Keeper Chapter two

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As I walked home, I thought about everything that I had to get done before Aunt Sarah got home. A small pit formed in my stomach as I imagined the huge pile of dishes waiting for me. If only Aunt Sarah could help with something, I thought bitterly. Yeah, right. People will live on the moon before that happens- Aunt Sarah can’t even pay with her own money half the time.

I still remember the day I earned my first ten dollars. I had been helping Mrs. Jones next door all day, pulling weeds and planting flowers. When we were finished, she paid me for all my hard work; a ten dollar bill. I stared at it the whole way home, thinking of all the wonderful things I could buy.

Aunt Sarah confiscated it as soon as I walked through the door.

“I need it more than you,” Was her explanation. That night, I sneaked into her room to get my money back. It was gone- and in its place were a bag of chips, and a six pack of soda.

Sarah regrets having to take me in- she thought my mom would be back in no time. No more than a few years. Well, I guess that was a big disappointment for her. The older I got, the more resigned she got. She stopped putting in effort. I was left to fend for myself.

It’s a good thing I found Jessica and Maddie -Without them my life would have been really dull. They annoyed my aunt in a way that was amusing, but also dangerous because I got grounded a ton.

She’s never liked Maddie and Jess. I don’t know why. She’s tried to scare them away, but they held fast like superglue. I’m glad for that. I think deep down, I was always worried that someday they’ll have enough of me and my crazy aunt. But they’d probably laugh if I told them that.

I walked inside; the loud sound of the door slamming shut bringing me out of my thoughts. I pulled my boots off and then trudged slowly down the hallway to my room. The house was silent; Aunt Sarah didn’t get home until six, so I usually had the house to myself.

Throwing my backpack on the floor, I collapsed onto the bed. It had been a long day. I had tons of homework, dinner to make, and a house to clean. But right then I just wanted to fall asleep. Instead, I dragged myself back up. Deciding to start with straightening the house, I walked back down the hallway to the kitchen.

It was a mess, with the leftover of this morning’s breakfast still all over the table. I headed straight to the sink, and washed all the dishes. Leaving them drying on a towel laying on the counters, I turned back to the table. Using a washcloth I wiped it all down, scooping the eggs into the garbage. Then I swept the floor, and put the dishes away.

My phone vibrating interrupted my cleaning frenzy. I slipped it out of my back pocket, and flipped it open. It was a text from Jess, wondering when I was going to be done cleaning. Rolling my eyes, I texted back, Never. I smiled. That ought to stump her for a while, I thought.

Dinner. I remembered. I hurried back into the kitchen, and cracked open the fridge. I decided on spaghetti, something simple.

While the noodles and sauce cooked on the stove, I made a salad. Then I set the table for two, and strained the noodles. Soon, everything was ready, and I had a half an hour of time on my hands. I headed back to my room to start on homework.

All too soon, Aunt Sarah was home. The door slammed, and I heard her kicking her shoes off and thumping down the hallway to the kitchen.

“Did you make dinner?” She barked to me from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes.

“Yes, it’s on the table.” Like I don't make dinner every night. For a moment I wondered how she would survive without me being her personal slave.

I sighed, and put my book down; I couldn’t procrastinate any longer. Heading to the kitchen, I could already here her helping herself to the food. Pausing at the door, I took a deep breath before walking in. Aunt Sarah pretended not to notice me as I took a seat at the table- we ate in awkward silence for a few minutes.

She paused in her spaghetti, looking up at me with a scowl already on her face.
“This is terrible,” She said. Way to be blunt, I thought.

“I didn’t say you had to eat it,” I snapped at her. Any other night I would have just ignored it, but for some reason her comment really got to me. Widening her eyes at my reply, she reddened in anger.

“You don’t talk to me like that,” She said, poking her fork in my direction. Shoving the rest of dinner in my mouth, I stood up and went into the kitchen.

Washing my dishes furiously, I made a list of reasons in my head of why I shouldn’t react to Aunt Sarah. For one, she’ll end up grounding me, I thought. I’ll get lectured for an hour, and assigned extra chores, and have to pay for the groceries out of my own budget, the list went on and on. I tried to listen to common sense, but one big part of me just wanted to go back to Aunt Sarah and rant and rave at her until she melted into a little puddle of sewer water.

* * * * * *

Fifteen minutes later, I was done cleaning up dinner. Tiptoeing up to my bedroom, I got ready for bed- pajamas and all. Pulling my favorite book off of the shelf, I got under the covers and dived into the story. Soon I was lost in the world of Harry Potter, my mind for once stuck on wizards and magic; not how well I mopped the dining room floor.

An hour later, I closed my book, shut off the flashlight, and slowly drifted off to sleep-a sleep filled with yelling Sarahs floating all over, and my math teacher holding up my book and shaking his head; and a door. Not just any door… a glowing door-A door that was calling me to it. “Come,” It seemed to whisper straight into my brain. “Come, and see... Come, and find out who you really are.” I tried running towards it, straining to get there before it disappeared. I stretched out my hand, and it almost brushed the faded, knobby wood of the door. I tried to grasp the handle, but it was too late. The door was fading away, the glow dimming. “Come,” It beckoned again. “Come…”
Last edited by reaganpark on Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
WE ARE DAUGHTERS of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.




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First off I wanted to say that I didn't find any grammaratical errors that(Im not the best with grammar however). Second thing is that the beginnig is pretty cool with the main character living a sort of don't-know-my-parents-living-a-cinderella-life-style. The story also makes the Aunt a sort of lazy,annoying person.
What happened to her mom though? Did she die, dissappear in one of the portals, or do we figure out later in the series?
We've all been sorry. We've all been hurt. How we survive is what makes us who we are.
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Hello Reagan, it's me again. ;)

Sarah was always complaining about how I made things harder for her- *space* how I still do.

Again, make sure you make a space.
I’ve never been given a special birthday gift from her- *space* I didn't think she ever even realized it was my birthday until it was over.

And again...
I thought Sarah regretted having to take me in- she thought my mom would be back in no time. No more than a few years. Well, I guessed that was a big disappointment for her!

It was a good thing I found Jessica and Ethan-Without them my life would have been really dull. They annoyed my aunt in a way that was amusing, but also dangerous because I got grounded a ton.

She was never liked Ethan and Jess. I didn't know why. She tried to scare them away, but they hold fast like superglue. I was glad for that. I thought deep down, I was always worried that someday they’ll have enough of me and my crazy aunt. But they’d probably laugh if I told them that.

Aunt Sarah didn't get home until 6, so I usually had the house to myself.

It was a mess, with the leftover of this morning's breakfast still all over the table.

6:30. I replied.

Dinner comma, I thought, remembering.

I headed back to my room to started on my homework.

An hour and 45 min later, we were done, Ethan was gone, and I was on my bed comma, reading.

Seemed pretty early, right? Well, I liked sleeping, and I liked being able to get up in the morning. Also, it would be a little hard to clean up the house if I would be knocked out on the couch every afternoon.

Of course he’s gone. He left a half hour ago. You’d know if you hadn’t been glued to the TV for three hours.

It's in italics because it's a direct thought.
Getting buried under the warm covers and losing myself in a good book was just one of the ways I liked to get away from the world.


The whole beginning, I'm not a fan of. It feels like you've put all the story on hold in order to tell us your story, and I don't like that. Also, it's a different style then the rest of the story, since the MC is talking directly to the reader instead of just narrating.
What life, you ask?

This part I don't like.

Also, there's verb tense mistakes. Make sure you read through your story before you post it. :)

There's the flow again, but since I already told you that in the last chapter, I'm not going to repeat it all. And the same goes for the commas/ periods after dialogue.

I really liked the whole thing with the door in her dreams. A little mystery. ;) It was good overall. The story is coming along great.

I think this is all for this chapter!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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