A drab gray room

A drab gray room with drab gray light
Came to me in my dream last night.
A specter of a ghostly place
Inside my heart devoid of grace.
Is this the punishment for sin?
Is this the brokenness within?


Yet Mercy stands there, calling me,
On the edges of my dream.
Mercy, Mercy clothed in white,
Whose bloody wounds can slay the night.
Mercy, Mercy asking me
To give up freedom to be free.

I enjoyed your piece! It was short, yet had alot to it. It had a nice flow to it, a smooth rythym throughout. I few things left me wondering about them, but that could add to the intrigue of it all. I especially liked the last line...

To give up freedom to be free.

The things I wondered about were the sin and what caused the brokenness and devoid heart. But to let the reader speculate also works well, although I wasn't sure what meaning the grey place had to the person and aslo was unsure about Mercy's bloody wounds.

Well, I can't give much advice, but I do like your writing style! Keep it up!

<..> Kat

This poem was....saddening, in a way that's hard to capture. Like the view of someone locked in an insane asylum, staring out the single window into the night sky.
I really liked the flow of the poem. Even moreso, I liked the second stanza, when you talked about Mercy. I thought it was clever and interesting to present mercy as a figure, as a person who might save you, (or the person) from the "Drab Grey Room."
The only thing I didn't like- it was a little difficult to understand what the character was afraid of. Like Kat said, the "sin" part was difficult for me to understand. However, the mystery gives it a mystical and dangerous feel, like a cold dagger.

Very nicely done.

RA

This was quite a good poem. Aside from the usual nitpicking on punctuation, grammar, etc. I'd say you used a great rhyme scheme that was appropriate to the story - also, it had a lot of thought, which was great.
Unfortunately, it lacked a little in emotion. I get what you were trying to say, about feeling empty/desolate/disgraced (at least those are the feelings I get), but I just don't feel it quite to it's full potential.

Aside from that, keep writing, you did quite a good job on this.

This was quite interesting. It's one of those poems that has a lot of hidden meaning and it makes you think. The message isn't always right there clear in front of you. That's what I kind of like about this. Of course, the last line just plain confused me.

To give up freedom to be free.

Of course, giving up something to get that same thing never makes any sense when I see it in writing.
So, yeah, I like this. It was very well written, although I'll agree it probably could've used a bit more emotion. Keep it up!