Torn.

I've been writing quite alot of poetry these days, I guess the emotions are there. My last one was "I cut myself" Yeah I just realised that it was strange how this is called "Torn" and the previous one talks about cutting...Anyway I hope you like this one

Torn.


Torn.

That’s how you left me-

In many ripped, scattered pieces

All over the floor.

The wind blew and invited me

Along its way,

Brought me on a new quest

Where I would try,

Though always unsuccessful,

To glue myself back together.

But I remain as you left me,

And I watch part of me burn;

The ashes dance the jig of sorrow

Back to the ground

To join the rest of the dirt.

To join the rest of me,

Torn.

Short but nice!

I like the rhythm and the way it rolls off my tongue.

The ashes dance the jig of sorrow

This line... this line is very unique. I quite like it!

The wind blew and invited me

Along its way,

Brought me on a new quest

Where I would try,

Though always unsuccessful,

To glue myself back together.

This has to be my favorite part!I could hear music in my head as I read it.

Keep writing,
~FW~

Hi there!

I like how you keep the running thread of paper throughout this piece. It's a really cool effect, and it plays well, especially, I think the lines "In many ripped, scattered pieces/All over the floor," which has both a beautiful flow and the cool effect of setting "All over the floor," on it's own, as if dropped.

I'd love to see a bit more of that play, however, and hear what else you can come up with in the realm of your paper metaphor. What kind of paper? Colors? Is there writing? What does it look like when burning? I'm not saying you have to use any of these images or examples themselves, but I think getting a bit more detail and specificity would elevate this to something even more memorable. The line freewritersavvy liked so much is based on the phrase "jig of sorrow" which is an awesome juxtaposition, but also a very, very specific one. The image is interesting and unique, and it would be great if there was just a bit more of that unexpected detail throughout the poem.

Good work!

I must admit a few lines into this poem I switched my "reading voice" to a Johny Depp accent.
That may have been the only reason it sounded so amazing.