Words of a Lost Father

Words of a Lost Father
By Cassandra Mazza

You looked to me for inspiration
And sadly, you found none
You flourished in my resignation
Not knowing you were my son

Against misfortune you made your way
Your life was at your command
Yet I never knew the words to say
To a king of his own land

I wish I’d seen you in your youth
Before you didn’t need me
But then you would have known the truth
And wished you’d never seen me

Your legacy will be retold
The world will speak your name
You’ll be remembered brave and bold
With a soul of burning flame

Do not define yourself by me
You will be so much more
Go forth my son, set your spirit free!
Become what you were destined for

I like it but were it says Do not define yourself by me I think instead of by me it might sound better if you use the word for.Do not define yourself for me, but other then that it was really good I like it.

Hi Cassandra!

You looked to me for inspiration,
And sadly, you found none.
You flourished in my resignation,
Not knowing you were my son.

^ This part here confuses me. I've assumed that by resignation, and the later reference to king. Okay, so the son takes his father's place, but if he didn't know he was his son, then it doesn't make sense that he would be unaware of this when he takes the throne.

Against misfortune you made your way-
Your life was at your command.
Yet I never knew the words to say
To the king of his own land

I wish I'd seen you in your youth
Before you didn't need me
But then you would have known the truth,
And wished you'd never seen me

Your legacy will be retold,
The world will speak your name
You'll be remembered brave, no comma and bold
With a soul of burning flame

Do not define yourself by me
You will be so much more
Go forth my son, set your spirit free!
Be change this to 'become' what you were destined for

Great job! Keep writing. And, welcome to YWS.

-A

Personally, I thought the last stanza was the best - beautiful, deep, meaningful, and although it was bordering on cliche, you saved yourself with a clever phrasing. Overall, very nice, good grammar and decent punctuation - just check your rhythm, because I felt that sometimes it would be going smoothly and steadily before suddenly losing the flow.