Who's To Say?

Spoiler

Here's a little something I jotted down 2 days ago. Basically, this poem conveys the simple fact at how tomorrow is never guaranteed. Was in the rhyming kind of mood.

Tell someone that you love them,
That he or she lights up the world with their smile;
Because appreciation can go a long way,
So why not take the extra mile?

Learn to pardon your enemies,
Extend your hand, and call a truce;
Because only so much blood can be shed,
So why not cease meaningless abuse?

Help someone without a reason,
Don’t think about it, but rather just act;
Because you just might make someone’s day,
So why not make that possibility a fact?

Propel yourself towards the winds of change,
Make good use with the time in which you borrow;
Because the clock is all too precious,
And who’s to say you’ll still be here tomorrow?

2011 Vincent Cuccolo

Hello, I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
I apologize in advance for the pitiful and unhelpful bit of words that I am about to give you...

Learn to pardon your enemies,
Extend your hand, and call a truce;
Because only so much blood can be shed,
So why not cease meaningless abuse?

This poem is so beautiful, it almost makes me cry!
I love the message that you have here. It's refreshing to here a poem that isn't about love or sex or violence or emotions for once. This is deep, and truthful.
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, so why not make the best of today, right?
I also love the fact that you represented a revolutionary idea without sounding like a hippie. This poem felt realistic and the diction wasn't distracting, and didn't make me feel alien or uncomfortable.
Bottom Line: Wonderful Job!

Keep Writing!
-------------------
-Jojo

Hi there!
I'm Olivia, and I'm going to review your piece today!

Tell someone that you love them,
That he or she lights up the world with their smile; (There were too many syllables in this one. Try switching "he or she" to they?)
Because appreciation can go a long way, (Too many syllables here as well.)
So why not take the extra mile?

Learn to pardon your enemies, (This line's flow was pretty choppy...)
Extend your hand, and call a truce; (Love this)
Because only so much blood can be shed, (Too many syllables here, too)
So why not cease meaningless abuse? (Too many as well)

Help someone without a reason, (Ehh... One too many syllables)
Don’t think about it, but rather just act; (Too many)
Because you just might make someone’s day, (Take out the "just". It adds an unnecessary syllable)
So why not make that possibility a fact? (Too many)

Propel yourself towards the winds of change, (Too many. Take out "the")
Make good use with the time in which you borrow; (Too many)
Because the clock is all too precious, (Too many. Take out "all".)
And who’s to say you’ll still be here tomorrow? (Too many. Take out "still")

I got the message you were trying to get across, but you had too many syllables in almost the entire poem, and it didn't flow to well when I read it both out loud and in my mind. You're putting too many unnecessary words in. The statement is great how it is, but when you put it into a poem, it messes things up.

You know how rhyming poems have a certain rhythm to keep? The sense of that rhythm was lost, so it was like I was reading a choppy story that happened to rhyme here and there. This would be a great free form, but it isn't, so it's not.

I did enjoy reading the statements you made, though. It's like my life's story all put into words.

Over all, this was a great piece, but it would do a little better as free form.

~~Olivia~~

That's beautiful. Nice to see writing like this, our world needs more writing like this. =] Very nice.

Thanks everyone thus far for your honest, kind, and helpful feedback!

Ello,

I've read dome of your pieces, and while I like them, I LOVE this poem. The message, the flow and the rhyming of it, everything. By far my favorite.

Thanks so much, Amberla93!