Illusions

My hand can't really write,
What my words can't really say.
My tears can't really mean,
What my heart cannot convey.

Your eyes can't really see,
What you cannot believe.
You can't really hear me,
When you're not really listening.

This hurt cannot be real,
If I'm too numb to feel the pain.
These tears aren't really there,
If all I see is rain.

This pit I fell into,
That seems like it will never end,
If you can't see it there,
Must all be an illusion.

All you see is this smile,
And the mask I hide behind.
I'll stay expressionless,
While emotions writhe inside.

This pit I fell into,
That seems like it will never end,
If you can't see it there,
Must all be an illusion.

I'm just wondering: Is the last line a question? If not, shoudln't it be it must all be an Illusion?
I don't know, I'm not a great poet.

It was great, though! I LOVED it!

Helloo Katarina!
This is going to be a pretty short review, because I don't really have anything else to say than that I like it So yeah..I like this write! XD
Just one little thing:

Must all be an illusion.

I think it would sound better if you wrote it like this instead: It must all be an illusion.
But other than that this is a good write and I enjoyed reading this!
Hope I helped a little.
-qaralynn-

Hello! This is truly an emotional poem. I can feel the sadness and pain in this poem and can really understand what the speaker is saying. The speaker is saying that if the pain isn't there or real, then everything else isn't there or real. The pain is just hidden deep down inside, burning the speaker, since no one believes it's there or real. The message is very heartbreaking and so unique. I just really like it. Like I said, I can feel the sadness and pain because of the emotion-laden words, such as "tears," "hurt," "pit," "rain," "emotions," and "writhe."

Now, I notice you are rhyming at certain points. There is a rule I learned from my high school teacher, which is you either rhyme or you don't. In other words, you either keep going with the rhyming scheme, which is rhyme the second line with the fourth or you don't. You can't just rhyme whenever you want, you have to keep going with the rhyming scheme.

I truly like how the poem is very concrete and has a lot of imagery. For example,

"This hurt cannot be real,
If I'm too numb to feel the pain.
These tears aren't really there,
If all I see is rain."

Now, this is a good verse that shows what I'm talking about, but I would like you to show me the rain, not just tell me about it. However, I truly like the sad and dark tone you create with verses like the one shown above. I also really like the ending! Very sad and dark! This is a very good poem, indeed! Hope you keep writing!

Loved it. This was my absolute favorite line out of the entire thing.

You can't really hear me,
When you're not really listening.

It seems people are never listening as much as they should. They hear but they don't listen. I do have memories of being frustrated at trying to speak, but not being able to be heard.
This is a very good poem. Please keep up the good work!

Wow! I can literally feel the emotion dripping off this poem! This is amazing! The rhyming was good, the flow was good, the word choice was excellent. I loved it! Great job!

Hi Katarina!

Okay! So this seemed to be a very philosophical poem that dealt with the topic of existentialism! Or... a poem that was so heartbroken it seemed to be shifting from heartbreak to apathy, but by going to apathy, it seems that the narrator seemed to be dissolving into nothingness. So, in a way, it first questions reality by saying "The truth cannot be perceived where there is no truth at all," thus the talk about the hand not being able to write what the words can't say, or the seeing what you cannot believe, or feeling something you cannot feel, etc. And, in this way, because the narrator hints that there is truth in the feelings since there is truth in this heartbreak, as she grapples with everything that has happened, she wonders whether what she thought was real was actually just a lie.

...so, basically, a philosophical poem that deals with existentialism. XD

But, even while she seems to be succumbing to apathy, there is a hint that what is real is real and not just a lie. Even when she admits that it has been a lie, the only thing that remains real is her. But even then, she is trying to hide everything behind a smile and a mask. In doing so, she is removing her last connection with reality so that the only thing that remains are the emotions that are trapped inside.

SO. In conclusion, this is a very depressing poem, lol!

Anyway, so there's really not much to comment on, other than that... everything else looks pretty solid! There was only one thing I noticed, so I just thought I'll point this out:

This pit I fell into,
That seems like it will never end,
If you can't see it there,
Must all be an illusion.

It doesn't actually fit the rhyming scheme that you have, which is a bit weird. You might want to tweak it a bit. It sounds really odd as it is. I mean, at first I thought that you were trying to break the rhyme so that you were breaking the illusion in your poem that the reality of the poem was sketchy too and that although it appeared to have a rhyming scheme, even that was a lie. So, that might give the impression that everything in the poem is a lie. But then afterwards you didn't really break the format anymore, so it seemed more like a mistake than a statement. So, if that was what you were aiming for, I would exaggerate it. If it wasn't what you were aiming for... well... you may want to revise it a bit.

Good luck!

Hey Kat! Another great piece of poetry!
This piece sounded a little choppy to me, might have been cause of all the commas, but it didn't seem to flow as nicely as some of your other pieces. It was also a bit more confusing.

My hand can't really write,
What my words can't really say.
My tears can't really mean,
What my heart cannot convey. [The flow of this poem seems to stop after each on of these lines. It kinda interrupts the smoothness of the piece, but it also kind of creates a rhythm to it that is nice.]

Your eyes can't really see,
What you cannot believe.
You can't really hear me,
When you're not really listening. [This stanza seems a bit choppy, like the rhythm was slightly off, maybe cause of the syllables? I also like the last two lines a lot ]

This hurt cannot be real,
If I'm too numb to feel the pain.
These tears aren't really there,
If all I see is rain.

This pit I fell into,
That seems like it will never end,
If you can't see it there,
Must all be an illusion. [Other people have already commented on it, I think, but this last line is a little confusing. It seems to kind of cut off from the last sentence.]

All you see is this smile,
And the mask I hide behind. [I don't really like it when sentence are started with an 'and'. Although. . . I guess it isn't really a sentence, so nevermind]
I'll stay expressionless,
While emotions writhe inside.[Again, you could stand to work on the ending.]

Wonderful, sadly this review won't really help, but I feel the emotion written in this.
Sometimes these types of poems are crappy, but I related to it very well. Keep writing, because I see a large future ahead of you.

I really liked this poem! I think it is really relatable because I'm pretty sure a lot of poeple have similar experiances. I like that despite the fact that it is relatable, you were able to keep it intimate and personal. Keep it up!

-Kels