North Child

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This is the [*]text abbreviated chapter from North Child. It is Book South, page 254


It ws nt a mnstr tht lay slpin on the wite shts. Nor a fceless hrror. Nor evn a white bear.
It ws a man.
His hair was gldn, glowin brite as a bonfir in the light of the cndle. + his featrs were fair, I suppse, bt he was a strangr + tht sumhow, ws the gr8est shck of all - tht I hd been lyin nxt 2 a cmplt strangr. I hd 2 hld the cndle stdy agnst the violnt shudr tht shook my bdy. Thn I noticd the strangr was wearin the wite niteshrt, the 1 i hd wovn. It fit im wll, nt 2 wide nor 2 nrrow acrs the shldrs; the slves fel 2 his rists, neithr 2 long nor 2 shrt. I thowt hw lcky i hd been to estmate the size, wth only the feelin of his wait on the mtress 2 go by, then relized hw absurd I was 2 b stndin there thkin about ow wel the niteshrt fit.
He lay on his sde. I stred down at his hnd, which crled gntly on the wite sht in fron o him. Tre ws a slvr ring on the smlst fngr. I cld c sprse gldn hairs on the bak of his hnd, + the crved fngrs smed vnrble 2 me. I sdly flt ashmed, starin dwn at a strngr in th pl of cndlite. I flt meself blsh, my skn ht + uncmfrtble. I rsed the cndl, thinkin 2 blw it out, at onc but hesitning brflyfr a lst lk at his fce.
+ then his eyes opned.
I let out a cry, my brth goin shrt. Thy were his eyes, the wite brs eyes. Ny bdy jerked with the shck of seein fmliar, evn wll-luved, eyes in a strngrs fce.
In tht momnt the cndle tpped, + ht wx spilled onto the strnger, on2 the sldr of the niteshrt.
He lt out a cry of his own, and the snd of it shll rmain seard in my hrt 4eva, so hrrble ws it 2 my ears. It hd nufin 2 do wiv the pain of ht wax burnin the skn but instd held an enrmous akin grief; it was a knning wail of loss, dth and btrayal.

***

It feels so wrong having so many spelling mistakes o.O
[*]Text abbreviated for a competition
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Hi,

Sorry, but what the hell is this. I could barely understand this, let alone want to. You didn't capture my attention. You might have if everything was spelled out. I'm sorry if this is rude. Try again.

Farewell,
A.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.




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hey... yeah this is weird, but I'm gathering that the contest is to shrink a piece of writing so it is barely intelligible? Or so that people who are addicted to their phones can read it :P xD

Which competition is it for, by the way? Is it on YWS?

So yeah basically, if the competition is to take out as many letters as possible, a definite win for you!

~*cottonrulz*~
Here's a story of a brother by the name of Othello,
He liked white women and he liked - green jello... - Reduced Shakespeare Company




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Hey;

Well I found this... interesting. Once I managed to get past the abbreviations/spelling issues, it was interesting enough. Overall, the story idea is interesting but I feel like the plot isn't very developed. I don't understand a lot of it; why would the man cry out in death and betrayal? I know the candle fell on him, but why is he familiar, and why does he feel betrayed? Obviously no one likes candle wax on them... but, still, a little more description on why "betrayal" would be nice.

It's kind of hard to give feedback on this because I'm not sure what you're aiming for or why you're abbreviating words. If you could direct me/other reviewers to the contest page (which has more info, I'm guessing) that would be helpful, or you could simply describe the requirements.

I also feel like the ending isn't really an ending. It makes the readers think, yes, but it's too open. There's too many questions left. I understand having an air of mystery, but there's too much here. I'd suggest elaborating on the ending.



Not many will ever really understand you / That doesn't mean you aren't worth understanding
— Quillfeather