Stranger

Stalk still, waiting on the street corner,
I almost see him nod at me.
Blinking.
Unsure.
Silence.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

A strange aura around us.
Alien spaceships rocket to the ground.
Water drops.
Collide.
Explode.
And no one notices.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

In a shimmer he turns,
Yet not to go away.
But change,
Green.
Yellow.
Red.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

The bus curves clumsily around the corner.
Transparent ballerinas spring from the sidewalk.
Live, for a moment.
Only to
Splat.
To the pavement
Again.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

His pitch black and steely face.
Tells me he wants to be free.
To travel.
Roaming.
Drifting.
As I board the bus.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

I thank him for his help in guiding me.
Yet he waits alone.
On that lonely corner.
Where he has stood
Forever.
Wishing.
Longing.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

He assists each noisy beetle.
Crawling along in a toxic fume.
Honking.
Beeping.
Speeding.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

I feel pain in his soul.
Made of hard wires and cables.
But it has a spark.
He will never.
Let.
Go.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

And I cry for him.
Because he cannot.
All he has.
Are the raindrops
That trace paths
Down his side.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

And I wonder.
What is it really like,
To be a traffic light?


(Gotcha... )

Whoa. Wait a second, *rereads*, that was very different! Alright, this is very strange. I like it though. After all, who writes about inanimate objects very often? That was wonderful and very unique. I love the repitition with the "hush, hush". It's like telling the reader to listen around them to all the objects around them. It makes you think.

Now that I buttered you up, I have a bit of a problem with the ending. You started it so strongly and so interestingly, but the ending made me rather angry. After all, you told us what it was. I'd rather have to guess it and assume it's a traffic light (rightly so) instead of having it told to me. The ending sounded rather dull, from "It is all a being" onward. I say to omit that part and stop it at "hush hush hush hush." That would be better than the one you have now.

Anyway, other than the ending, it was a very captivating unique piece with capturing imagery. Just work on the ending and then write more!

Oh wow this had me going until the end, which cracked me up. At first I thought this was about aliens, then fairies, then insects, and I was getting more and more confused until I read the last few parts. I felt a bit silly for having missed all the (now) obvious prompts. One suggestion I have is that although you set it up quite nicely for the ending, the parts before that are a bit tedious; I think you can still set it up as ambiguously as possible without giving it away and with less details as well. Cheers!

That was awesome. I had abosolutely no idea what it was leading to then when I came to the end I just started laughing, It was such an intense poem for being about a traffic light. But I think it's really cool that you can write something like that about something so simple. It shows talent, I think:) I loved your descirtptions and how you formatted it. Again awesome!

Wowee! Totally different type of poem. Cammie, I think you might be crazy because you are the only person who I know who wrote about a traffic light. When I first read this I loved the way you repeated the hush at the end of every line, making it flow nicely. As well as that, I didn't think it was a traffic light at first, but when you talked about the red, yellow, green thing I thought why on earth is she talking about a traffic light here??? thinking it could of been a mistake. Now I see not.

At first when you read the poem I think it is a person. But reading it a second time through (after knowing what it was) it was really interesting how much it changed. Love the poem! Keep on going!

Deanie x

Haha, this poem is very creative! So unexpected, I loved it though. It's cool how you describe everything so vividly yet the reader has got no clue what was to come, that last line was just.... yeh, unexpected! So, i love the content, your imagery and creativity is stunning! As for the rest of the poem... structure mainly, I wasn't as impressed. I like that all stanzas are built the same way, but the flow isn't that good in any of them, it's choppy and I suspect it's because you jump from long, lines to short lines contantely and yeh, it's a bit wobbly I really enjoyed the repetition of "hush, hush, hush" though Your punctuation is pretty good too!

So these stanzas below are my favorites, I like how you describe this traffic-lights as if it were a forgotten person exposed to misery and pain. Really cool!

I feel pain in his soul,
Made of hard wires and cables.
But it has a spark;
He will never
Let.
Go.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

And I cry for him,
Because he cannot. - Love these two lines!
All he has.
Are the rain
Drops
That trace paths
Down his side.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

So there are a few errors in the punctuation, it's pretty much the same in ech stanza so I won't point it all out. There were some typos too, like you forgot to capitalize the first-line letter sometimes but I don't think that was intentional.. thought I'd point it out anyhows!

Eeh, what more do I have to say. I like your style, and you're very cool for writing this poem. I'll give it 4/5 icky sticky spiders but if you structured it up and corrected a few things you get the last one too. Cause I love this!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness