Aphrodite

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Aphrodite my love
She waits for me at the place of our first meeting
But how long will she wait?
If I do not appear,
Ares is waiting for her to shun me
Waiting for that moment when he will win.

But I do not see her as a conquest.
And if she leaves me-
Well, that will be the end of us.
The fates have conspired to see us come to a tragic halt
And try as I may,
I cannot get them to alter the course of our fate.

If shall never meet her again
I only wish to tell Aphrodite
Sweet Aphrodite
That I have loved her with all my heart.
If she does not feel that way about me
It is better to have loved
Then not loved at all.

He comforts her
Holding her in his arms as he tells her that I have died.
My thread has been cut short
Lachesis has decided the length of my thread
And Atropos had cut it with her great shears
On to Hades’ realm I rush

The feelings of nothingness washing over me like a cold bath
But still my love for dear Aphrodite burns strong
The dead notice me as I drift like them
Aimless in the bleakness
Of those desolate plains that border Elysium
Then in the blackness I hear a voice
One filled with so much anguish that it draws the dead toward it

We float like a wall of water
Onwards still
The voice calling.
In the cries I hear my name-
I hear the voice that spoke my name crying for me

Hades appears, Persephone at his side
Hands outstretched
Her dead eyes filling with tears as she beckons me closer
I stand before the king and queen of the dead
Kneeling
Staring at the ground that seems to fall out from under me

Hades looks as if he does not wish to give me this boon
As if he will shake his hand and banish me back to the void
But he does not
I am handed to golden hands
But my eyes do not see

Those very same hands cover my eyes with silk cloth
But I do not feel
Lips brush against mine, whispering
But I do not hear
Not until the sun warms my dead skin
Do I finally feel like I am alive

Not until the sun warms my skin
Do I feel the silk torn from my eyes
And Aphrodite kissed me sweetly
She has accomplished what Orpheus could not
For I have been brought back from the dead
I live in the arms of my lover

She leads me back to the pavilion
Where I first stumbled across her
The perfect vision of beauty
Where we simply sit
A smile never leaving her lovely face
Until she falls asleep in my arms
When people ask me, why are you so weird, I never know what to say. Then I think, why should I be like this when I can be like ttthhhiiiisss?




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Very good! All I caught was in one of the stanzas, you might want to change the second fate to something like destiny. It sounded a bit repetitive. It was very good!
Review unto others as you would have others review unto you.

Don't panic!

Also, Shino!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2918
Reviews 26
Thanks for the review. I'll take your advice and change it.
When people ask me, why are you so weird, I never know what to say. Then I think, why should I be like this when I can be like ttthhhiiiisss?




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Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 7
The poem was beautiful and deep. Aphrodite was an appropriate title. It dealt with pain in the love life. I found it gripping.

However your rhyming could have been better and every sentence doesn't have to start with a capital letter.

All in all a good poem. =)



The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
— Harold Coffin