Darker Lies-Chapter 1

"BRYLEIGH NICOLE! ARE YOU AWAKE YET?"
I woke with a start to Aunt Jersey yelling from the base of the stares. I glanced at the Hello Kitty clock on my nightstand and swore, I was an hour late. I scrambled out of bed and called back, "Yeah, I'm up!". I got dressed in a hurry, throwing on a some-what-clean pare of jeans and black tank top. I yanked my brown hair into a messy bun, not bothering to brush out the hated curls, and hurried down stairs. My aunt looked close to having a panic attack sometime soon, still in pajamas, hair in a pony tail, no makeup, while she did the dishes. "Your late," She muttered, glaring at me over she shoulder as i sat down to eat my breakfast. Aunt Jersey had made eggs, which where now cold, and toast, also cold, for breakfast. "Sorry," I said, unsure that was the rig answer. She slammed something down onto the counter, and wired to glower at me. "I can't take it any longer! Can you do anything right, Bryleigh?" She said, her voice nearing a yell, making me wince. I had never been close to my aunt, and it just got worse when she came to live with use after my mothers death four years ago. She always blamed me and Amyra, my baby sister, for moms death and constantly reminded me of it. Dad worked most of the time so aunt Jersey came to stay with us and take care of Amyra who was almost one when our mom died.
Sighing, I stood up, mumbling something about school. "No breakfast?" My aunt called as i hurried back up stairs. "Not hungry." I called back. I pulled my favorite jacket on, white and cover with colorful patterns, and slung my backpack over my shoulder. After brushing my teeth I ran down the hallway to my dads office. He was sitting in his chair, Amyra in his lap as he worked. "Bye, dad. I'm off to school." I said as i kissed his cheek, and ruffled my sisters curly brown hair. "Bye Myra," I added. "Have a good day, sweetie." Dad called as i left his office.
"Brya!" I heard a cute familiar voice say, only seconds before Amyra's little hand wrapped around my wrist. I picked up my little sister, walking back down stairs. "Yes, Myra baby?" I asked her.
"Please, don't leave." She begged. I sighed, knowing exactly why she didn't want me to go. Aunt Jersey was taking her to get her chickenpox shot today and the four-year-old hated ever being alone with our aunt. "Sorry, Kiddo. Your on your own this time. But you'll be fine." I told her, putting her down on the couch. "Brya! No!" She wailed as i walked out the door. I had to run the two blocks down the street to the bus stop, where Olivia James, my best friend, danced impatiently for me. "Finally." she whined. "I though you where gonna ditched. Would-a been pissed if you hadn't invited me." She babbled on. Olivia had a talent for non-stop talking, I called it the Livie-Babble. I ignored her constant talking, and scouted for the bus instead.
"Bryleigh, are you even listening to me?" Olivia snapped after a minute or two. "Of course." I lied, smiling sweetly at her. Crossing her arms, she pouted. "Sorry," I sighed. "Just have a lot on my mind."
She was a bout to say something, but the bus rounded the corner and screeched to a stop in front of us.
-xxx-
I sat in the way-to-small bus seat, squished between Olivia and Conner Peterson. Conner is my other best friend, he has lank sandy blond hair that hangs in his face and purple eyes that hide behind glasses. He looked like the type of boy you would expect to see in the chess club, but he was on the school basketball team. "Hey. Why so quite today, Baby girl?" Conner ask when we got to the school. "She has a lot on her mind." Olivia mocked, brushing past us. Conner sighed and said, "Ignore Liv. You know how the 'Princess' is." He said, making air quotes when he said Princess. I forced a laugh. Conner was such a great guy and I'd known him since i had moved to San Francisco in second grade. Mom used to call him my boyfriend and say we would get married. Of course I never dated him, the thought was just weird, and I knew Olivia liked him.
Conner walked me to my locker and hugged me before he set off for his own locker, just like he had done everyday since we where in sixth grade.

Ok Lady RaRa, so I'm here to follow up on reading the prologue.

"BRYLEIGH NICOLE! ARE YOU AWAKE YET?" Again, should it be all caps?
I woke with a start to Aunt Jersey yelling from the base of the stares should be 'stairs'. I glanced at the Hello Kitty clock on my nightstand and swore, I was an hour late. Okay, you had me laughing at this part. So she's the kind of girl that has a hello kitty clock and yet she swears just because she's going to be late? It's kind of a contrast in character but still passes as believable lol.
I scrambled out of bed and called back you don't even need this dialog tag it just makes it choppy, "Yeah, I'm up!". I got dressed in a hurry, throwing on a some-what-clean pare pair of jeans and black tank top. I yanked my brown hair into a messy bun, not bothering to brush out the hated curls, and hurried down stairs. My aunt looked close to having a panic attack sometime soon, still in pajamas, hair in a pony tail, no makeup, while she did the dishes. Start a new paragraph when the aunt starts speaking "Your should be You're late," She 'she' should be lower case muttered, glaring at me over she her shoulder as i needs to be uppercase sat down to eat my breakfast. Aunt Jersey had made eggs, which where should be 'were' now cold, and toast, also cold, for breakfast. Remember to start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking. I won't mention it again, but keep an eye out for it. "Sorry," I said, unsure that was the rig did you mean to say 'right'? answer.
She slammed something down onto the counter, and wired to glower at me. This is a weird sentence. First, you should tell us what she slammed, and second saying "wired" really slows down the flow and confuses the reader.
"I can't take it any longer! Can I would use 'can't' you do anything right, Bryleigh?" She she said, her voice nearing a yell, making me wince. I had never been close to my aunt, and it just had only gotten worse when she came to live with use should be 'us' after my mother's death four years ago. She always blamed me and Amyra, my baby sister, for moms death and constantly reminded me of it. Why would someone blame two kids for their mom's death? Perhaps you do on to describe why later but right now that seems a little extreme with no explanation. Dad worked most of the time so aunt Jersey came to stay with us and take care of Amyra who was almost one when our mom died.
Sighing, I stood up, mumbling something about school. "No breakfast?" Whoa, what happened here? One second the aunt is screaming at her and angry and the next she's worried why she doesn't want her breakfast? The switch is way too sudden making it awkward. My should be lowercase aunt called as i I hurried back up stairs. "Not hungry.should be a comma here" I called back. I pulled my favorite jacket on, white and covered with colorful patterns, and slung my backpack over my shoulder. After brushing my teeth I ran down the hallway to my dads office. He was sitting in his chair, Amyra in his lap as he worked. "Bye, dad. I'm off to school.comma here, not a period" I said as i I kissed his cheek, no comma here and ruffled my sisters curly brown hair. "Bye Myra," I added. "Have a good day, sweetie. comma here" Dad called as i I left his office.
"Brya!" I heard a cute familiar voice say, only seconds before Amyra's little hand wrapped her hand is too small to wrap around her older sister's wrist, try using a different word to describe what she did around my wrist. I picked up my little sister her up, walking back down stairs. "Yes, Myra baby?" I asked her.
"Please, don't leave." She lowercase begged. I sighed, knowing exactly why she didn't want me to go. Aunt Jersey was taking her to get her chickenpox shot today and the four-year-old hated everbeing alone with our aunt. "Sorry, Kiddo. Your You're on your own this time. But you'll be fine." I told her, putting her down on the couch. "Brya! No!" She wailed as i walked out the door. Start a new paragraph here I had to run the two blocks down the street to the bus stop, where Olivia James, my best friend, danced impatiently for me. "Finally. comma here" she whined. "I thought you where gonna ditched. Would-a been pissed if you hadn't invited me." She babbled on. Olivia had a talent for non-stop talking, I called it the Livie-Babble. I ignored her constant talking, and scouted for the bus instead. She woke up an hour late and she still made it in time to wait around for the bus???
"Bryleigh, are you even listening to me?" Olivia snapped after a minute or two. "Of course." I lied, smiling sweetly at her. Crossing her arms, she pouted. "Sorry," I sighed. "Just have a lot on my mind."
She was a bout one word, about to say something, but the bus rounded the corner and screeched to a stop in front of us.
-xxx-
I sat in the way-to-small bus seat, squished between Olivia and Conner Peterson. Conner is my other best friend, he has lank sandy blond hair that hangs in his face and purple eyes that hide behind glasses Purple eyes, really? . He looked like the type of boy you would expect to see in the chess club, but he was on the school basketball team. "Hey. Why so quite should be quiet today, Baby girl?" Conner asked when we got to the school. "She has a lot on her mind." Olivia mocked, brushing past us. Conner sighedand said, "Ignore Liv. You know how the 'Princess' is." He said, making air quotes when he said Princess. I forced a laugh. Conner was such a great guy and I'd known him since i had moved to San Francisco in second grade. Mom used to call him my boyfriend and say we would get married. Of course I never dated him, the thought was just weird, and I knew Olivia liked him.
Conner walked me to my locker and hugged me before he set off for his own locker, just like he had done everyday since we where in sixth grade.

Ok, so there are a lot of punctuation and grammar errors here. Because of the errors it really slows the story down. So an average teenager with no mom, going to school with her best friends, one of which she has a crush on but her best friend likes him. Can you even get any more cliche? You're here at the first chapter and I'm still not pulled in, there isn't really any reason to go on. I mean I sympathize for your protagonist and I actually like the way you have developed her but there isn't any plot or pull to the story, something to keep the pages turning. I'm sure your story has a plot and potential so maybe try rewriting the first chapter to pull us into that plot and intrigue us, make us want to read more. You definitely have potential here, so work with it and I'll keep reading for now, hoping things might pick up the pace lol.

~Dakota Knight