Lies.

Three people are innocent
and you are guilty.
But to you,
we're the ones to blame.
You make us feel your lies
as deep as possble.
You start them,
then you continue to make them grow.
Almost as if,
you are weaving a web.
A web that you keep hidden.
Until your loquacious personality
takes control.
You let it slip,
not through your voice
but that of another.
Because one isn't enough
to please you;
it takes three.
Once again,
your lies cut.
And it is harsher
than any pain
I've ever endured.
Your lies
are all I have left
to remember you by.
The hand holding
the exuburent kisses
the sweet and loving hugs
are never again to be.
Only because
you were ever so unpleased.
With one,
you needed three.
So now you've lost
the two that know.
Your sadistic lies
have overcome you.
You are no longer
the one I grew to love.
You are
and will forever be
lies.

Loved it! It spoke so deep to me.

awesome, it was strong and you really connected with your audience, well done

to please you;

Once again,

than any cut

You use the word 'cut' too much (you used it in the second line above this one). See if you can find a better word....

The hand holding,
the exuberant kisses,
the sweet and loving hugs

Loved this.

The emotion was great and your flow and word structure was also! There were no other mistakes I saw other than the ones I pointed out above. *Likes*

Wonderful job

Keep writing,
Alzora

Hi there!
I really enjoyed this, but the flow was a bit choppy in places. If you go back and put some puntuation in a few places it will read a lot better. All in all, fantastic job! I loved it! Keep writing!

Hey again!

This was really great. I loved it. Found so much truth behind the words too...which is ironic since the poem is titled lies...but it describes it all exactly.

A few things though:

lexieells wrote:You make us feel your lies
as deep as possble.

I'd rally love if you went into a little more on the "deep as possible" line. How do they make us feel them deeply? A little more behind it would help support it.

lexieells wrote:You are
and will forever be to me
lies.

Maybe, and just maybe, if you took out the "to me" it would flow better. I love the last lines really! I think they are the perfect tie up! But even as I was reading them, I skipped over the "to me". Then realized I did and went back to read it. It didn't flow as nicely, but it was still great. T

These were only suggestions, mind you.
Welcome, and great poem!
-Brie

thanks so much for your support and suggestions. i consider each and every one of them. what do you guys think about the edit??

lemme knoww!!
_Lexi

I really liked this poem also.
You brought it to a whole new level with your willingness to go in more depth with the emotions. The adjectives and descriptions of the events also made this poem more appealing. You definitely brought the point across which you were trying to make, and I guess who hasn't been in your situation or even seen a situation in a lifetime kind of similar to this poem. Yes some grammar and punctuation errors did occur time and time again, but when I read a poem I don't really take notice to all that, I take notice to what the Poet is trying to convey. For some reason this poem is so different to others that I read, which isn't a bad thing don't worry! This poem was also very strong and you really connected with your audience which has been said by some other people so well done.

I love your poems so far and hopefully you will improve in the future to become a greater poet as you have lots of potential. Congratulations, it was a marvellous poem. Keep it up!

,writingaway

I really liked this poem also.
You brought it to a whole new level with your willingness to go in more depth with the emotions. The adjectives and descriptions of the events also made this poem more appealing. You definitely brought the point across which you were trying to make, and I guess who hasn't been in your situation or even seen a situation in a lifetime kind of similar to this poem. Yes some grammar and punctuation errors did occur time and time again, but when I read a poem I don't really take notice to all that, I take notice to what the Poet is trying to convey. For some reason this poem is so different to others that I read, which isn't a bad thing don't worry! This poem was also very strong and you really connected with your audience which has been said by some other people so well done.

I love your poems so far and hopefully you will improve in the future to become a greater poet as you have lots of potential. Congratulations, it was a marvellous poem. Keep it up!

,writingaway