Dragonmaster Part 2: The Palace of Eternal Sleep

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The Kingdom ZaShwan was a small kingdom, ruled by a wise young prince, Shamus, whom the people loved. And though ZaShwan was at peace from war and the people there were happy, the young prince grew distant as he longed for a queen to help him rule the small kingdom. One day he simply disappeared.



I return to my people on a unicorn white as the heavens themselves. Her coat is soft like the down from a young dove’s. Alas, I left my kingdom in search of a kind maiden to rule alongside me my wonderful kingdom.
I searched for nearly five years and found no one with a heart pure enough to rule my people. I was beginning to doubt my search, when one day I found a brown unicorn being beaten to death by her cruel owner, for her small back could not carry his heavy load.
I paid the man for her, seeing as I could not stand such unfair treatment to be allowed if I could prevent it. I found a small valley in the forest beyond a tiny village and stayed there with her. I made it my home, caring for her and only leaving for necessary things from time to time. And so I nurtured the young unicorn and while she healed she grew. One day, when I returned from a few days journey to the village, I found she had shed her dull brown coat and revealed the truly beautiful white unicorn underneath.
In the moons during her healing we had become inseparable so I returned to my palace, not with a wife, but a friend. The people rejoiced over my return and we held a celebration in honor of Layia, the beautiful unicorn. At the end of the celebration I left the town, and returned to my castle. My adviser, a wizard, had been alerted of my return and welcomed me most graciously. He told me that after I had settled in he would like to speak with me.
I forgot about our discussion and it was many days later that I finally remembered and found myself seated in my councilor’s room. He told me that the unicorn had been a waste of my trip, that even though she would remain my friend, that soon, I would once again long for the companionship of a wife. He said that if I accepted his offer, it was possible for him to transform Layia into a woman for me to wed.
I was angered at this suggestion and fled the castle only to find myself heading toward the fields where Layia roamed. I sat outside for a long while, contemplating our talk and realizing that my poor councilor had only suggested this in my best interests.
I approached Layia slowly and she greeted me in her green field. I stroked her silky neck for a long while, my mind adrift with things I could not comprehend.
“Layia. Would you be happy being a human woman?” I asked quietly. She looked back at me with shimmering blue eyes and to my amazement spoke.
“Anything that would please you, Shamus, would bring pleasure to myself. You saved my life and brought me joy, anything I can do for you to repay that favor; I would gladly and willingly accept.”Her voice was only a small whisper, as if the soft wind of an autumn day had blown through the silver birches and if I hadn’t been listening closely I was sure I would have mistaken it simply for that.
And so it was that the Wizard turned Layia into a young woman, her beauty beyond description. We were wed within the same moon cycle and happy as any newlyweds could possibly be.
We walked together in the gardens many times, talking of different things. Layia never mentioned that she had ever been a unicorn, only the woman that she now was. And the people loved her. They loved her for her kind and gentle ways, her cunning knowledge, her beauty and fairness. She was indeed the Queen that I had so wished for this Kingdom.
Time went on and in the summer of the next year a small princess was born to us. Layia was the happiest mother I had ever seen. She never let the small babe out of her sight and though I worried the princess would become spoiled, the Queen knew just where the fine line of allowance lay.
The girl grew into a beautiful young woman herself and I knew that she would be the heir to the thrown when Layia and my time passed away. Our kingdom was free from any warfare and still as pleasant and happy as a small kingdom could possibly be.
Canaria was allowed to freely roam the three small villages that made up our kingdom and she left the castle to do so as much as her duties allowed her to. The people of the villages welcomed her and protected her from any strangers that traversed our markets. They loved her as they had loved her mother and they treated her like one of their own. She made many friends and learned different trades through the kindness and willingness of the village families.
As she grew older, she also obtained many suitors who wished for her hand in marriage. Word had spread by travelers to the kings ears of different lands and I had been visited by many who wished for her hand in marriage to their son in exchange for an alliance. I had refused each and every one of them, telling them that she would not help rule their country but her own when the time came. I angered many Kingdoms by my refusals, and enemies toward ZaShwan grew.
On Canaria’s sixteenth birthday Layia banned her from visiting the villages any longer without an escort. It was no longer safe for her to do so. I had seen people sent from other kingdoms lurking our market places, waiting to steal her away, and so this rule was only for her own safety.
Canaria did not understand her loss of freedom so withdrew into herself and became a shy, quiet, and reserved person, spending much time by herself to Layia’s and my worry.
So it was one night that she didn’t come down to the dining hall to eat that I left Layia to entertain the guests and decided I needed to talk with our daughter. The stairs were hard on my left hip which wasn’t fairing too well and by the time I had finally reached the top I was gasping for breath and in great pain. Canaria had recently moved her belongings to the highest tower where she could view the surrounding villages.
I found her sitting quietly on her bed, dressed in a lacy white nightgown. Her long white hair, the duplicate of her mother’s, flowed loose down her back and her large blue eyes were moist, her pale cheeks covered with diamond-like tears. She turned to look at me but remained silent. I maneuvered myself to a chair and allowed myself to sink into the softness of it. The room was filled with silence, Canaria refusing to talk.
“Canaria...what is wrong, my child?” I asked when at last my breathing eased. She looked toward me again, her sad gaze boring into mine.
“Do you think that if I decided I wanted to fly that I would be able to save myself from falling?”Her soft voice carried so much sorrow I cringed, not understanding what she meant.
“What-”
She cut me off. "It would be so easy. Two steps, leaning out and then... I would fly. It would be over; all of it. The pain I feel inside my heart, the loneliness, this emptiness.”Her finger trembled and she pointed to the billowing white curtains and the opened window. Was Canaria really planning to kill herself?
“Canaria. I don’t understand what’s wrong. If you told me I might be able to help,” I pleaded.
She yanked her head back toward me, hatred seared in her crystal blue gaze, her anger for me infinite.
“You and mother, that’s what’s wrong with me. I was fine before you banned me from living. That was my life, the people out there. They taught me, loved me, cared about me. The same way I used to think you and mother felt about me. Then you took it all away. Now they are gone. All my friends, my family...”She was crying again. I had no idea that the villagers had meant so much to her, but I realized in turn she had no idea of the dangers that were lurking in wait for her.
“But you can still see them-”
She cut me off again.
“Only while I’m with an escort. Take a wild Unicorn for instance. You take her and train her and allow her to run while under a bridle. You could say: but here is your freedom to run and play again, but she will never be free again, unless you are brave enough to take off her lead and let her go.@
I was stunned that she should mention her lack of freedom in comparison to that of a unicorn. Her mother had never told her that she hadn’t always been human.
“I didn’t know.” It was a dithered response but all I could manage.
Time passed and her mother, concerned for her health, decided to allow her to roam free once again, save for market days. I had hoped that instead of leaving to marry a prince that she would choose to marry someone she truly cared about from our own land. But Canaria never mentioned having any feelings for anyone. She was seventeen, nearing her eighteenth birthday when she disappeared.
One of the village boys came to us. He had bruising across his face and a broken arm. He was trembling harshly when he told us that they had been down at the stream, just Canaria and him, when all of a sudden a man had come from nowhere and grabbed Canaria. He had tried to get her away from the man but he had been knocked out cold and awoken to find her gone.
I sent out search parties immediately, but all in vain. Her eighteenth birthday passed and then her nineteenth, all in her absence. I had hoped that I would hear of a kingdoms marriage to a mysterious girl, yet I never received any such news.
It was four years later when I finally heard from a young man. His name was Tazan and I recognized him as the boy that had reported of Canaria’s capture. He told us that he had searched the land for her ever since that day and he had heard rumors of a white witch living in the next town over that had become sick. The only reason he had heard the news was that apparently the witch had been a wonderful healer and that now that she was sick people were worried what they would do without her.
I quickly gathered a small escort and brought Tazan with me to the Village of Sabah. We found the witches house without too much trouble and I commanded the escort to wait outside while I went in alone.
I was prepared to be disappointed as the bedroom door creaked open and I approached the small bed. My heart almost stopped in horror. Canaria lay among the covers, a peaceful look of sleep across her face. What had happened to my beautiful young daughter? The woman was pale like death itself and her white hair had been chopped short. Grey shadows lay under her sunken eyes and she looked like a living skeleton, her bones showing harshly. Who had done this to her?
“Canaria.” I knelt by the bed and touched her face. Her eyelids flickered open and she stared at me, her blue eyes milky. No recognition flashed across her face and she remained still.
“I wouldn’t be here if I were you,” a cruel voice spoke behind me and I turned to see a stocky man standing in the doorway. He had long golden hair, a sharp face and an evil countenance.
“What have you done to my daughter?”I gasped and he smiled.
“I was going to sell her to a King for him to do with as he pleased but when the girl attacked me using magic I decided to keep her. I took her voice away and had her taught in the way of a witch. She healed people, making a nice profit for me as she became famous for her ability-”
I had no time to think. I drew my sword and in one stride I thrust it through the man’s heart a cruel smile lingering on his lips. I picked up my daughter and she didn’t protest. She weighed hardly anything. I placed her in a carriage and we returned to the palace.
I summoned physicians and healers from across the Diamond Rhombus to heal my daughter. They were able to restore her speech even though she never spoke. Slowly she seemed to be recovering until one day a powerful Wizard arrived and after examining my twenty three year old daughter, he turned to me.
“Your daughter’s soul is broken. She must heal from that before her body can recover. I believe that too many trials have befallen her and it would take an eternity since time is really the only thing that can heal her spirit as she forgets her pain and moves on.”
This caused me to think about different possibilities and I planned and thought about what to do for years and finally called the Wizard back to propose to him what I wanted to do. He agreed that if anything could possibly save Canaria, it would be this.
And so it began. He put spell after spell on a certain room prepared especially for Canaria. It took five moons before it was finally ready for her. The whole castle had been bewitched.
When we moved Canaria into the designated room she smiled at me. I was shocked. And then she spoke for the first time in nine years.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, Canaria?”My voice shook and I could hear Layia crying behind me.
“What’s going to happen to me?”Her pale blue gaze shone with worry and I gently caressed her forehead.
“You’re going to go to sleep, Canaria. You will wake when your soul can finally accept what happened to you. When you can put the past behind you and move on you will wake, ready to live your life.”She seemed to accept this and so we laid her in the crystal bed. She closed her eyes, her brows creased in thought.
“I won’t wake up for a while, will I?”Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at me again.
“That’s right, it may be a long, long time,” I answered softly.
She nodded grasping my hand.
“Daddy. Can you do something for me, since I might not be able to wake for a while?” The look of trust she gave me comforted me, assuring me we were doing the right thing by leaving her here. I nodded.
“Can you find my baby?”
I was once again shocked and looked to Layia who was still crying with joy at the speech of our daughter. I turned back to Canaria but the spells had already started to work and she was asleep, her chest falling and rising, her small body would never age until she again woke.
I followed the crowd of people out of the castle and Tazan approached me.
“Sir. I know she will not wake in my life time but I still feel guilty about not being able to protect her that day so long ago. Please allow me to stay here and guard the castle.”I searched his gaze and found his intent to be true.
“If that is what you wish, then do so.”
He nodded and I mounted my Unicorn.
“Stay if you wish. But she will not wake in your life time and you cannot ever enter the chamber. Are you sure?”I asked sternly, knowing the boy was sacrificing his life for a distant hope that he would be reunited with his true love. It would never happen.
He nodded. “Yes. This is something I have to do. I must protect her.”
I nodded.
“So be it, Prince Tazan, that you will stay here, forever with the title of inherited prince. Accept now the curse of this valley and do not regret your decision.”
I turned away from the man and together Layia and I led our people away from the valley which had been our kingdom for so long. The people of the land had accepted that to save their princess, they would have to leave the valley and never return until the day she finally awoke.
As we stood on the edge of the hill that led down away from the valley, a billowing fog rolled from the castle and filled the valley, hiding the castle from view. I could see thorns and tree’s protruding from the ground, quickly growing to create a barrier and protect the sleeping Princess and the Palace of Eternal Sleep.



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Last edited by DakotaK on Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

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Okay, I think this is a really great way to start off part two. Layia sounds beautiful. The one thing I was a bit iffy on his how quickly you rushed through the baby being born to her growing up. Heck, you might have to write two novels to cover it all =] The time lapse was just a bit too quick for me. Other than that, I thought it was really good. I really liked the part about how he saved Layia, the brown unicorn, and his love let her show him who she really was. A white unicorn. It was really well written. Lovely job =]
TylynTyrannosaurus<3 (tydecker777)




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Hi Dakota,
Sorry I haven't had time to review your work yet, it's very long and will take me weeks (maybe months) to review all of it. (I've already read everything you've posted.) I love your writing tho, and I hope you continue to write more, please let me know when you post more of your story on Young Writers Society.
Your writing is very captivating, and you have your own very unique style, that keeps my eyes glued to the screen.
I just wanted to let you know that I'll get the reviews to you when I can, and not to be discouraged, because of the lack of reviews.
Eagerly waiting for the next chapter,
~Zanna Shepherd
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna




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Now I've read up to this point in your novel, and I love it. I absolutely love it. You have great spelling, grammar, word use, and I haven't found hardly anything confusing that wasn't supposed to be so. You have an amazing story of a pure soul. I am really looking forward to when you finish your novel. I have been so enticed I don't really want to be writing this review, I want to keep reading! As another fan of dragons, I love how kind your main character is and how he cares for the people around him. I've enjoyed all the suspicion you've worked up with the mysterious beings and the small details, like edge pieces of a two thousand piece puzzle. Please keep writing this wondrous novel, I simply must have more of the story! Please, please, please keep writing!
something something dragons something something open to conversation
Been quiet for a couple years, we'll see how this one goes.




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Oooh, wow, we're onto Part Two!

I. NITPICKS
The people of the villages welcomed her and protected her from strangers.


If they all know and love her, then who are the strangers?

Her long white hair, the duplicate of her mothers,


mother's.

II. CHANGING VIEWPOINT

I'm so puzzled right now. What has happened to Zavier and Victor? Granted you played up the Palace of Eternal Sleep trick in the last chapter, but apart from that, there was no hint that this was coming.

I will admit, I love the fairytale feel of this chapter, but that's because I love fairytales themselves so much. But I'm not so sure about the way that you simply jump from Zavier to Shamus. Are we then simply going to jump back? It's a similar problem to the one I had with previous chapters- this comes out of the blue and I'm scared that Shamus will simply vanish again. Even the twins at the end of each chapter aren't present here. There's a lapse in continuity, which I think really needs to be fixed. Are we staying with Shamus? Then alright. But if we're switching back to Zavier, maybe there are more effective ways of telling this story. Timmy said his aunt told him about the palace. Why shouldn't he relay the story to Zavier?

III. OVERALL

I loved the way it was written, you capture a beautiful atmosphere. I'm just worried about how it fits in with the rest of the story, that's all.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010




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Thank you for all of the reviews, I'm glad you were able to enjoy the chapter:) To clear up a little bit of misunderstanding on changing view point: There are six parts to my novel, each part is preceded by a mini-prologue that is a different view point than Zavier's. In this instance it gives you insight about the Palace without a huge info dump, and a few of the characters will become an important aspect a little later on:)
~Dakota Knight
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

novel.php?id=1142



trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backward)
— E.E. Cummings