Removed.

Removed.

Wow, this is different, I've never seen a novel like this. Are you planning on making it like this for ever on? Or is this just showing the characters that make up the story? Even though it is a good idea I don't think I really got much out of it. Is the story about difference and change? I am still not exactly sure. I think that you need to try and be more concise. I know that prologues are always supposed to feel a little airy but this is just a little to much.

I think that sticking with one MC for the prologue would be a good idea. At least then you can explain where the story is taking place, what time era and who all these people are. My english teacher always says that the first few sentences should tell you who the main character is and all those other important details, but also what the story is going to be about. I am afraid you've only done a little bit of this and it's not enough for me to be sure what's happening.

Maybe you're planning to do that in the first chapter, which I definitely suggest, but as of now I am very confused. Still, I like your writing style, it's very neat and straight forward. Sorry for being a dud, I don't like placing forward negatives. I really want to continue on reading. I think all your characters bring something interesting to the table. Because there isn't much written my review is a little small but I think I have raised some pointers that can get you started. I should mention also that I don't do grammar/spelling reviews anymore because I feel they don't teach the reader how to write. There are some forums on this site though that could definitely help you on your way.

Please, tell me when the first chapter is up, I'm definitely eager to read it. Good luck!

This is a really cool idea for the prolouge. It draws me into the story. The grammar is perfect and the sentences flow really nicely. I think you'll go very far with this story! Keep writing!

I've always been a fan of those 'outside the box" writing styles, and this one certainly is unique.

Just one thing I want to look at.

Marco:

They say I’m the bad seed in the bunch and rebel, but what do they really know? People, human kind, is always assuming with assumptions. My motto for life: “The wild side is the only real side.”

This is a little bit weird, but if your character is weird and your using this to point that out then that's okay. It also makes him seam a little younger. when you say rebel, it isn't exactly clear that he's the one rebelling, which is slightly grammatically incorrect. He also seams to have a limited vocabulary(assuming and assumptions), which again makes he seams like a younger person. I'd put him at around ten. Since I have no idea how old he is supposed to be, I don't know if it's accurate or not, but if it isn't then you might want to tweak it all little bit.
Don't get me wrong though I love all their unique voices, you just want these voices to match their characters.
This is a promising start. You've told your readers a lot without really giving anything away. I can't wait to see what comes next.

Apple wrote:Wow, this is different, I've never seen a novel like this. Are you planning on making it like this for ever on? Or is this just showing the characters that make up the story? Even though it is a good idea I don't think I really got much out of it. Is the story about difference and change? I am still not exactly sure. I think that you need to try and be more concise. I know that prologues are always supposed to feel a little airy but this is just a little to much.

I think that sticking with one MC for the prologue would be a good idea. At least then you can explain where the story is taking place, what time era and who all these people are. My english teacher always says that the first few sentences should tell you who the main character is and all those other important details, but also what the story is going to be about. I am afraid you've only done a little bit of this and it's not enough for me to be sure what's happening.

Maybe you're planning to do that in the first chapter, which I definitely suggest, but as of now I am very confused. Still, I like your writing style, it's very neat and straight forward. Sorry for being a dud, I don't like placing forward negatives. I really want to continue on reading. I think all your characters bring something interesting to the table. Because there isn't much written my review is a little small but I think I have raised some pointers that can get you started. I should mention also that I don't do grammar/spelling reviews anymore because I feel they don't teach the reader how to write. There are some forums on this site though that could definitely help you on your way.

Please, tell me when the first chapter is up, I'm definitely eager to read it. Good luck!

Yeah, I realized that it doesn't tell much, I kind of intended that, but I want there to be some information but not much. I know that sounds confusing, but this helped me a lot. For the actual novel itself I planned on telling it from three points of views which is from the first three characters. Would that be to much? It's just what I would prefer because there are some things the reader has to know and if it is only one POV it would be confusing, and I really prefer writing in first person.

Thank you all for help I will revise this!

Interesting how you got all these differant characters. I guess I should get started reading your actual story.

killkrusha69 wrote:1 6:03 am

Interesting how you got all these differant characters. I guess I should get started reading your actual story.

Hmm I think you should*wink*

Sounds interesting... But why's it grouped in the novel I was writing? I guess you just got confused or something. We should ask the administrators about this, since we both came up with the same name for two different novels. We can probably convince them to find a way to make them both have the same name. Or I could just change the name of mine to "Alternate" if that doesn't work out. Just thought you may want to know. Have a good day!