A beauty in a Beast

This is my first piece of poetry since last September so it is unlikely to be good but all criticism welcome. I really want to improve. xD


His features so undefined,
So natural, yet so plain.
His eyes, black as coal,
As dark as the devil, some would say.
His lips redder than the reddest rose;
A sense of danger arose.
His stench so musty and disgusting,
Even a skunk smelt nicer.
His skin so coarse,
Even scales were softer.
Yet under this monster
There lived a man of pure heart.
How many would bother to look under his mask?

As dark as THE devil. In my opininon, there shouldn't be a comma after His skin so coarse. I like its message. Good imagery.

I love this poem and the message, but there's a bit of room for improvement:

His features undefined,~I think the rhythm would flow better if you took out 'so'
So natural, yet so plain.
His eyes, as black as coal, ~Again, just rhythm nitpicking
As dark as the devil, some would say.
His lips redder than the reddest rose; I like the image but perhaps a synonym to replace 'redder'?
A sense of danger arose.
His stench so musty and disgusting,
Even a skunk smelt nicer. Makes me laugh, but throws off the tone a bit because the rest seems to serious - perhaps liken him to a more threatening smell/animal?
His skin so coarse,
Scales were softer. Just the rhythm, in my opinion, sounds better without 'even'
Yet under this monster
There lived a man of pure heart.
Would they bother to see past his mask? Just thought the line sounded a bit long and clunky - just a suggestion!

So just a few nitpicks really, as I say the actual content and imagery was brilliant. And of course I can only give you my opinions - at the end of the day it's totally up to you and there's no saying I'm right
Hope this helps
-Megan
I look forward to reading more of your work!

I loved this poem for its emotion and its depth. You use great word choice and will be a great writer one day if you decide to pursue it professionally. This is one of favorite poems I have read on this site. please write more of these beautiful poems!

Your poem was amazing.Personaly I think you did great and don't need have anything wrong but i'm not the best to ask about that!

Hey! I really liked this poem! The only thing I would say is that the vocabulary could use some work. The part about the her lips being the reddest or reds could use a thesaurus haha, I use "The-Saurus" as I like to call it ALL the time. One of the rules I set up for myself is to never use the same adjective twice, to make sure for example that the reader will know what shade of red, what impression does one get from that color red, is it good or bad? Haha I know I'm being very nit-picky about adjectives but that's just my thing. But to conclude my ramble on the color red, I really enjoyed this poem! I have never read a piece quite like this one, good job!