I wish

I wish I could go back to when I was a child,
to when I felt at ease with this world.

I wish I could say I love you sincerely
and be unafraid of the consequences.

As I reminisce myself of those memories,
a sense of melancholy obscures such moment;
I realize there is no going back to that state.

That odour ...
it took me back for an instant,
I saw myself, so pure so free
but then again I realize it is all part of my imagination.

I wish I could go back in time
and jump between their wings,
and believe a protective shield surrounded me.

I wish I could look at the world with such naivity;
as I grasp that memory, I give a smile.

I really like this! I can personally relate to your topic. It's very real and perfect to convey in a poem.

I like your structure and description, I just have a couple things I'd like to point out.

to when I felt at ease with such world.

I feel like you should change "such" world to "this" or something else like that. When you say "such" it sounds like you're already talked about a world..when you've talked about a time period. Kind of trivial, but came to my attention

I wish I could say I love you sincerily

Spelled "sincerely".

As I reminish myself of those memories,

I assume you mean "reminisce"?

I realise there is no going back to that state.

Spelled "realize" and I'd say "this" state instead of "that".

I saw myself, so pure so free
but then again I realise it is all part of my imagination.

I feel like there should be a comma or semicolon between these two lines.

I wish I could go back in time
and jump between their wings,
and believe a protective shield surrounded me.

This is my favorite stanza

Overall I liked your poem, just a couple minor spelling and grammar changes you should watch out for, but that's nothing a little proof-read or spell check can't fix

If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Keep writing!

<3 Sara.

Hi, I do apologize for the spelling mistakes, after all I wrote the poem in the moment as you can see but I really appreciate the comment; also when I said "that state" I meant going back to my infancy ...to conclude thank you .

I can relate very very well. So first off, excellent job in explaining everything will such simplicity that I could relate.

Second off, I love the second stanza of this poem. I'm sure many people have felt this way. I know I have. But I've never been able to put the feeling down into words. Thank you for that.

I don't quite understand this part though:

and jump between their wings

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't quite see where this fits in. What exactly do these wings belong to? I'm thinking you meant time I had to read it a few times to come to that conclusion.

At the end, the word 'naivity' makes sense but it's a ... what's the word ... more difficult? longer? word and doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem. And it just seems out of place especially in the last stanza.

Good poem! I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing.

HAPPY REVIEW DAY! : )

I love this because it's a poem a lot of people can relate to It's very well structured and the detail is great. I don't think I have any faults that I found so just keep up the good work :]

Hello, thanks for the constructive comments. By "jump between their wings" I was referring to my parents because that is what most children associate their parents with; love and affection and most importantly protection. Thank you

Hello there.

Nitpicks:

I wish I could go back to when I was a child,
to when I felt at ease with this world.

- This is a clich� thought, but I love the honesty in this.

I wish I could say I love you sincerely
and be unafraid of the consequences.

- Powerful.

As I reminisce myself of those memories,
a sense of melancholy obscures such moment;

- This seems awkwardly written.

That odour ...

- The space before the ellipsis isn't necessary.
- 'odour' seems a little too unusual of a word. Try using 'smell'. It's your choice though.

it took me back for an instant,
I saw myself, so pure so free

- I think it should be a period after 'instant'.
- Put a comma after 'pure'. Also, you can put a period after 'free'.

and jump between their wings,

- What wings? o.o

and believe a protective shield surrounded me.

- I think it's better if there was a 'that' after 'believe'.

I wish I could look at the world with such naivity;
as I grasp that memory I give a smile.

- Nice ending.
- I think there should be a comma after 'memory'.
- The 'naivity' should be 'naivety'.


I like this poem. It's so simple yet you can get many things out of it. And I love the honesty and how genuine this poem is. The wording is nice too. What's lacking is the imagery, but I don't think this poem actually needs it. xD

Never stop writing!

Wow--that is what writing truly is. You told a story that was almost like still photo frames for us to watch as we read. It is very hard to make the two flow so easily but I heard your voice as i read while being able to pitcure what you were describing.
Great job!
Only a few things I want to point out (if anyone has talked about these already I'm sorry)

As I reminisce myself of those memories,
a sense of melancholy obscures such moment;

I understand what you are saying but at face value these two lines dont read very smoothly.

That odour ...

I can tell that you want to be quick about this description but a line or two after this one you may want to think about giving the readers more description so the odor ties into the story more.

and jump between their wings,

Who's wings? That's just me being curious
And to close I love love love your conclusion!
Keep writing

It's wonderful reading poems where you can relate to what the poet has written. It reminds you that what your reading isn't just a series of letters on the screen but emotions in print.
I guess we all, at some point, wish we could return to a specific point of time... Thank you for sharing this.

We all wish we could go back in time and become a kid again. Me included. Unfortunately, we can't, and have to settle for the memories. I loved reading this poem, because it reminded me of my childhood again. Great job with this, it's very good!