Peach (Edited)

Spoiler

Original:
Peach,
alone, singular,
wished it were a pear.

When peach
becomes peaches,
ES is for extra strength.

Strength for
an extra burden,
so it should be peacheb.

Because,
if I were a pear,
I would reside with and not on.

A peach
has a singular pit
deep and dark and lonesome.

The pit
needs many things,
and takes to grow and survive.

But a pear
has seeds that spread
and become so influential.

And so, peach,
all alone, and singular…
I wish I were a pear.

Edited Version:

Peach,
alone, singular,
wished it were a pear.

When peach
becomes peaches,
ES is for extra strength.

Strength for
an extra burden,
so it should be peachEB.

Because,
if I were a pear,
I would be with and not alone.

A peach
has a singular pit
deep and dark and lonesome.

The pit
needs many things
to grow and to survive.

But a pear
has seeds to spread...
that become so influential.

And so, peach,
all alone, and singular…
I wish I were a pear.

It's an interesting poem, I think it's a little too deep to be about fruit, though. And, umm, you're not a peach. So... I don't know, maybe I''m just not deep enough to understand this poem. Nice word choice though.

I completely disagree with Tgirly. I understand what you're saying. The peach is singular, lonely and has what it needs already given to it. The pear has to work to stay alive. It has things to share (seeds) and its a metaphor to being the "above-and-beyond" person. I don'treally have any nitpicks here. Just opinions.

1.

should be peacheb.

I feel like you should capitolize the "EB" to make it stand out more. I didn't get that at first.

2.

I would reside with and not on.

What do you mean by this?

Thats all I believe. I like the metaphor and how you refer to "peach" as a person, not an object. Well done. Keep writing

Alright, this poem is alright. I get what you say about a peach being singular, but I don't get why you really rag on peaches. Do you mean to say that the pear is the superior fruit because it spreads more, ect. Is there a deeper meaning here that I can't glean?
To nitpick....

so it should be peacheb.

- should be "EB" to make it more clear.

The pit/needs many things,/and takes to grow and survive.

- "and takes" doesn't really fit. Maybe "needs many things/to grow and survive" or something.

I would reside with and not on.

- this line makes no sense.

Otherwise, the topic of peaches is a underused one, go kudos.

Hiya,

I just want to say that this was quite an interesting poem that I rather liked a lot. I liked how it wasn't overly detailed or stuffed to the brim with imagery. Despite its simplicity, it was able to convey a very powerful theme. I agree with the other reviewers that you could capitalize the EB in peacheb so it stands out; the first few times that I read it over, I didn't understand what you were trying to say.

Your stanzas are good to give a few into the world of this poem that you want to create, but I think you could have worded them a little differently. If you them up into lines, it would read very much like prose. Maybe you could go into just a little more detail and describe, in the first stanza, the skin of a peach in negative fashion as opposed to the skin of a pear in a negative fashion. While I do enjoy the simplicity, it's almost too cut to the bare. Expand your images just a little so you can showcase the difference between the two fruits and the difference between singular and plural, which I think will make this stand out and make this more memorable as a whole.

As I said, this was good! It's much better poetry than I could ever write, anyway. Good luck with your revisions, and feel free to give me a shout via PM if you have any further questions and/or you post an edit!

~ Elinor

This was a very... unique poem. It gave me a melancholy feeling. Because you look at a peach and its beautiful, at least to me, but then you point out that it has a single, solitary pit, and just makes you feel bad for it =\. And pears aren't necessarily a pretty fruit, at least not the ones here in the midwest, so they look gross but they have so much more to offer because they have more seeds! And I'm just sort of rambling right now... but anyway. Literally, it makes sense. And when I look into a deeper meaning of it all... its just... really deep, but I could just be seeing something that isn't there. I'm strange like that sometimes... but overall, its really good =] I liked it.

Yeah, looking back, undestand isn't the right word. I like the poem a lot. I agree with tydecker777 that it's unique. That's more of what I was trying to get at.

IIIII get it! Thanks for the recap =] It helped me tremendously in understanding what exactly you were going with it. Now you have both of my thumbs! (thumbs up that is) =]