonna make it… I told you…” He whispered, and as I saw his grinning, melted face, staring at me with those cold dead eyes. I knew it was over.
I took in some air to scream my final scream, but my intake of breath was cut short as he slit my throat and splattered my blood all over the walls, evidence that I was murdered.
But I knew. I knew that tomorrow when my neighbors came to give us our mail that there would be no evidence. My blood would not be on the walls. No body would be on the floor. There would be no trace of my existence, and everyone would go back to their lives, not giving a second thought to the Benitez family.




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Points 2050
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hmm, you have a story here.

I liked that it was fast, but I'm not sure if that's intentional or just poor grammar. I'm assuming this main character is a child, and to me it came across as a story written by a child.

I have to say I'm not a big fan of fan-fiction. However, I'm a big fan of Freddy Krueger. I would've liked a Freddy Krueger joke in this story.

I thought the introduction of Freddy Krueger came either too quick or was too descriptional, I think it would've been better if you had just described the sweater, and later on drop the name of Freddy Krueger, that way the reader is still in for surprises, the climax lost its edge because I already knew what was going to happen.

I would like to read a second part of this story. Also about Freddy Krueger, maybe other characters (since SPOILER these characters all died). ;)
This could very well be the push that makes you move




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Points 1374
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I think that this could get somewhere. I just think it was WAY too fast. You should deepen and 'explode' each moment even if it is still supposed to be a short story. The villain was introduced to quickly as well so that could have waited a little longer. Also I think the end was a little too abrupt. PM me if you don't understand what it means to explode a moment, and i can explain further. Other than all of this, I definitely believe you have a great start to a great story! Keep writing! :)
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ~ Anton Chekhov



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