Right In The Face

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this is my first time posting a short story so be nice. I know i didn't spell all of the words correctly, so take a read and i hope you like it.

Seeing as how I am risk assessor and all, I assess risks and such thing. I go from place to place assessign risks and what not, and it tends to get lonely sometimes. No, lonely isn't the right word for this. It's boring. Yea, boring was the word i was looking for. Yep, straight upboring as hell.Sometimes i wish i could just jump off of a damn bridge and be done with it. But that't what my cheating skuz bag of a wife would want. So there's no way in hell am i going to give her what she wants, so you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Oh yea, and that cheating skags name is sophia, just so you know. Man do i wanna kick somebody in the face right now. But i can't. 'cause i'm at work right now.

"Gideon!" a deep voice yelled from behind me. "Where the hell it that report at?"
That's the boss man. his name is derek diamond and he owned the entire building we work in. If i were to describe him, i would say he was a burly looking guy curly brwon and a white smile. He was about an inch taller than meand his skin was a tone lighter than my russet colored skin.my height topped out at about six-four and i kept myself in perfect shape. So i can't imagine why she would wanna cheat on such a fine specimen such as myself. And i'm guessing right about now she's probably getting her legs spread by that stupid bastard alexander. what a freakin' prick, i swear.

"Up yours, you pudgy piece of scum." was my grumbled reply as i stood up from my desk and headed toward his office.

"Pst!" jack hissed. He was a friend of mine. his hair was the color of warm honey, but he was slightly shorter than me, and in not as good shape as i am. his skin was pale and he had small spread of freckles along his nose and cheeks."Pssst!"

"What!?" was my reply. "You idget"

"Ouch" He held his hand over his chest like what i said actually hurt his feelings. "I just wanted to say good luck with your pimp in there"

I threw an eraser at his head while he chuckled. "Thanks man," A smile creeped into my face and i said, "I'll be sure to tell your wife what you said. Tonight. When she's screaming my name. Over. And over again. While she's coming, over. And over again."

Jack stopped laughing and started to cuss me out when Fredrick, who was sitting right beside Jack, busted out laughing and said, "Oh bitch! He just burned your ass. I mean like completely and totally torched it"

he laughed so hard he fell out his chair. Then i busted out laughing, the whole time while Jack is cussing me out. i started walking again before the boss man decided to start yelling my name out around the office. As i entered his office i tried to wipe the huge smile off my face and failing very miserably at it.

"Here's that report you wanted." tossing the file on his desk i tried to retreat before he could say anything. But it was too late.
"Stop it, and park it morningstar" he said as he closed his door. a crowd gathered on the other side of it. Crap.

Man! This guy just didn't know how to take no for an answer. I could hear Jack's barks of laughter from the other side of the door. Everybody in the entire building knew derek was gay. Hell ever his six year old daughter- hissix year old daughter- knew he was gay. The entire building also knew he had a thing for me. Curse my good looks!! Now half of the office was on the other side of the door, snickering and laughing away at me. Bunch of yellow bellies. Derek came up behind the chair i was sitting in and placed his hands on the back of it.

"What were you guys laughing about?" I knew damn well he didn't give a crap about what we were laughing about. He probably just liked the way my lips moved.

I cleared my throat. "A joke i made about Jack's wife."
He leaned in close and inhaled deeply. Did he just smell me? WTF? what does he no get? I'm a skirt chaser, he prefers it from behind. But i still have to give him his props though. At least he hasn't thrown me on top of his desk and totally freakin' violated me while the people outside took pictures of me cyring like a little boy who needed his mommy. He moved to sit on the edge of his desk. Directly infront of me. Where i could clearly see he had a boner. i heard somebody cackling like a witch outside. Probably Angela.

"About how i was banging his wife." i tried to laugh, but couldn't.

"Hm." he nodded, but said nothing else. He wasn't really paying attention to what i was saying by the way his eyes followed my lips.

And on that note, deuces. "Yea," I stood up and headed toward the door. "Well i better get back to work"

He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"You aint goin' no where" i could feel his lips on my neck.

Next thing i know he has me on his desk.I gave the girliest squeal you could ever imagine and everybody outside busted out laughing. Derek came at me and i kicked him right in the face. It was crazy how perfectly they fit together. Like they were made for each other. Like soul mates. I thought as he fell flat on his back. As soon as he was down i was haulin' ass, crashing through the glass door and blinds that covered.

So here I am. A risk assessor (don't know if i spelled that right). A person who assess (don't know about that either) risks and determines whether or not there are any in the decisions made. And here I am almost getting owned by my gay boss. Man, i suck this job.
"What is dead my never die, but rises again, larger and stronger..."

*Ride like Lightening, crash like Thunder*


"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies..."




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Hey, I'll review! :) I'm new myself, so it'll probably be useless but I hope I help a little :) and if anything I say is wrong, ignore me XD
I put the general comments in blue, and other stuff (typos, spelling errors, small grammatical mistakes) I made red :)

Seeing as how I am (In my opinion, the risk assessor would sound better) risk assessor and all, I assess risks and such thing. <I think it should be "such things", but i'm not overly sure. Such thing doesn't sound correct though. Maybe you could change it to "I assess risks and the like"? I go from place to place #FF0000 ">assessing risks and what not, and it tends to get lonely sometimes. No, lonely isn't the right word for this. It's boring. #FF0000 ">Yeah, boring was the word i was looking for. Yep, straight upboring (there should be a space between up and boring) as hell. Sometimes #FF0000 ">I wish #FF0000 ">I could just jump off of a damn bridge and be done with it. But #FF0000 ">that's what my cheating skuz bag of a wife would want. So there's no way in hell am i going to give her what she wants, (you need to change this part of the sentence. In my opinion it should either be: 'So there's no way in hell I'm going to give her what she wants' or 'No way in hell am I going to give her what she wants') so you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Oh #FF0000 ">yeah, and that cheating skags name is sophia, just so you know. Man do #FF0000 ">i wanna kick somebody in the face right now. But #FF0000 ">i can't. 'cause i'm at work right now.

"Gideon!" a deep voice yelled from behind me. "Where the hell it that report at?"

That's the boss man. #FF0000 ">His name is #FF0000 ">Derek #FF0000 ">Diamond and he owned the entire building we work in. (Changed tenses mid sentence, it should be 'and he owns the entire building we work in'.) If #FF0000 ">I were to describe him, #FF0000 ">I would say he was a burly looking guy curly #FF0000 ">brown and a white smile. (Maybe try, 'he was a burly looking guy with curly brown hair and a white smile.') He was about an inch taller than #FF0000 ">me and his skin was a tone lighter than my russet colored skin. #FF0000 ">My height topped out at about six-four (I don't get this 'topped out' stuff, maybe my height reached six-four? Not too sure :D) and #FF0000 ">I kept myself in perfect shape. So #FF0000 ">I can't imagine why she would wanna (your story seems quite colloquial so it might be okay, but I'd probably change it to 'why would she want to cheat') cheat on such a fine specimen such as myself. And i'm guessing right about now she's probably getting her legs spread by that stupid bastard #FF0000 ">Alexander. #FF0000 ">What a freakin' prick, #FF0000 ">I swear.

"Up yours, you pudgy piece of scum." was my grumbled reply as i stood up from my desk and headed toward his office. (I'd change this to: "Up yours, you pudgy piece of scum." I grumbled as I stood up..)

"Pst!" jack hissed. He was a friend of mine. #FF0000 ">His hair was the color of warm honey, but he was slightly shorter than me, and in not as good shape as #FF0000 ">I am. #FF0000 ">His skin was pale and he had small spread of freckles along his nose and cheeks."Pssst!"

"What!?" was my reply. "You idget"

#FF0000 ">"Ouch!" He held his hand over his chest like what #FF0000 ">I said actually hurt his feelings. "I just wanted to say good luck with your pimp in there"

I threw an eraser at his head while he chuckled. "Thanks man," a smile creeped into my face and i said, "I'll be sure to tell your wife what you said. Tonight. When she's screaming my name. Over. And over again. While she's coming (The real spelling is cumming, but you might be okay with coming, i'm not too sure) #FF0000 ">over, and over again."

Jack stopped laughing and started to cuss me out when Fredrick, who was sitting right beside Jack, busted out laughing and said, "Oh bitch! He just burned your ass. I mean like completely and totally torched it"

#BF0000 ">He laughed so hard he fell out his chair. Then i busted out laughing, the whole time while Jack #FF0000 ">was cussing me out. #FF0000 ">I started walking again before the boss man (I think you should just make it boss, instead of boss man) decided to start yelling my name out around the office. As #FF0000 ">I entered his office#FF0000 "> i tried to wipe the huge smile off my face and failing very miserably at it. (Changed tenses again, it should be: I tried to wipe the huge smile off my face and failed miserably at it)

"Here's that report you wanted." (I said as I tossed.. would be better in my opinion) tossing the file on his desk #FF0000 ">I tried to retreat before he could say anything. But it was too late.

"Stop it, and park it morningstar" he said as he closed his door. #FF0000 ">A crowd gathered on the other side of it. Crap.

Man! This guy just didn't know how to take no for an answer. I could hear Jack's barks of laughter from the other side of the door. Everybody in the entire building knew #FF0000 ">Derek was gay. Hell #FF0000 ">even his six year old daughter- #FF0000 ">his six year old daughter- knew he was gay. The entire building also knew he had a thing for me. Curse my good looks!! Now half of the office was on the other side of the door, snickering and laughing away at me. Bunch of yellow bellies. Derek came up behind the chair #FF0000 ">I was sitting in and placed his hands on the back of it.

"What were you guys laughing about?" I knew damn well he didn't give a crap about what we were laughing about. He probably just liked the way my lips moved.

I cleared my throat. "A joke #FF0000 ">I made about Jack's wife."

He leaned in close and inhaled deeply. Did he just smell me? WTF? #FF0000 ">What does he #FF0000 ">not get? I'm a skirt chaser, he prefers it from behind. But #FF0000 ">I still have to give him his props though. At least he hasn't thrown me on top of his desk and totally freakin' violated me while the people outside took pictures of me #FF0000 ">crying like a little boy who (that) needed his mommy. He moved to sit on the edge of his desk. Directly infront of me. Where #FF0000 ">I could clearly see he had a boner. #FF0000 ">I heard somebody cackling like a witch outside. Probably Angela.

"About how #FF0000 ">I was banging his wife." #FF0000 ">I tried to laugh, but couldn't.

"Hm." he nodded, but said nothing else. He wasn't really paying attention to what #FF0000 ">I was saying by the way his eyes followed my lips.

And on that note, deuces. "Yea," I stood up and headed toward the door. "Well #FF0000 ">I better get back to work"

He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"You aint goin' no where" #FF0000 ">I could feel his lips on my neck.

Next thing i know he has me on his desk. (had me)I gave the girliest squeal you could ever imagine and everybody outside busted out laughing. Derek came at me and #FF0000 ">I kicked him right in the face. It was crazy how perfectly they fit together. Like they were made for each other. Like soul #FF0000 ">mates, I thought as he fell flat on his back. As soon as he was down #FF0000 ">I was haulin' ass, crashing through the glass door and blinds that covered.

So here I am. A risk assessor. A person who assesses risks and determines whether or not there are any in the decisions made. (I don't get what you're trying to say here... maybe 'A person who assesses risks and determines whether or not actions are taken? I don't know. :D) And here I am almost getting owned by my gay boss. Man, #FF0000 ">I suck (add at, so: I suck at this job.) this job.

Overall:
I liked it. Has many spelling errors and small grammatical things wrong with it, but they're all easy to change. I'd make the changes I suggested, (the ones you agree with anyway), and I'll try review it again :) I'm sure someone else will too! Also, next time focus on making your I's capital, that's the biggest error I noticed :D
“Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow..."
Lawrence Clark Powell.




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I enjoyed reading this piece, but as the previous reviewer noted it, grammar, spelling and punctuation are a definite must. Some parts of your story seemed a bit vague and unspecific, but I didn't find it affected the story too much. I'm certain a better presentation will definitely and noticeably improve the tone and flow of the prose. cheers!



If you want something badly, you just gotta believe it's gonna work out.
— Andy, Parks & Rec