Thank you so much for reading to the end! Any and all comments are much appreciated!
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Night Six.
I didn’t have any regrets about what I did or said to Hunter. I don’t care if I hurt him or made him upset. I don’t care about his feelings at all because he sure as hell didn’t care about mine. I continued to go to The Parlor every day. I wasn’t going to let that fucker ruin my favorite place. I didn’t see him there which made me happy.
I don’t want to speak to him; I have nothing left to say. I don’t want to see him; I want to delete him from my life.
What made it that much worse was the fact that he was so different. He knew what it was like to be cheated on. He knew what it felt like to be hurt like that. I trusted him. I let myself be vulnerable and he knew that that’s hard for me. He knew about my shitty past relationships, he knew I’m not a big fan of guys because most have screwed me over. He told me he loved me, he told me that he cared, that he would never do what those other guys did. I believed the little fucker and he went ahead and fucked me over anyway just like everyone else has. I was stupid to think he would be different. Letting myself become that vulnerable had been a mistake.
There were so many thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head. Usually when this happens I either write a song or sing about it. For some reason, I couldn’t do that this time. I was too angry, too hurt, too frustrated, too bitter. I hated Hunter with every shred of my being and no song, no words could grasp that effectively.
My goal tonight at open mic night is to simply stew. Listen to others perform and forget about Hunter. Maybe then I’ll be able to find the words to express my feelings. I have a feeling I’ll be singing about this bastard for a long time. But I don’t even want to sing about him. He doesn’t deserve that.
Estella is doing her best to be supportive. She’s been there for me through all of my other breakups and heart breaks. She knows how much I loved him and how much I cared and thought he was something different and special. She was upset about how things turned out too. She wanted him to be different for me too.
“I’m officially done with guys,” I said as the first band took the stage. “Even if they say they’re different, they all turn out the same in the end. It’s not worth my time anymore.”
“You never know Jennalee. I’m sure there’s someone worth your time out there.”
“Well I’m done looking for him.”
We were silent throughout most of the show. We occasionally commented on someone’s performance and if we thought they were any good or not. That was all of the talking though. I wasn’t in the mood for lot of discussion.
“We’ve got one more performer tonight guys,” Lewis said. “As always, after he is done playing, I’ll open the stage to any spontaneous singers. Anyone out there can get up here and sing and I’d encourage anyone to give it a try. Without further ado, please welcome Hunter Read!”
My jaw tightened. Really? Really? Estella’s mouth gaped open and she stared at me, gaging my reaction. I tried to stay as calm as possible. No need to do anything rash.
“Thank you,” He said. “This is an original song written for a girl that I really messed things up with and would like to make amends with.”
No fucking way. He has nerve.
“I think by now it’s common knowledge,
That I’m head over heals in love.
This girl is the most precious thing,
That I’ve ever had the chance to love.
So what was I thinking last week?
When I met an old flame one night?
I know you don’t want to hear sorry,
But that’s all I’ve got.
It didn’t mean anything, I tried to explain,
But you were too mad to care.
I wish I had a time machine,
So I could go back and never think,
About hurting you like I did.
You told me that you love me.
You told me you have a hard time with trust.
You gave me your all and I ruined it all,
Jennalee I love you,
Can I please have a second chance for us?
I know you don’t trust me,
You probably don’t love me.
But sweetie, I’m sorry, let me make it right.
I’ve learned from my mistakes,
Things will be so different this time around.
Jennalee I’m sorry,
That kiss meant nothing.
I don’t deserve your love or trust.
But Jennalee I love you,
I didn’t mean to hurt you.
Can I please have a second chance for us?”
That little fucker bastard. How dare he? He’s asking for a fucking second chance? He doesn’t get a second chance. I don’t give out second chances.
I stood up.
Estella put her hand on my arm, “What are you doing?”
“I have a song to sing.” I walked up to Lewis who was standing by the side of the stage. “I’d like to do a spontaneous performance.”
“Excellent! Go right ahead.”
Hunter tried to make eye contact with me as we exchanged places but I refused to look at him. He stood in the front row looking hopeful. I adjusted the keyboard in front of me.
“I wasn’t planning on singing tonight but now I have something to say. This one’s for you, you little fucker. This is 'Jar of Hearts”
Estella screamed “ow, ow!” from the audience.
“I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most
And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?”
“You don’t get to get be back Hunter, you little bastard,” I said coldly and looked him straight in the eyes.
Estella stood and started cheering. The rest of the audience followed. Almost everyone in The Parlor stood and applauded me. It was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had in my life.
I glanced back down at where Hunter had been standing. He was gone.
I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. The love and support of the people of The Parlor made me feel whole and good.
Who do you think you are, Hunter? Who do you think you are?
Think twice about fucking with me. I will not waste my time with losers and I don’t give out second chances. I choose to surround myself with positive, supportive people, not people who will bring me down and hurt me. I don’t need Hunter or anyone like him. All I need is music and The Parlor.
