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The plants swaying in the breeze.
The birds calling for their mates.
The trees whispering to each other.
The wind howling to himself.
The moonlight glistens on the pond.
The fish are dancing to silence.

Everyone needs a place to hide,
A place to be with themselves,
Everyone needs a place to think,
A place that they can talk to,
A place that always listens.

For me that place is right here,
Sitting in this deck chair,
This place
is home.

Mmmm...I really enjoyed the poem! It had a nice, breezy feel to it. It was well paced as well, and with a satisfying end. I must say...it was indeed well titled. I tend to always like rhyming poetry better then other forms, but this was REALLY good! I really liked how you began the poem with "Plants swaying in the breeze". It installed a feeling of uniqueness to the poem, and really enticed me to read more. Again...good job!

Hello!

I really liked the atmosphere the first stanza created. It had this sort of gentle and calming feel to it. You also wrote it in a way that it was descriptive enough, but not too descriptive. You did it in a way that you did not bore the readers with all these adjectives. But rather you chose the perfect adjectives to describe them. I really liked the frist stanza.

The first stanza is really nice, but, I'm not too sure of how it relates to the second and third one. In the second and third, stanza, it's all about finding this place that you can always come back to. A place that you can call yours. But, in the first stanza, it's got all these wonderful adjectives about plants, birds, trees and the rest. At first, I though that you were going to say that the place the first stanza was describing was where the narrator's place is. But that's not the case as it mentions on later that the narrator's place was home. So, I'm wondering where this place that's described in the first stanza fits into the scheme of things. Is it a description of the place you call home? If it is, then you need to make it more clear that it is so. If you were trying to do that, then I'd suggest copying the entire first stanza and putting it at the end. I think that if you do that, the poem will seem complete and rounded off. But if that description is not the place you call home, then, can I suggest you make it clear what that place is?

Now, I have some little nitpicks:

Nitpick one:

For me that place is right here,
Sitting in this deck chair,
That place,
Is home.

In the first line you mentioned 'right here'. So shouldn't the 'that' in the third line be changed to 'this'? Because you did say that it is here. So, technically it should be this.

Nitpick two:

The fish are dancing to silence.

You wrote 'fish' - singular. Then said 'are' - plural. So, it'd have to either be "The fishes are dancing to silence," or, "The fish is dancing to silence."
Although, I think that "The fishes dancing to silence," would fit alot better. Because that's the format you used before, describing the trees and such.

Overall, I really liked the tone and atmosphere of this poem. Just some little nitpicks to watch out for. Keep it up!

Hi, shiney1 here

I like the way the poem flowed, and it had a good bit of imagery in it. The ending was nice and smooth, and closed the poem well. The punctuation got me a bit, and a few words here and there, but it is pretty nice.

The plants swaying in the breeze,
The birds calling for their mates,
The trees whispering to each other,
The wind howling to himself,
The moonlight glistens on the pond and
The fish are dancing to silence. This stanza has lovely imagery, but all of the commas in the first four lines disrupt the flow a bit in my opinion. Maybe you could make some of those semicolons, so the pause is not realy the "anticipation" type of pause, if you get what i mean.

Everyone needs a place to hide,
A place to to be with themselves;
Everyone needs a place to think,
A place that they can to talk to,
A place that always listens.

For me that place is right here,
Sitting in this deck chair;
That place,
Is home.

So that's about it from me. Again, these are just suggestions, the rest is up to you

It's beautiful. The voice is unique, the imagery is not overdone, and the flow is wonderful. The build up is great, and the ending is rather simple, but complete. I liked that. It was a great read and made you think at the end. The poem really means something to me.

I would get rid of the "and" and put periods at the end of each line besides the last four lines. I would get rid of all your commas however.

The last four lines should be like this:
For me that place is right here,
Sitting in this deck chair.
This place (no comma)
is home. (no capitalization either.)

That's the only problem I had with it, the punctuation, the "and", and yeah. I hope that helped and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful poem!

-Nana

OK, not what I expected. But nice. It flowed well and I liked the simple word choice and rhythme. The style is very relaxed and easy to read. It seemed very cliche until the second verse when it turned into a completely different topic. I can't say I like this turn of events so suddenly. I think of poems as to be telling about one topic in detail, not a whole story. Of course, every poet is different and I respcet the new style you have created. . I just think you should split this into seperate poems and then go into greater detail with each. Or, you can add a transition line connecting the thought from the first and seond stazas together and preparing the reader for the turn of events. Sorry, time for nit-picks! (I am a very picky person. Please don't take any of this personally! I just want to help. )


"The plants swaying in the breeze.
The birds calling for their mates.
The trees whispering to each other.
The wind howling to himself.
The moonlight glistens on the pond. Sorry but this whole part makes me yawn. It's just I've heard it all before. Birds call, wind howls,etc. Try something no one has ever heard before! Make them say huh? or wow! after they read it. Like the birds squeal or the wind tap dances. Maybe not that weird. But make it your own.
The fish are dancing to silence. This is exactly what I'm talking about! It makes me pause for a second to visualize the fish trying to dance to nothing.

Everyone needs a place to hide, Slow down and add a transistion beofer you get here!
A place to be with themselves,
Everyone needs a place to think,
A place that they can talk to,
A place that always listens. Nice! The place... listening... hmmm....

For me that place is right here,
Sitting in this deck chair,
This place
is home. Capatilize this like the other lines."


OK, here you go. Hope this was helpful. Fantastic poem and keep writing!
-Cammie