Fragile soul or Indifferent mind?

Her waxy feathers are glazed with red blood
As she struck down with sleek efficiency
Limp and lifeless...
Limitless she had seemed!
From her throat is pulled a ghostly whisper

Yet more glorious than;
The breathless, frantic squawks
The slow suffocation in darkness ,
the bright-eyed, damp, sickly terror of temporal hell

The savage gleam in those black vacuums,
wolf's wicked snarling mouth not so grotesque
as man, who wears an indifferent smile?
Its bones are groaning, it's hunger dragging

It's weakness runs deep; it dashes and leaps-
Squanders fragile life
Alack, over this cub no-one weeps
but human, hark at the glum trees!

It's really a dark poem, a little too dark for me. The title I don't really understand, and it seems long for such a short poem. There should not be a space between "darkness" and the comma. I'm not really a fan of the word "glum" but that's just my opinion. But there are a lot of words you can substitute for the word glum. Oh! also "Alack" seems like a very strange word, maybe you mean "alas" There are pretty good details in this poem though, such as "As she struck down with sleek efficiency" My favorite part is "wolf's wicked snarling mouth not so grotesqueas man, who wears an indifferent smile?" But, I'm not sure if there should be a question mark there?. Well welcome to Young Writer's Society I hope my review helped you. Keep up the Writing!
~tgirly

Very good stuff. Very, very good stuff. Darkest piece I've ever seen. Not that I've seen everything. I like the title, it makes you wonder - is the bird just another weak carcass, another symbol of what we know and fear? If not, then what is it? I love the way you describe the image. But I wonder.....what does this represent? What does it mean?

Her waxy feathers are glazed with red blood nice verse
As she struck down with sleek efficiency
Limp and lifeless...
Limitless she had seemed!
From her throat is pulled a ghostly whisper

Yet more glorious than; I like how you call something so terrible 'yet more glorious' I agree, only having the strength for a ghostly whisper illustrates more pain than frantic screeching, and much more interesting
The breathless, frantic squawks
The slow suffocation in darkness ,
the bright-eyed, damp, sickly terror of temporal hell

The savage gleam in those black vacuums, good illustration
wolf's wicked snarling mouth not so grotesque
as man, who wears an indifferent smile?
Its bones are groaning, it's hunger dragging same here

It's weakness runs deep; it dashes and leaps- this whole verse is perfect. Love it all.
Squanders fragile life
Alack, over this cub no-one weeps
but human, hark at the glum trees!

So, amazing stuff. Very dark. Darker the better, just not TOO dark. (Hey, just like chocolate!) Keep that pen in reach.

tgirly: Thanks for your honest and insightful review. My punctuation isn't something I am really proud of. But hell I'll learn I guess. It's good know that you get this poem actually. I will keep your point's in mind next time. Thanks again.

Annie: Loved your review. It's great to know that people appreciate darkness. You know, you feel like the only one in the crowd sometime's. My deepest thanks to you. =)

I loved this poem! I love the darkness to it (See my screen name)... my kind of poem... I like reading them, but I just can't write them. o.O Got any tips?

But anyway, I loved the whole structure of the poem- it was dark and I have no faults, but how is the title relevent to the poem?

Overall, I LOVED it! Keep writing!