Chillest Remedy

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Another project for school. I think the message may have been a tad underdeveloped, but there are some parts I like. Feel free to be harsh! :D


In common days or special times, the way may not be clear,
But now I say with many rhymes to listen and you’ll hear.
The path is right in front of you. The bread is on the table
It’s what you surely want to do. It’s something you are able.

When given tasks that make one sore, it often leads to stress,
From quoting Ravens, “Nevermore”, to reading Hermann Hesse.
With lots to do and not much time, it’s easy to feel hurried.
With homework stacked up miles high, one can’t help but worry.

There’s no need to diagnose the ending of one’s rope.
But happiness is very close, so do not give up hope.
The answer now rests in your hands, (it’s nearer than you think)
A counter to the harsh demands that lead one to the brink.

So now’s the time, without ado, my solution to your stress:
Without a trace of rest for you, the work is meaningless.
So read a book or just unwind. Your mood will soon improve.
After this, you might just find your stress has been removed.
Last edited by KyleTheGreat13 on Sat Jul 02, 2011 10:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Haha, this is great. An excellent read and I sincerely enjoyed it. Only one part is choppy, which makes the rythym go off beat.

There’s no need to diagnose the ending of one’s rope.
But happiness is very close, so do not give up hope.
The answer now rests in your hands, (it’s nearer than you think)
A counter to the harsh demands that lead(s) one to the brink.


It's quick to go back though, which is excellent. Pretty good overall, watch your spelling and word usage and keep up the great work.




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I love this! Do you want to know a secret? You seriously removed my stress with this poem! The rhythm and rhyme are just so unwinding and kept constant. Nice work!

Keep writing! :)
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams




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I love the rhyme. It really unwinded me after reading it. I love the rhyme scheme and it reminded me of Poe's rhymes. That made me happy since I barely see that rhyme and the fact that it flowed well with it.

However, I think that the ending makes it feel a bit incomplete. I would add more of a definite ending to it. There was no big bang that let me know that it was finished. I wouldn't elaborate. Just one or two more lines will do it. Or just edit the pre existing lines.

Anyway, it's very enjoyable and a nice read. Ciao.

-Nana
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.



Life is about losing everything.
— Isabel Allende