You Found Me

Hi guys. As you may probably know (if you actually know me, Lol) I'm a strong Christian. xD And well, I had a dream with this Main Character and random stranger o.0 a couple nights ago. I found pretty interesting, so I thought it'd be a good idea to write down, and I did. So here it goes...


I wandered around an empty land.

No light. No floor. No sky. Nowhere to rest. Nowhere to stand. No purpose for life, or anything at all. It was just sequences, figures and numbers, hypotheses, conclusions and microscopes.

"What can't be seen, won't be believed," I heard. I was between them all, observing, but I couldn't understand their reasons, nothing made sense. They said there's not such a thing as 'wrong or right'. I could see no light.

"This isn't my place," I repeated out loud. Am I part of the improvement or am I part of the destruction? I wondered.

I tried explaining that sometimes what you want is not what you need, and that sometimes what you need turns out to be what you really want... what you least expected.

I was floating on the air. I wasn't flying, I felt stuck. I was wanting something more, but I was looking it in the wrong place. Craving for the most worn out word in the world: Love. But I wondered if the feeling was worn out as well. Or maybe it's just... extinct, I thought.

Where was it possible to find love on this planet, when the constant fight between us humans is part of our daily basis? War. Murders. Lies. Betrayals. Thefts. Where could I find a rest? Peace?

Barefoot. Tired. Hopeless. "But not helpless, nor alone," I heard a deep voice say, it was soft and sweet. Still, I was afraid. My tummy experienced an earthquake because of the nervousness. I searched the room with my eyes, and I could still hear the echo, "I love you, love me as well. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I trembled with fear.

"Ignore that!" I said to myself as I closed my eyes. I took the iPod out of my pocket and put my earphones on. The lyrics repeated what I mentioned before, darkness. No light: No hope, no love, no faith, no peace. That was all I'd ever known.

Suddenly I started feeling weak, I was about to faint when someone embraced his arms around me. I could finally breathe. He took the iPod on his hands and click stop, I just let Him this time. Something inside of me told me to follow Him, 'cause everything was going to be alright. And He carried me.

Sitting on his lap, I looked up at him and He looked back at me with love, the sweetest and most indescribable eyes, "Do not fear, I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God." My soul finally found rest... in Him.

He skipped the song and showed me a new one, this one talked about everything I was looking for, everything I truly need. "Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life," it explained. I finally felt it, and it was real: Joy!

He's my savior. He turned my wailing into dancing! Sometimes it may seem as everything is wrong, but small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. All in God's timing, 'cause that's the perfect time.

I learned something, and I wrote down on my heart, "Let Jesus himself pick your songs, don't hesitate, before the battery dies." 'Cause Jesus has plans for all of us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.

“Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." ~Mark 16:15

...I love this. <3 It's true. He is our God. love it!!!

Sol, this is marvelous. There are only a few errors.

destruction?,

Generally a comma and an end-mark is unnecessary.

"But not helpless, neither alone,"

I think it's "nor alone" in this context.

"Let Jesus himself pick your songs, don't hesitate, before the battery dies."

This was the best line of the story. The whole show leads up to it, you could say.

Sol, Sol, Sol, Sol! *tune of Beethoven's Symphony No. 5* xD I am here to give thee a review!

Nitpicks:

It was just sequences, figures and numbers, hypothesis and microscopes.

- If you didn't know, 'hypotheses' is the plural form of 'hypothesis' and I suggest you use it in this sentence because all of the other nouns are in plural form.
- I think there ought to be a comma after 'hypothes(e)s'.

"This isn't my place," I repeated out loud.

- I'm not sure if 'repeated' is the correct word here 'cause this dialogue wasn't spoken earlier. Maybe, you can say 'I said and kept repeating out loud.' or something like that?

Sometimes what you have or want is not what you need,

- I think there ought to be a comma after 'Sometimes'.

Though the funny feeling of the air dancing around you, that wasn't it.

- Probably, this nitpick isn't really important but I just didn't get this sentence fully. xD

Or maybe it's just.. extinct,

- Two-dot ellipses are personally too informal. -.-

Where was it possible to find love on this Earth, when the constant war between us humans is part of our daily basis?

- Powerful line.

I heard a deep voice say, it was soft and sweet.

- Unfortunately for me, I can't imagine 'deep voice' being 'soft and sweet'. D:

I wandered around an empty land.

But I was floating on the air. Though the funny feeling of the air dancing around you, that wasn't it. I wasn't flying. I was stuck.

I searched the room with my eyes,

- These lines contradict one another. >.< There was no transition, but the person was wandering around an empty land, was stuck floating in air, and was inside the room at the same time. o.o I got lost.

I took the Ipod out of my pocket and put my earphones on.

- This isn't really an important nitpick, but the adding of a gadget, in this case - the iPod, seemed odd in the story. xD (Never mind. lol)

He took the Ipod on his hands and click stop,

- Correction: 'clicked'

He turned my wailing into dancing!

- Epic line.

"Let Jesus himself pick your songs, don't hesitate, before the battery dies."

- Another epic line. I love the way you connected spirituality with modern reality (or something like that xD).


This is really cool story. I'm not totally blown away by it, but I do like it. The message is just great. I just think you could've delivered this more powerfully. I also think that there should've been more imagery in the story. Nevertheless, nice job!

Never stop writing!

This was beautiful. This was actually a dream or did you just have a dream and this came to you? Either way it was so powerful and I could feel your faith. I loved it!

Just one thing:)
It's not Ipod, it's iPod. It's a name brand and that's how it's spelled. I know if I type it that way in in Microsoft word it doesn't say it's wrong, but it does when I type it with a capital. It's kind of like PetsMart. You can't spell it Petsmart:)

This was awesome! It was really powerful and I could feel the love.

At first I didn't think the ipod fit in with the rest, but then near the end it made sense.

I have no nitpicks! This was a really amazing story. Keep on writing!

Beautiful! Absolutely loved it!

Loved it.

Hi! I liked this mostly because I could feel your faith and the need to spread your faith. I think people like you are so important and you stand as role models for those of us who struggle daily with our faith. The iPod threw me off in the beginning, because it didn't really fit in with the Nothing you were creating, but it I understood toward the end. For me it worked so well because as the instant generation we are, we're constantly looking for instant satisfaction and we so often question our faith when our prayers and requests and signs aren't granted immediately.
Jeremiah 29:11 its completely.. Complete. Its the perfect verse and I adore it and you for using it!

It was absolutely brilliant! I agree with every line, it was so perfect. I can't even describe how good it was. To build off of the comment above me, I was actually named after my dad's favorite verse out of the Bible- Jeremiah 29:11. Yes, my name is Jeremiah. But, I digress, this was utterly brilliant. You have a gift. Keep Writing!

Hey Sol.

This piece was everything and more amazing. I'm a christian too, and i've only had one instance like this that can even compare to that.

When I read the title, i thought of the song. "You Found Me." by the Fray. Great way to start off. This piece was powerful, and you had a very good voice; you showed that the character was confused or stubborn at first, and then God took the M.c. in His arms.. That's powerful just in that little paragraph.

You also didn't have dull details, and this is good because everything had a purpose, that way it wasnt irrelavant.


Overall, a great story and i'll need to cut this short or else I'll keep rambling!

--Ash!!!

Hi,

While I am my agnostic little self, I really liked this. You did amazing. A few things, though:

But I was floating on the air. Though the funny feeling of the air dancing around you, that wasn't it. I wasn't flying. I was stuck. I was wanting something more. Craving for the most worn out word in the world: Love. But I wondered if the feeling was worn out as well. Or maybe it's just.. extinct, I thought.

First sentence: What?
Second sentence: Try rephrasing.
Last sentence: The two dots are way too informal for me, personally.

I really liked this. The title reminded me of that Kelly Clarkson song. I thought it was going to be a love story. Congrats on a good piece.

Farewell,
A.

Hi there

Your story=amazing. I loved how descriptive it was; the images in my head ! Your imagery is spectacular! Good show xD d(^-*)b

Wow. This is so true and so beautiful...
I'm a Christian as well, and I sometimes feel really lost and alone in this world - this really captured that. There are so many things that I don't understand - war, hunger, and just the plain pointlessness of life as man alone makes it - and sometimes I just have to remember that I don't have to understand it. All I have to do is follow God, and allow Him to love me.



Well, I feel really bad critiquing this, but there were a few things I thought could have been said a little better:

It was just sequences, figures and numbers, hypothesis and microscopes.
I know that others have mentioned that "hypothesis" isn't plural and should be 'hypotheses', but what made me notice this was the microscopes. I like the science theme, but why microscopes? It seemed a little random to me, that's all - I'd have done something like test tubes or petri dishes.

"What can't be seen, won't be believed," I heard. 'won't' didn't seem to fit with the sentence - it sounds more like a prediction than a statement. I'd have put "can't" instead. I was observing them carefully, but I could hardly understand. They said there's not such a thing as 'wrong or right'.

"This isn't my place," I repeated out loud. Am I part of the improvement or am I part of the destruction? I wondered. Sometimes what you have or want is not what you need, and sometimes what you need turns out to be what you really want. Where did that sentence come from? Perhaps there should have been some transition. I love this paragraph, though - it sets a good mood.

Where was it possible to find love on this Earth, when the constant war between us humans is part of our daily basis? Purely personal preference - I'd have done something to make the war seem more fruitless or dark.

Barefoot. Tired. Hopeless. "But not helpless, nor alone," I heard a deep voice say, (a semicolon or period would have been proper here) it was soft and sweet. Soft, sweet and deep is an absolutely perfect thing to say, by the way! Still, I was afraid. I searched the room with my eyes,(again, a semicolon instead of a comma should go here) I could still hear the echo, "I love you,(semicolon) love me as well. You will (how about "must"? "Will" sounds like a prophecy or a command given to a slave, not a loving request) seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Using the same verb twice in one sentence sounds strange and repetitive - I'd find a different word." I trembled with fear.

"Ignore that!" I said to myself as I closed my eyes. Why did the character want to ignore that statement, especially when he/she has been looking for someone to love him/her? I'm sure there's a legitimate reason, but I'd have preferred to know why. As it is, it sounds like the voice has insulted them somehow.I took the Ipod out of my pocket and put my earphones on. The lyrics repeated what I mentioned before, darkness; No hope, no love, no faith, no peace. That was all I'd ever known. "what I mentioned before" - for some reason, I feel like that isn't appropriate. It makes it sound more like it isn't a big deal, or something ... perhaps different wording, like "what I'd always known" or something more impending-sounding, would be good. (if that makes sense.)

Suddenly I started feeling weak, and I was about to faint when someone embraced his arms around me. I could finally breathe. He took the Ipod (iPod, not Ipod) on his hands and clicked stop, and I just let Him this time. Be careful not to leave words or suffixes out... people will notice. (If you wanted to do something other than "and", by the way, semicolons would work just as well.)

'Cause Jesus has plans for all of us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. "'Cause" seems a little too casual in contrast to the rest of the story. "Because" would have been fine. Also, I would have said something that ties in with the rest of the story, because this ending seemed a tiny bit rushed.

Again, I always feel bad when I nitpick over beautiful pieces like this one - this really is wonderful. The message alone, and the melancholy, lost mood and style that you used, created an amazing way to tell a story that has already taken place countless times, and yet is special no matter how often it occurs. You really emphasized on that - I forgot while I was reading that this character wasn't the only one who experienced this (or something like this, anyway).

Thanks for the inspiring piece - consider me a fan!

I love it!! It has so much feeling!! The short little sentences give ALOT of feeling but too many is kinda blah... But all in all a very good piece.