Young Writers Society

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Awww....This is sad. Well, i'm not sure if you meant for the mood of it to be sad or angry, but it seemed like a little of both. It was a different sort of topic. But I really lile at the end line when you say that she doesn't even know she has adapted to fake. It's so true and sad. But I think that the wayyou wrote it could use a little work. Maybe instead you could say that she's fake but doesn't know it. I don't know. Maybe I'm being over-critical. But, anyway, I really liked it. Also it was sad when you said that she wants to be real, but can't because people won't accept her. But mixed with the sentence at the end it doesn't make sense. If she knows she's fake and wants to be real then how can she at the same time not know she is fake? Just pick one of them and go with that. So, over all, great job on a hard topic to portray poetically and it was well-written!
bye!
-Cammie

Hi, I really liked your poem a lot! I think it describes how some teenagers feel during high school. I don't know if you meant to, but when I was reading it, it felt like I was getting the undercover story about the "popular, fake kids" and about how they became who they were. It kind of reminded me that you should really get to know someone before you judge them, because you never know how your judging will change them. I don't know if that was the message you were trying to convey with this piece, but that is what I got from it. I enjoyed the type of journey this poem took me on.
But, I know that spacing and when to end lines and that sort of thing isn't my forte when it comes to poetry, but when I was reading it, it seemed like some of your lines where blocky and chopped up which isn't really a bad thing which makes reading and reading aloud a little difficult. Also, your lack of punctuation wouldn't have bothered me as much if it was a shorter poem, but with the length, I think the lack of punctuation made it harder than necessary to read. But, I did like the emphasis you did make on the questions when you did use the punctuation.
Overall, I liked the kind of sad and tormented direction this poem took, and I liked the way you described what was going on to me, the reader. I could hear your voice, and that is a sign of a truly talented writer.
Hope this helps!

I really liked this poem. I personally do NOT stereotype and/or criticize people for how they look or act in public. Many teens who wear a bunch of make up and act all snobby is because they need inner attention that they don't get at home. I really loved your description and the real meaning of this poem .

This was very emotional and thought-provoking. The really sad thing is, often times it's so true. I didn't notice any errors. I liked how even though this theme has been done, this still feels original (to me) so good job on that. Very sad piece, very well-written.

That was a really good piece of work! Keep writing!

I really enjoyed this poem Well done! You have portrayed such an important message here, one that I believe many girls need to hear. I thought your writing was very good other than a few grammar errors."That has formed In her empty heart" I think this should be changed to "that have" and then there's one more: "That's is why she is always..." I feel that this should rather be " That is". But other than that, the flow and progression of the poem was good. Thank you for this piece, well done xxx

So this is strong! Many can realte to this I believe and you truly get your message through. To me, the flow and rythm worked but I'd like some puntucation just for the look of it I think, and maybe split the text in to several stanzas? Overall... I liked it, it was simple but meaningful!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Hugs and Hearts from Demoness

That was exceptional work! I really like the last paragraph. It rymes in a lovely manor! I realize I should tell you things I didnt like about it. But to tell you the truth I love it all!

awww this is really sad. I thought that I was about to cry

Hiya Lele! How's it going?

I really enjoyed your poem. It's full of raw emotion. Your statements are very stark and blunt, and you put your point across very forcefully and effectively. At first, I wasn't sure about the use of enjambent - the lack of punctuation - but then I realised that it really 'worked' with this poem. It's your style - and I love it!

Sorry this review is a bit rubbish - I'm not really feeling very 'review-y' today...*sighs* But, anyways, now you know that I really liked your poem.

Have a good day, Lele!
~ Amelia