The Nightmare Stone Prolouge

Prolouge
It was 1857 when I, Alexander DeKnight, turned into the towns' worst nightmare.I the a spitting image of what my father became. I was such a great hunter and I didnt hunt ducks or deer, I hunted the creatures of the night, that feasted on the innocent.But all came down to one faithful night where I became my own nightmare. I was helping a client to get rid of the beast that was eating all he's cattle and leaving such a bloody mess. My other fellow hunting brothers and I left to go to the woods to find this beast of the night, but only to find nothing. While we were heading west trying to find the beast tracks or something that would lead us to it we heard a scream from the other side of the lake that we were standing in front of; but we didnt see anyone there.
"Whoa then it seems the legends are true."One of my fellow hunting brothers,Marvin, said.
"What the legend of the seductive woman? The one that seduces men and then eats them?" Marvin nodded and I laughed and so did the others. Marvin face turned red in anger. Then we heard another cry and we ignored it.
"But what if its a lady in need of our help thats been captured by a beast or by a leech?"I stopped laughing. Hmmm maybe Marvin is right maybe its the seductive lady Amora or someone in need of our aid but still I have an odd feeling about crossing the lake.
"Well Marvin you may be right someone is either need of our aid or Amora The Seductress is trying to make us into her meal but either way were going right." I turned back to see my fellow hunters to see them ready for battle but Marvin.
"Where in the bloody hell is Marvin I thought he was right behind me!"I yellled and everyone looked around them to see Marvin missing.Then we heard a scream and it wasn't a female; it was a male.
"Marvin!" I yelled and ran to where I heard it come from and the others trailing right behind me but we stopped half way. All of us had an uneasy feeling and the water started to rise up all around us.Then transfor into a female figure but one of the female figures had Marvin inside their bodies.
"Oh god! What is that?" I heard one of my men say.
"Shut up and let's go help Marvin or else hes going to drown!"One of my brothers ran to the lake towards the water woman.She smiled then she screamed.

Hello Axel and welcome to YWS!!

It was 1857 or so when I, Alexander DeKnight

"It was around 1857 when I" would have been a better opening as it flows better. And cool name by the way

turned into the towns' worst nightmare and I was a spitting image of my father of what he became.

Firstly, it would be smoother if you took out the "and" and made it two sentences. Secondly, it would make more sense if the last prat went something like "I was the spitting image of what my father became".

I didnt hunt ducks or deer I hunted the

You need a comma or a semi-colon inbetween "deer" and "I".

, but all came down to

Becasue this sentence is really long, so you could make it a new sentece and start it "But it all came down to".

find this beast of the night but only to find nothing

You don't need the "but" you just need a comma.

other side of the lake that we wer standing in front of but we didnt see anyone there.

It should be "were" and a semi-colon will work better before the "but".

"Whoa there it seems the legends are true."One of my fellow hunting brother Marvin.

I think you mean "then" instead of "there". And the end part doesn't make sense, try "One of my fellow hunting brothers, Marvin, said.

Marvin nodded and I laughed so did the others.

You need an "and" inbetween "laughed" and "so".

Hmmm maybe Marvin is right maybe its the seductive lady Amora or someone need of our aid but still I have an odd feeling of crossing the lake.

You missed the "in" before "need". (You do this again in the next line) Also, insted of "feeling of crossing" it should be "feeling about crossing".

The Seductress is trying to make us into her meal but either way were going right. I turned back to see my fellow hunters to see them ready for battle but Marvin.

You missed a speach mark at the end of the first sentence.

to see Marvin missing then we heard a scream and it wasn't a female it was a male.

You should make a new sentence after "missing" and a semi-colon after "female".

"Marvin!" I yelled and ran to where I heard it come from and the others trailing right behind me but we stopped half way. All of us had an uneasy feeling and the water started to rise up all around us then transfor into a female figure but one of the female figures had Marvin inside their bodies.

These two sentences are too long. You need to break them up into smaller ones so the writing flows better.

One of my brothers ran to the lake towards the water woman then she smiled then she screamed.

Take out the "then" and put in a full stop. Make the last bit another sentence but make it easier to read and more interesting: "She smiled, then screamed."

I'm really sorry that it's a long review. This is a really good prolouge and with some revising it will be amazing; I'm sure of it. You have a brilliant talent to create mystery, which is what a prolouge should do, plus you have the ability to show enough of your story to draw the reader in, without giving the entire plot away. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm only here to help, but I feel that you have one main difficulty with your writing: sentences. Long sentences are good when used right, but you can't really use them all the time.
Keep up the great skills and PM me or post something on my wall if you need anything. Midnight x

Oh well thank you for the review and I will fix everything up.

Honey, you gotta spell "Prologue" the right way. I'm just going to edit the whole thing right here, if that's okay. I'll put corrections in red, so you notice them. I don't mean to be a jerk, but that's just the way i come off to people, and i apologize.

Prolouge
It was 1857 when I, Alexander DeKnight, turned into the towns' worst nightmare.I the a spitting image of what my father became. I was such a great hunter and I didnt hunt ducks or deer, I hunted the creatures of the night, that feasted on the innocent.But all came down to one faithful night where I became my own nightmare. I was helping a client to get rid of the beast that was eating all he's cattle and leaving such a bloody mess. My other fellow hunting brothers and I left to go to the woods to find this beast of the night, but only to find nothing. While we were heading west trying to find the beast tracks or something that would lead us to it we heard a scream from the other side of the lake that we were standing in front of; but we didnt see anyone there.
"Whoa then it seems the legends are true."One of my fellow hunting brothers,Marvin, said.
"What the legend of the seductive woman? The one that seduces men and then eats them?" Marvin nodded and I laughed and so did the others. Marvin face turned red in anger. Then we heard another cry and we ignored it.
"But what if its a lady in need of our help thats been captured by a beast or by a leech?"I stopped laughing. Hmmm maybe Marvin is right maybe its the seductive lady Amora or someone in need of our aid but still I have an odd feeling about crossing the lake.
"Well Marvin you may be right someone is either need of our aid or Amora The Seductress is trying to make us into her meal but either way were going right." I turned back to see my fellow hunters to see them ready for battle but Marvin.
"Where in the bloody hell is Marvin I thought he was right behind me!"I yellled and everyone looked around them to see Marvin missing.Then we heard a scream and it wasn't a female; it was a male.
"Marvin!" I yelled and ran to where I heard it come from and the others trailing right behind me but we stopped half way. All of us had an uneasy feeling and the water started to rise up all around us.Then transfor into a female figure but one of the female figures had Marvin inside their bodies.
"Oh god! What is that?" I heard one of my men say.
"Shut up and let's go help Marvin or else hes going to drown!"One of my brothers ran to the lake towards the water woman.She smiled then she screamed.

Instead, you should have it like this:

Prologue
It was 1857 when I, Alexander DeKnight, turned into the town's worst nightmare, the spitting image of what my father became. I was such a great hunter , and I didn't hunt ducks or deer; I hunted the creatures of the night that feasted on the innocent. But all came down to thatone faithful night when I became my own nightmare.
I was helping a client get rid of the beast that had been eating all his cattle and leaving a bloody mess.
My other fellow hunting brothers and I left to go to the woods and find this beast of the night, but we only found nothing.
While we were heading west trying to find the beast tracks or something that would lead us to it, we heard a scream from the other side of the lake we were standing in front of; but we didn't see anyone there.
"Whoa, then it seems the legends are true," one of my fellow hunting brothers, Marvin, said.
"What, the legend of the seductive woman? The one that seduces men and then eats them?"
Marvin nodded, and I laughed. So did the others. Marvin's face turned red in anger.
Then, we heard another cry, but we ignored it.
"What if it's a lady in need of our help? A lady that's been captured by a beast or by a leech?"
I stopped laughing. Hmmm maybe Marvin is right maybe its the seductive lady Amora or someone in need of our aid But still, I have an odd feeling about crossing this lake.
"Well, Marvin, you may be right. Someone is either need of our aid or Amora The Seductress is trying to make us into her meal. But either way were going right." I turned back to see my fellow hunters to see them ready for battle but Marvin.
"Where in the bloody hell is Marvin I thought he was right behind me!"I yelled and everyone looked around them to see Marvin missing.Then we heard a scream and it wasn't a female; it was a male.
"Marvin!" I yelled and ran to where I heard it come from and the others trailing right behind me but we stopped half way. All of us had an uneasy feeling and the water started to rise up all around us.Then transformed into a female figure but one of the female figures had Marvin inside their bodies.
"Oh god! What is that?" I heard one of my men say.
"Shut up, and let's go help Marvin or else hes going to drown!"
One of my brothers ran to the lake towards the water woman.
She smiled, and then she screamed.

I think that flows better.
That's all for today.
*CMA