You made me do it...

My eyes gaze down at your body.
Broken, battered and crumbled.
I look down at my own hands.
Bruised, bloodied and sore.

Haven't I been good to you?
So loving and so kind.
But you say your moving on,
leaving me behind.

But I'm not letting you
Slip between my fingers.
You made this happen.
You made me do it...

I loved the poem.It was deep and is the type of to poem that forces people to think.It was an excellent poem.

Oh my gosh. That's all I can say. This was so good. The depth and emotion in this poem was so evident, it made the poem pop to me in so many different ways. Well, pop in a sad but good way, you know? This was a really good poem. Keep up the good work!

I'm impressed! Judging from personal experience, I feel like you've done a wonderful job capturing the (sadly disillusioned) mind of an abuser.

My eyes gaze down at your body.
Broken, battered and crumbled.
I look down at my own hands.
Bruised, bloodied and sore.

I love love love the way the first two lines and last two lines of this stanza mirror each other.

Haven't I been good to you?
So loving and so kind.
But you say your moving on,
leaving me behind.

Just a small change - I made "leaving" lowercase.

But I'm not letting you
Slip between my fingers.
You made this happen.
You made me do it.

Apostrophe in "I'm".
I also changed the ellipses to a single period. To me, the ellipses really suggested that the narrator is thinking about what he's (she's?) done. The period is more solid - "this is your fault."

But that may just be me.

Overall, I am extremely impressed by this poem.

If you have any questions/comments, feel free to PM me!

<3
Bella

Hi!

If I may say so, I think that this poem is written rather brilliantly. The poem had an unreliable narrator, which can be confusing and strange if it's not written correctly, but I think that you wrote very well. You let us in into the narrators head whilst giving us clues about what really happened. The way you dropped the clues was done very subtly, which added to the mystery of the poem. The poem is also somewhat short and vague, but I would keep it like that as it adds to the whole effect of the poem.

I don't have any criticism here. Keep writing!

To say I liked this poem would be a lie. To say I loved this poem would not. This was a brutal poem in the sense that people can be "forced" to do things for love and see it as justified. This was a beautifully written poem in the sense that it is something that could easily happen physically or emotionally. The rhythm was also very good and the word choice that you had was excellent. And it was dark and creepy and brutal and awesome and... Yeah. Well writ.

This poem left me to wonder and it was very sad in a abusive way.
I liked the way you decided to end this piece.
But Im not letting you
Slip between my fingers.
You made this happen.
You made me do it...
Good job! keep up the good work and congrats for the feature.

Hello! This poem was great. It was brilliantly written and it made me think as well. Truth be told, it was amazing, actually. The emotion in it and the imagery was great. I could see the beat up body and the hurting hands. So great job there. So, on to the review. My comments and corrections will be next to the stanza/line.

bsbfan19 wrote:My eyes gaze down at your body.
Broken, battered and crumbled.
I look down at my own hands.
Bruised, bloodied and sore.
( I love how you started it off with the scenario and what the whole poem was about.)

Haven't I been good to you?
So loving and so kind.
But you say your moving on,
Leaving me behind. (The L on leaving, I think should be lower cased since it is not a new sentence.)
( The rhyming scheme was great here. The consistency was nice.)

But Im not letting you (there needs to be a comma between i and m since it is a conjunction.)
Slip between my fingers.
You made this happen.
You made me do it...

Overall, this was a great poem. The depth of the story and the emotion emotted through it was spot on! Excellent job.

- Ballerina

I thought this was really good! I loved the layout and the language was beautiful. I did wonder though, whether you really need the elipses at the end. I think the poem would come to a much more powerful finish if you simply used a full stop. As the voice of this poem seems perfectly certain that 'you made me do it' it would be shown a lot more clearly if a full stop was used.
Keep up the good work!

I love when a poem can paint a vivid picture of violent acts in my head with few words. Brutality is what this makes me envision and I loved every second.

Some grammatical errors and punctuation issues, but nothing a proof-read or some editing wouldn't fix.

Good idea and presented in an appropriate psychotic manner, if a little underdeveloped.