Very nice. You set up the scene in the first stanza well then give us so much to think about in the last. It was a might bit overwhelming but in a good way. The first line of that last stanza gripped me with its truth and is such a reflection on my life that I was breathless for a moment. Beautiful.
This is beautiful! I love it! Very clever, and not something that I've read before. Kudos! I especially like the second stanza. The whole thing is very beautiful. I love the way you begin the second stanza and the way you end it. Actually, I think that the second stanza could stand alone as its own poem, although there is nothing wrong with having the first one there. I'm sorry if this isn't terribly helpful, but I really don't have anything negative to say about it! Great job!
Sare
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a psychologist.
Refreshing, clear imagery and nice intertextuality. All in all, quite a decent poem, if lacking a little in a good finish - your last line was good, and powerful, but it just didn't feel right to me. Apart from that, I liked it, well done.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers. To envy. To madness. Betrayal. Love. And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing. But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love. To be human.
