Blissful Escape

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Gender Male
Points 940
Reviews 21
The icy sky of frozen contemplation lingered overhead
As the sands of time reversed their downward journey.
The horizon developed clouds of threatening violence,
And I, I just sat there,
Trapped within the cells of loitering thought,
Peering through the bars of taunting freedom,
Of derisive impossibility.
Thunder sounded with screams from deep within,
Though from the fringes of reality.
Lightning illuminated the chains,
The rapidly growing vines of ineluctibility.
Memories blew by with the chilling winds of yesterday,
Incomprehensible.

A tree of lone independence stood atop that hill, ripening with senescent discovery.
The laughter of children whose souls lay forgotten beneath reverberated through the dying air.
Efforts of a single ontogeny,
Inadequate,
Unable to sustain.
Leaves go limp and fade into brown resignation,
A terminal capitulation.
The sun overhead laughed as the earth wept tears of defeat,
Finally fading into itself.

Thrashing,
Violently attempting liberation.
Ears ringing with the cries of the dead amongst me,
The friends called "hope" and "dreams" which were unable to be salvaged.
Pitter- patter of tears against the cool, stone floor,
Hoping to drown in the manifestation of sorrow to escape a perpetual imprisonment.
Sharp slices to the wrists, loosening of the chains,
Just wide enough to slide limbs through.
Uplifting ease,
Drifting off under the cool, winter rain,
Floating freely among the remnants of long ago.
Finally,
Escaping the pieces you left at my door.
Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller




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Gender Female
Points 1369
Reviews 23
Oh freaking wow.
That is breathtaking. It really is.

Confusing, yet leaves you in awe. The description was just brilliant. I love how in the first stanza, fourth line you put, "And I, I just sat there." I really like that. I love it all, really! The ending, "Escaping the pieces you left at my door." That caught me off-guard. I was NOT expecting that at all. XD

The only thing I have for you today is the form. Possibly, you could clean it up a bit. Like, split the longer phrases are sentences in half. For example:

"The icy sky of frozen
contemplation lingered overhead"

That's pretty much all I've got for you! Keep it up, sir!




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Gender Female
Points 1711
Reviews 103
Good poem, if a little long and drawn-out. It got too emo-ish towards the end for me, but it had some powerful images and very interesting themes throughout. It felt a little like a Bon Iver song to me (if you know who that is, we can be friends), because it was difficult to understand, yet quite beautiful to read. Keep writing, I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.
To be human.




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Gender Female
Points 1028
Reviews 20
Oh, this is fantastic! Absolutely breathtaking and awe-inspiring. Your vocabulary and imagery is just brilliant!
Keep up the fantastic work!
Well done!
'You've gotta sing sometimes, like you don't need the money,
Love sometimes, like you'll never get hurt,
You've got to dance, dance, dance, like there's nobody watching,
It's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.'
Adam Brand, Come From The Heart



I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25