The Town of Wolves chapt. 2

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(Cont. of Town of Wolves)


I found out the next day at the Monday sewing circle what the men’s plans were, from their wives. Many young girls were out visiting friends, or making social calls. I had no such obligations, so I met with the older women of the town in the sewing circle. It was my weekly dose of gossip, although I did not contribute much.

I was decent at sewing. By no means a professional, but I could hold my own and interested in it enough to constitute joining. Besides, I liked the older women better than the ones of my own of late teens. They had better morals, and they weren’t as exhausting to talk to.

“Oh dear Silvia, I seem to have run out of black thread- may I borrow yours?”

“Well of course Helen, don’t even ask. Anyway, as I was saying, that nice young Deputy is going out to set traps later today in the woods for the wolves. He said he doubted they’d catch any, but it was worth a shot, he said.”

“I thought they decided it wasn’t wolves?” asked Helen, who unwound some thread from Silvia, Victor’s wife.

“But they could not help but acknowledge the fact that there were tracks practically on the body… By the way Dandelion, so sorry about your cousin.”

“Thank you Silvia,” I said, “We will all miss her very much.” Probably more you than I, I mused. Sissy and I were not very close, to say the least. Silvia nodded empathetically. But like a stranger, I pitied Sissy in the way she died only, and for youth lost.

“Victor still doesn’t think it was wolves, but whatever is out there needs to be taken before it can take us,” Silvia nodded around, and we clucked and nodded too, much like hens.

“Poor wolves,” Stacy said, “If they didn’t do anything to the poor girl that is.”

“Of course, of course,” Silvia agreed, and started a new thread. “Stacy dear, how is your cloak coming along?”

“Fine, fine,” Stacy went on to prattle about how she came to choose the cloth for it, which somehow also relative to this morning when she found a dead mouse in the cabinet.

Meanwhile I was thinking. Those poor wolves… It was true their tracks were found at the scene, but couldn’t they’ve just been attracted by the smell of blood? Victor said that it wasn’t a wolf, and I trusted Victor. My mind whirred, and the more spontaneous side of my personality started to think. If that damned Deputy was setting traps, I could very easily spring them. It would be simple; Go out in the woods tonight, follow his enormous horses’ tracks, and spring the traps. I could sneak out and wear my father’s old pants and boots to keep warm even.
By the end of the sewing circle, I was already thinking about where I stored the winter clothes, and how late I should wait before going out that night. There was no way I going to let a stupid man screw with a bunch of innocent wolves. No one deserved to be punished by a righteous ass like Deputy Windsor. I smiled to myself and started a new thread.

*******
I waited until almost all of the lights were out, and then crept out the front door. A scarf was over my face, and a hat my mother had knitted covered my ears. I wore three jackets, two pairs of pants, and two sets of socks with my father’s boots. They were too big for my feet alone, but with all the extra stockings they almost fit perfectly.

Only my eyes showed as I set off into the woods. The deputy would have come into this side of the forest anyway, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find his tracks. The snow was oppressive on my legs as I walked, but the boots kept my feet warm. Almost too warm in fact. I took off the hat, and continued along the line of trees, searching for horse footprints. The snow was still pink from where my cousin had lain butchered in the snow. I avoided the spot with my eyes. How awful her last moments would have been. I took care to stay in the trees. A woman out late at night would not be taken kindly by the people in Ajerbae. Not kindly at all. On the other hand, what could I do? It wasn’t fair for the wolves to die when they didn’t do anything. There!

I scrambled over to a point in the snow where it had been mused by a large horse. They seemed to be overlapping another trail, and I figured it was classic of Windsor to just follow his steps back. Moron could get lost in any bit of wood I suppose.
I set off with the tracks, careful to step in their small gorge in the snow, so my own couldn’t be identified in the morning. The full moon cast enough light so that it was already day with stars, and the trees stood out in stark relief. It was magical, the forest at night. My father used to take me out hunting deer during this time, of course so no one would know about his daughter hunting, but those were good times.

I came across the first trap virtually straight away. It seemed as though Windsor didn’t even bother trying to hide it. He didn’t even wait a while before dumping it in a decent location in the woods. I took a nearby stick that had fallen from the trees and triggered the bear-maw styled trap. It creaked and snapped shut. I went on my way again, content with the fact that I at least had deterred one trapped wolf. The forest started on an incline, and I became warmer still in my many bundles. I lowered the scarf and stopped a minute before continuing up the hill, trying to cool off. The trees were tall and impressive this late in winter. Their bare branches scratched at the sky, trying their luck at capturing stars. The snow was even and hardly marred, except for the occasional bird or squirrel tracks. And, of course, the horse prints. The next trap was easy to spot too, only barely covered by a thin layer of snow brushed over it. I took another branch and snapped that one shut as well. I smiled to myself. I hardly ever felt really contributing to something, and it felt good to finally break out of the painful routine nowadays of stiff corsets and rules.
I continued on.

The gentle hill I had been climbing up now turned steeper, and became harder to follow the horse up the trail. I rested more and more, and began to sweat. Thankfully the next trap was near, but I had to snap that one by hand. But my father had taught me speed. We hadn’t actually trapped in a long time, since my mother started to pity the poor animals. Often we would wrap cloth around the teeth and simply let the bruised animal go. Sometimes we would spring the traps with our own hands as a game, and we got really good at it. My smile was detached, wondering at the memory of my father. This trap had no protective cloth, but still. I punched the trigger, and pulled my hand back. The trap snapped shut a moment latter. I still have it.

I slipped a few times as I marched up the rise, and for the first time I wondered how many traps that stupid Deputy could have set out. Breath became observable in front of me, like smoke. With the cold night’s air I had become a smoker. I had to work myself through a large snow drift, and the hill became steeper still. I concentrated solely on getting up the mountain, planting my feet and using both my hands to help me. How on earth could a horse get up this?
My foot slipped suddenly, and fear raced like electricity up my back. I tried to regain the footing but the frost had set in and everything was slippery and I fell-.

I remember everything flying past me, a magical contrasting blur of white and night. Rocks ground at my knees and my hands just couldn’t get a grip on the earth. I spotted a tree by the path. I rolled over onto my side and met the trunk with both my feet. I suppose in my head I knew something was wrong, but that was when I heard a crinch- of rusty jaws.

I woke up some time later. Where before I had been too hot, sweating, now the sweat had frozen and I was shivering. Pain arced up my leg to my back and into my brain. A rusty-iron taste entered my mouth, like someone had stuck a coin in it. The pain, the pain was so intense. It was cold and hot at the same time, making it hard to keep my eyes open, or even to think. I cried out, but knew no one could hear me this far into the woods. My heart tumbled back down the rest of the hill as I realized I was lost.

I sat there a long while, not thinking much of anything. I was in too much pain, and too cold to think of my chances of surviving. I knew now I had fallen into one of Windsor’s traps. It hurt like crazy, the fact that Windsor would be the one to discover me like this. Like this or dead, as chances went. Either way, he would probably laugh and shake his head at the silly girl. But at that moment though, I would have had his touch than no ones. I dared peek at my leg, and found it bleeding gradually into the snow. My cousin’s hand, the blood carving at the crisp white.
I set my head back, shivering again. The trembling caused even more pain in my legs.

It was unreal. How stupid was I? How stupid? I took a shaky breath and wiped away the moisture that had amassed in the corner of my eyes. This was ridiculous. Everything hurt. Everything was cold.

“Help,” I said feebly to the night sky, knowing nothing would answer.

I gritted my teeth and sat up, nearly blacking out. Carefully I looked around. The downward slope was still steep. The trees leaned precariously on the hillside, keeping themselves carefully balanced. Hopeless. I swallowed, and tried to lift my other leg to brace against the tree. Perhaps this would ease some of the pressure… Ow! Pain raced through that leg and into the other foot. It was like my leg had fallen asleep times a thousand. I couldn’t move any muscle in that limb whatsoever without some pain. This meant no moving the other leg as well. When I sat back, I noticed the cold had seeped into the back of my jacket. My face felt frozen enough to fall off. My toes could still move, though for however long I didn’t know. I pulled my gloves off a bit so that I could make my hands into fists, slowly, and warmed up the tips of my numb fingers. I sniffed.

The growl took me completely by surprise, and I jumped. Once again white hot/cold pain shot through my body, and my heart leaped painfully. My eyes immediately found the source. It was a wolf. An enormous wolf, about twelve hands high. It was lanky and its fur wasn’t as thick as healthy dog’s. Its face was also a bit squat, the nose not reaching the proportion of regular wolves. All at once I gasped, both in pain, perception, and surprise. Perhaps it was a wolf killing, just a very sick one. One that’s not right in its mind, perhaps. I tried to sit up, but the pain was too great. I cursed aloud, and stared into the wolf’s eyes. It stared back, fearless.

“Please don’t eat me,” The plea came from nowhere and seemingly went the same direction.

The wolf didn’t move, just swished its short tail from side to side. Then it began to circle me, watching me just as warily as I watched it. Its long legs made walking a task as simple as breathing. No doubt it could run me down, even with two good legs. Then the legs scissored toward me suddenly, and it growled. I shifted anxiously. Chances are being eaten would be much more painful than freezing to death. Its ochre eyes flashed, then it prowled over to my leg, which was still slowly bleeding. The strange dog sniffed it. I thought about hitting the wolf, to scare it off, but I knew it would do no good.

Something of that size would just retaliate.

The dog took the end of the trap in its jaws, very deliberately, very gently, and squeezed. I realized in an instant it was trying to trigger the release on the trap, the next moment I shrieked. Pain shot up my leg, and the wolf let go. We both knew that any attempts to move the leg were hopeless. The wolf looked at the trap a long time, then it looked at me. It blinked, eyes the color of molten gold shining, and it was gone. Magnificently, regally, it turned and ran down the path, supposedly the way it had come.

“Wait,” I called after it, but the wolf paid no mind. The beautiful creature disappeared down the mountain, a streak of silver. It was beautiful, the way it ran. Not deformed at all, I realized. I lost the dog amongst the black-lighting shapes of tree branches. I sat back, resigning myself to wait and freeze to death, now that I wouldn’t have a companion, or at least a murderer.

I waited only a short while though. I heard gunshots. Pop pop pop, of a revolver, then the whooaar of a shotgun. I looked down the mountain in surprise, hardly daring to believe it. Sure enough, the wolf had returned, with pursuers. I heard shouts of hunters, and the beat of chase-maddened hooves. The wolf was up the mountain and past me in the blink of an eye, disappearing in the shadows that played on the ground. The horsemen, among them the codgers of the town Victor and Sam, stopped about a hundred yards below me. I started to yell, “Hey! HEEYYYY!!!” Desperate and wild with fear that they wouldn’t find me. I saw Victor’s hat turn up toward my direction, was his horse kicked towards me.
Latina est TUMOROSUS senes ita sortem.




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Hi again!

I absolutely loved this chapter - it had a lot more about the thoughts and motives of Dandelion, and I felt more like she was a real person, which added a lot of color and depth to the story. She seems compassionate and courageous, but not to the point of blind stupidity, and I can relate to her very well.

Since I couldn't really find any big problems here, I've resorted to lots of fearsome nitpicking (roar!). Here are the things I spotted:

I was decent at sewing. I do improper sentences like this next one all the time, but this one seems a little awkward to me. Perhaps a semicolon, instead of a period between the two sentences, would work better. By no means a professional, but I could hold my own and <was> interested in it enough to constitute joining.


Only my eyes showed as I set off into the woods. The deputy would have come into this side of the forest anyway, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find his tracks. The snow was oppressive on my legs as I walked, but the boots kept my feet warm. Almost too warm in fact. I took off the hat, and continued along the line of trees, searching for horse footprints. The snow was still pink from where my cousin had lain butchered in the snow. I avoided the spot with my eyes. How awful her last moments would have been. At this next sentence I would begin a new paragraph, since the subject is changing.

I took care to stay in the trees. A woman out late at night would not be taken kindly by the people in Ajerbae. Not kindly at all. On the other hand, what could I do? It wasn’t fair for the wolves to die when they didn’t do anything.

There! Personal preference this time, but I'd put the word 'there' in its own paragraph - it makes it seem more sudden and eureka-like. Also, if it's a thought, then in general thoughts should usually be italicized or something. (At least, in my opinion.)


My father used to take me out hunting deer during this time <season>, of course so no one would know about his daughter hunting, but those were good times.
Somehow, this sentence seems disconnected and wrong. I'm not exactly an expert, but I think something in there isn't grammatically correct.


It was lanky and its fur wasn’t as thick as <a> healthy dog’s. Its face was also a bit squat, the nose not reaching the proportion of regular wolves<-- wolf's. All at once I gasped, both in pain, perception, and surprise. Perhaps it was a wolf killing, just a very sick one. What??? A very sick wolf is what I assume you meant. This wolf killing sentence came out of nowhere, and for a second I didn't realize that you were referring to a past event, not the current point of the story. It was a little confusing, so you may want to make sure that the reader can follow more easily next time.


No doubt it could run me down, even with two good legs. How about 'if I had two good legs? Keep in mind that the wolf was the main subject of the sentence, so it's assumed that you were referring to it.


Chances are<-- were being eaten would be much more painful than freezing to death. Its ochre eyes flashed, then it prowled over to my leg, which was still slowly bleeding. The strange dog (dog?? That's a different animal - try canine or wolf) sniffed it.


I started to yell, “Hey! HEEYYYY!!!” Desperate and wild with fear that they wouldn’t find me. Two options here - one is that you meant to put a comma after 'me' and accidentally pressed the period key, which would mean this is nothing but a typo. The other is that you meant to have 'desperate and wild with fear' in the same sentence, which means that you shouldn't have capitalized 'desperate'. As it's written now, 'Desperate and wild with fear that they wouldn't find me' is a fragment sentence without a subject or main verb. I saw Victor’s hat turn up toward my direction, was I think 'was' was a typo and was supposed to be 'as'. his horse kicked towards me.


But at that moment<,> though, I would rather have had his touch than no one<'>s.


My cousin’s hand <flashed into my mind's eye>, the blood carving at the crisp white. This is a fragment sentence lacking a main verb, which threw me off enough to prevent me from realizing that you were comparing the site of the cousin's death with Dandelion's leg.


“Help,” I said feebly to the night sky, knowing nothing would answer.
No error here, I just had to say that for some reason I really, really loved that sentence! :D


Another thing I noticed several times was a lack of commas. For some reason, it never seems like anyone uses commas like they should anymore. A good rule of thumb is to imagine someone saying the sentence out loud, and anywhere that there's a slight pause, you should put a comma. (example: "Oh dear Silvia, I seem to have run out of black thread- may I borrow yours?” should be "Oh dear(comma), Silvia, I seem to be out of black thread - may I borrow yours?"

However, this is an amazing piece! The only reason there's more negative in this review than positive is that bad things need correction; good things don't. I love the wolf - I'm sure I'll be seeing more of it later- and your style and desxriptions were wonderful. Consider me a fan!
"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"
-Fahrenheit 451




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really good story, Have me keen to find out what happens next. The whole thing of her trying to set of the traps only to get stuck in one. Then your wondering why the wolf tried to help instead of just eating here. You leave the chapter with that whole thing of what will happen to here when they find her?, Will the wolf come back?, Where did it come from? etc. I really enjoyed it.
"Live in the present, remember the past and fear not the future, for it doesn't exist and never shall. There is only now."
Saphira

"That's the spirit. One part courage. Three parts fool"
Brom




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Hey! I'm back for another review! :D I aplogize in advance for my nitpicky-ness, and for the fact that my review is freakishly long.

I found out the next day at the Monday sewing circle what the men’s plans were, from their wives.

Nothing wrong with this, really - I just think that the order of things in this sentence sounds a little off. Maybe it would sound better if it was I found out from the women at the Monday sewing circle what their husbands' plans were or something like that.

I was decent at sewing. By no means a professional, but I could hold my own and interested in it enough to constitute joining.

The second sentence is a fragment, and it sounds clunky. Either join the two sentences with a semi-colon or begin the second sentence with I was by no means a professional...etc.

Besides, I liked the older women better than the ones of my own of late teens.

I think it would work better if it was of my own age (late teens) instead. Your choice, but either way, cut out the second "of" - that's a mistake.

“Oh dear Silvia, I seem to have run out of black thread- may I borrow yours?”

The fact that this quote is untagged (you don't say who says it) is a little confusing. At first, I thought it was the narrator talking, but as I read on, I saw that this clearly wasn't the case. At any rate, you should probably add something along the lines of one of the women said before or after the quote.

Probably more you than I, I mused.

Sounds awkward - rephrase, please.

“Fine, fine,” Stacy went on to prattle about how she came to choose the cloth for it, which somehow also relative to this morning when she found a dead mouse in the cabinet.

I think you meant somehow also relatedto...etc.

Meanwhile I was thinking. Those poor wolves…

Change that period to a semi-colon or a dash, since the next sentence is a continuation of the first.

My mind whirred, and the more spontaneous side of my personality started to think. If that damned Deputy was setting traps, I could very easily spring them.

Same note as above.

I could sneak out and wear my father’s old pants and boots to keep warm even.

The "even" was a bit unnecessary.

There was no way I going to let a stupid man screw with a bunch of innocent wolves.

Considering the time period (or what I can make of it) in which this story is set, I don't know if the phrase "to screw with" would be used... I don't know, that's not really a big criticism, it just took me out of the story for a moment.

The deputy would have come into this side of the forest anyway, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find his tracks.

You pulled out of the past tense for a moment, there. Try shouldn't have been...etc. instead.

I scrambled over to a point in the snow where it had been mused by a large horse.

I think you meant "mussed" :)

They seemed to be overlapping another trail, and I figured it was classic of Windsor to just follow his steps back.

This sounds kind of awkward. Maybe you could mention that the other trail was comprised of the same prints, making it look like he had backtracked. Otherwise, Dandelion's sudden jumpt to the conclusion that Windsor was backtracking seems a little odd and out-of-the-blue.

The full moon cast enough light so that it was already day with stars, and the trees stood out in stark relief.

First highlight: maybe you meant it was like day with stars? It sounds clunky and a little unclear as is.
Second highlight: I think you meant stark contrast.

My father used to take me out hunting deer during this time, of course so no one would know about his daughter hunting,but those were good times.

The sentence flows better without those little additions.

The trees were tall and impressive this late in winter. Their bare branches scratched at the sky, trying their luck at capturing stars. The snow was even and hardly marred, except for the occasional bird or squirrel tracks. And, of course, the horse prints.

Mmm, lovely imagery, there. You've made this forest sound so beautiful!

But my father had taught me speed.

In context, the "but" doesn't make sense ("but I had to snap that one by hand, BUT my father had taught me speed"... it sounds awkward). Maybe thankfully my father had...etc.?

Often we would wrap cloth around the teeth and simply let the bruised animal go.

Then what's the point of setting the traps?

My smile was detached, wondering at the memory of my father.

"Wondering" doesn't sound like the right word here...

Breath became observable in front of me, like smoke. With the cold night’s air I had become a smoker.

It's a bit repetitive.

My foot slipped suddenly, and fear raced like electricity up my back.

I love this line. :D

I remember everything flying past me, a magical contrasting blur of white and night. Rocks ground at my knees and my hands just couldn’t get a grip on the earth. I spotted a tree by the path. I rolled over onto my side and met the trunk with both my feet. I suppose in my head I knew something was wrong, but that was when I heard a crinch- of rusty jaws.

Again, great!!

But at that moment though, I would have had his touch than no ones.

Strikethrough: it's redundant, since you've already started the sentence with "but".
Highlight: I think you meant would rather have had...etc.

My toes could still move, though for however long I didn’t know.

It sounds better that way.

Once again white hot/cold pain shot through my body,

Pick a temperature, please. The slash seems clunky and detracts from the action.

The strange dog sniffed it.

Just call it a wolf.

The dog took the end of the trap in its jaws,

Same note as above.

I realized in an instant it was trying to trigger the release on the trap, the next moment I shrieked.

Two things; one, try and I shrieked instead of "the next moment I shrieked". Two... why is she shrieking? The wolf is helping her, as she's already deduced.

I sat back, resigning myself to wait and freeze to death, now that I wouldn’t have a companion, or at least a murderer.

I would cut the highlighted bit if I were you, but it's not necessary. At any rate, you should probably change it to even if it was a murderer. The way you have it makes it sound like she doesn't care that the wolf is dangerous and probably killed her cousin at all.

I waited only a short while though. I heard gunshots. Pop pop pop, of a revolver, then the whooaar of a shotgun.

You should italicize the sound effects.

The horsemen, among them the codgers of the town Victor and Sam,

The part I crossed out was unnecessary.

I saw Victor’s hat turn up toward my direction, was his horse kicked towards me.

Huh? Was the "was" supposed to be another "saw"?

All in all, a very exciting and enjoyable installment - I really like the way you described the forest, as well as Dandelion's fall and the pain she was going through. The scene with the wolf was also very well done. Your biggest problem seems to be grammar, but other than that, this is a really great story. I'm thoroughly enjoying myself with it!
"Children see magic because they look for it."
- Christopher Moore



"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— Albus Dumbledore