The Old Piano

When I was young i used to play upon the ivories,
a tune would be playing with me pounding at the keys.
Yesterday I found a photo of mother and me, and
then a photo of my Piano and me pounding at the keys.

I love this, short and sweet. Captures a great moment. Watch the 'I', sorry for the short review.

I immediately clicked on this, being an avid pianist myself...anywho, it's very sweet and cute, but I think you could expand the idea.

ThePoetryQueen wrote:When I was young I used to play upon the ivories, You could try re-wording this a little: "When I was young, and played upon the ivories,"
a tune would be playing with me pounding at the keys. This doesn't sound overly poetic, but I actually don't care...
Yesterday I found a photo of mother and me, and This line seems to jump rather suddenly to the present. It's OK, but I think you could make it a bit more gradual or something.
then a photo of my Piano and me pounding at the keys."Piano" doesn't need to be capatolized. Seems a cute ending 'me pounding at the keys'.

So as I said, I love piano so I'm partial to this automatically *coughs* but I still think you could work on this. It's a sweet idea but right now, it doesn't have that much going for it. It's not overly poetic, the wording and all, you don't have emotion or imagery, and it almost feels too short. When I read this it felt like there would/could be a nice story behind it, but I just got the bare minimum.

Show how you were 'pounding at the keys', how you found the picture, what you felt when you found it. This poem could really use some depth. What were you going for when you wrote this? A narrative? Just pleasure writing for yourself? You have to give it something that'll make people who aren't in love with piano enjoy reading this. Add some depth, clear up what you want to focus on; rhyme, imagery, emotion...Good luck!

I actually liked this poem; yes it can be short and there might not be so many adjectives but sometimes a few sentences can say a lot and that is what I have seen in this poem. I read it and almost felt a sense of melancholy for the poet, from what I understood it does not seem the poet plays the piano any more and the picture that he hints about in the last stanza should reflect that sense of nostalgia or probably his infancy memories is what he misses.

Overall I like the poem and I think it is simple and nostalgic