Spoiler
This was a story I started writing a couple months ago, and that I recently started working on again. I'd like some opinions, and would really like to get some ideas on how to improve the opening line, because I am not impressed with the current one. Thanks for reading!
The early morning sun was slowly creeping up over the rocky walls of the large cavern. Sadly for the inhabitant of this cavern, she was not awoken by the gentle, glowing sphere above her, but by a much less calm being.
A woman in her early thirties began to roam around the room, where the young girl slept, searching for something. She stopped when her eyes caught sight of something that shouldn't have been there. "Ophelia! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times!"
Ophelia rolled over and rubbed her sleepy blue eyes. Even though she could not see through her own half closed eye lids, she could tell the woman was angry. "What did I do this time?" She moaned, her voice still sounding weak and tired.
"Where did you get this book?" The woman, Ophelia's nurse, asked sternly, holding up a pretty blue book with gold writing on it. There was nothing evil about this particular book. Nothing inappropriate, nothing corrupt, nothing bad in any way.
"The shelf." Ophelia said bluntly, drawing back the bed curtains. "What are you so upset about? It is only a book, I do not plan to do anything that the main character of it does!"
"I should hope not!"
"I could never let my hair grow to the length of hers!" The young princess giggled, stretching, and sliding out of bed. She pulled the book from her nurses hand, and ran her thin fingers along the gold writing. "Rapunzel, Deeda, really? You're upset that I'm reading Rapunzel?"
Deeda though, did not find the young girls humour amusing in any way. A stern look crossed her aging face. "I am being quite serious, Miss Ophelia."
"Oh, Deeda, don't be so foolish. You don't seriously expect me to leave, do you? I've been in this cavern since I was fourteen years old, and I rather like it here." The princess replied, pulling her nightcap off, letting her long, waist-length brown hair fall down in uneven waves. "It's serene, except when you're yelling at me, it's quiet, except, you know, when you're yelling at me, and it's very easy to concentrate, except, when, well, you understand where I am headed with this."
Deeda sighed, and sat down on the bed. "I know my dear, I know. I just worry some times. You'll be seventeen in a few short months. You're becoming old enough to make your own decisions, and I don't want you to make the wrong ones." Deeda sighed. "Like leaving, giving up all we've worked for these past two years."
"I won't Dee! You have to trust me on this. I'm not Rapunzel, and your not an evil witch trapping me here. I'm here on my own free will, you know that." Ophelia assured, hugging her nurse tightly. "Please, please don't worry Deeda. This will all work out. Alexander and I will be married, happily ever after. Just like a fairy tale."
"I suppose you're right." Deeda sighed. Ophelia had always been so dedicated, but still, it wasn't impossible that a flighty, adventurous phase would destroy such a well thought out plan.
"I know I'm right. Now stop scowling, you're causing your skin to wrinkle. If you don't stop that, you'll be an old hag well before you're years." Ophelia said brightly, giving the woman one last hug before standing up, and walking over to her dresser, to find her clothes for the day. She then hid behind a dressing curtain, carelessly throwing her nightclothes over it. "So, how much longer will you be staying?"
Deeda sighed, afraid to be the bearer of bad news. "A few more hours, at the very most. I'm afraid my frequent visits have aroused some suspicion around the castle, and I will no doubt be monitored these next few weeks. Two, at the most."
"Two? You expect me to spend an entire fortnight in utter solitude? I may gone insane from the silence!" Ophelia yelled from behind her curtain.
"Oh, calm yourself child! You'll be fine for the next fortnight!"
Deeda stood up, and carefully scooped up a tiny, sleeping fur ball from the top of the wardrobe. "Look, you have you're little chipmunk to keep you company!"
Ophelia peeked out over the side of the curtain. "Deeda, Lissa is a squirrel, and if you call her a chipmunk while she's awake, I can guarantee that you'll get more than a little nip."
Deeda nervously put the sleeping squirrel back on her perch, and wondered if Ophelia was telling the truth, or creating an outlandish lie. The nurse decided on the latter, squirrels didn't know the difference between themselves and chipmunks... Did they?
"Lovely..." She murmured to herself, shaking her head. "Ophelia?"
"Yes Dee?"
"I'm going to start going now. Analie requested to speak with me, first thing tomorrow morning. I'll never make it back in time if I don't leave now."
"But you said a few hours!"
"That was before I realized the day wasn't so young."
"But Dee!" Ophelia cried, stomping her way to the certain of the room. Before Deeda could scold her, Ophelia realized her mistake, and attempted to regain her composure. "I'm sorry Deeda, that was childish of me."
To Ophelia's surprise, the nurse didn't scold her, or even give the slightest hint of being upset. In fact, her reaction was quite the opposite. She smiled. "My darling, I promise I will be back soon. I love you."
"I love you too."
Detendra took hold of the girl, held her close and gave her a soft kiss the on top of her head. "It's only two weeks. And soon, within the next few months, if things go as I planned, I'll bring Alexander."
"And I'll go with you." The princess sighed dreamily.
"And the kingdom will rejoice for the return of it's lost princess." Detendra whispered gently, as if someone could hear her.
"And they'll insist that the princess marry the heroic blacksmith who rescued her. The handsome, dashing, brave Alexander Romanchi." Opehlia sighed dreamily, the thoughts of her precious 'prince charming' passing through her thoughts.
"And then?" Detendra asked, despite knowing the answer.
Ophelia squealed with delight. "And then they'll be married, and then we'll be married! Oh Deeda, I can't wait much longer!"
"I know. But Ophelia, we can't leave just yet, that would ruin everything. We have to wait until they are about to give up all hope."
The frustrated princess nodded, and rubbed her arm to comfort herself. "I know."
Deeda gave her a stern look as she spoke again. "My princess, you must not leave without me."
The girl noddded, and said that she agreed, but Deeda wasn't entirely sure. "Promise me?"
"I promise. I'll never leave."
