The Face that I Remember

Spoiler

So I have been terribly inspired, lately, to write a poem for an upcoming occasion which has been making me terribly apprehensive. Not that I'm not excited, or anything. Merely that I'm doubtful anything good will come of it.

That being said, this is a poem I wrote for the home-coming of a dear friend (though friend I wish I wasn't, but unrequited love generally works in such ways). Merely, I wanted to get my feelings out on paper before the day should come when he arrives home. So, unrequited as my feelings are, this is a little peace of my heart, and a portion of what it contains.

So this is dedicated to Cody. Maybe, one day, I'll let him read it.

The Face that I Remember

The petal-soft lip of his, I mind
A remembrance so sultry sweet
And courteous to thy own heart
Which churns in desperation
Twisting, turning, yearning, calling
Singing in the vastness of emotion
And in such a summer, as if
In all of its delicious wonder,
I’m fain to acknowledge that face

Those eyes are calling, like pools
Undulating in absolute currents
Swirling away doubt whilst creating
And in that blissful moment, I see
Growth, change, strength, beauty
All of which I no longer grasp
A pill containing the reality I fear
Passes my lips, kills all my hope
Leaves mere memories to mourn

Sometimes I feel I see his face
Though for what reason, I could not say
The soul forgets but study it keeps
And in that desolate thought, I feel
Horrid, morbid, sullen, grotesque,
For which I have no answers for
But why is he the one I crave?
And though he seems so far away
It is his face that I remember.

Of all the faces in this world,
It is his that I remember.

I Just wanted to comment that this is such a powerful poem- I read it over and over, unable to stop. The imagery is excellent!
I especially admired the last two lines in italics- it ended the poem quite nicely. I have no nitpicks and enjoyed it from top to bottom.

Growth, change, strength, beauty
All of which I no longer grasp
A pill containing the reality I fear
Passes my lips, kills all my hope
Leaves mere memories to mourn

I really like this poem! Especially those lines. and I loved the ending lines in italics. Good job!

I hardly ever read poetry. I definitely don't review it. But today's all sorts of weird, and I figured I might as well give it a shot...

And in such a summer, as if

-You should put a comma after "And".*

Sometimes I feel I see his face

-I see what you were trying to say, but that's a questionable way of saying it. It's too odd... My advice would be to find a different word for "feel". I think the simple fact that a word is in a poem lends a sense of metaphor to it, and in this case, "I feel I see" just won't work that way.

And in that desolate thought, I feel

-Another comma after "And".*

For which I have no answers for

-The second "for" is redundant.

*These depend on whether the line before represents a complete thought (basically, if it would have a period). The mirror of these lines in the second verse seemed to be preceded by such, which is why it's not here. OrwhateverImeanttosay.

(Again, poetry isn't my thing, so feel free to ignore any of those comments.)

This was striking. Just by reading it -- never mind the spolier/dedication -- I can tell that it's personal. That's what lends such a sense of reality to it, as well as the sense that something's absent. It left me feeling as though the memories are missing something, like they've been detached from the person they are of. In turn, there was an empty space here, the product of loss and longing. Normally, I would say you should add something to fill it, but that was exactly the emotion that this poem represents. It is unresolved, but that's just what it is. *is getting carried away with explaining why this poem is perfect the way it is* Anyway, I liked the themes throughout the verses as well as their repeated structure. Nice word choice.

In other words, this was excellent. Great job.

I really do love this poem - it possesses this powerful and utterly compelling emotion which you put across in a really beautiful and developed way. It's so clear that there is a past, or memory that goes with this work. I'd say maybe work on separating it a little, so that's it's not as intimidating to read; also, even though this poem is great as it is, I'm curious as to whether or not it would be even more effective if it had some sort of rudimentary rhyme scheme. Just a suggestion though.
I look forward to reading more of your work.