Just one more day.

Sitting sadly upon my bed
Listening to the wild wind blow,
Crying bitterly behind my hair
Trying not to let it show.

Knowing that you won't be back
You left without good-bye's,
Never to mend my broken heart
Letting loose my cries.

Everyday I waited
And everyday I prayed,
Hoping the lord would leave you here
At least just one more day.

Beautiful poem !

Short and sweet !

Keep up the good work !

Wow this is really awesome. I like

Wow this is really awesome. I like

Short and simple, but you still manage to get the point across. The ending was nicely rounded off, and the flow was smooth and readable. I especially liked the first verse...

Sitting sadly upon my bed
Listening to the wild wind blow,
Crying bitterly behind my hair
Trying not to let it show.

This paints a clear image, like a window into the girl's world. The second line was one of my favorites, nice description!
My only things was maybe this piece could have a little more originality, to set it apart from so many other broken-hearted poems. Something to make it unique and memorable. But, still, a nice piece. Overall, good job! Keep it up!

<..> Kat

I like this poem, and it was really cute and the rhyme was good. I think the end should of had a rhyme to finish it all off though and I agree with KatarinaLatisse

Zwinky wrote:My only things was maybe this piece could have a little more originality, to set it apart from so many other broken-hearted poems. Something to make it unique and memorable.

I like the way you summed up the theme of this poem and the emotions into a shorter, but still very clear message.

Sitting sadly upon my bed[I know it's hard with poems, but perhaps you could show us the sadness instead of telling us?]
Listening to the wild wind blow,
Crying bitterly behind my hair
Trying not to let it show.

Knowing that you won't be back
You left without good-bye's,
Never to mend my broken heart[This part was just a tad confusing to me at first, but I got it when I read it a second time]
Letting loose my cries.

Everyday I waited
And everyday I prayed,
Hoping the lord would leave you here
At least [I don't think you need this here.]just one more day.[Really nice ending. I think you finished this off really well]

Well, I think you did a really good job on this poem. The flow was nice and the emotions were easily conveyed, not forced onto the page. Great job!
~Tayla

hey, realy good poem i liked the second and third stanza the best, i hope you post some more!

lolacherrycola..
your poem was very good, but could need some improvements in the following:

sitting sadly upon my bed -instead of the word 'sitting,' you could say crouchin' on ma toot's.
Listening to the wild wind blow, -instead of 'listening,' maybe ear trusting
Crying bitterly behind my hair -instead of 'crying,' you could say eye cream.
Trying not to let it show. -this verse however was quite appealing to my eye balls.


so therefore.. your poem would go like this:
Crouching on my toots sadly upon my bed
ear trusting the wild wind blow,
eye creaming bitterly behind my hair
Trying not to let it show.
etc.

your sincerely, mrpunctuation

I really like this poem, the punctuation and capitalism are used very well also.
I really couldn't suggest what would be needed to improve it. Although I'm not a big fan of short poems etc. I really appreciate it. As another person said up there ^^ it's short and sweet.

,WritingAway

Miss lolacherrycola!!! You told me you couldn't write!!!
I love it - short and sweet and lovely.
Perhaps TaylaChase was right about not needing those two words in the second and fourth lines of the last stanza - it might help the flow of it.
Good job!
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